“I know, but just promise me you won’t dismiss your feelings because you are worrying about what others will think. If Dillon and you are meant to be together, it should happen naturally. Without any interference.”
“How did me talking about being able to have kids in the future end up a conversation about Dillon and me?”
“There’s a natural correlation with both those things.”
I open my mouth to tell her that’s the very definition of interference when she continues talking.
“You and I are always in sync in our lives. Back in Ireland, it was men. Now, it’s this.” She squeezes my hand again. “We have both endured the heartbreaking loss of our babies, but we will go on because we are strong and we can overcome the worst experiences to emerge even stronger.”
“Wearein sync, and I’m so glad you found it in your heart to forgive me.”
“There was nothing to forgive, Viv.” Her clear blue eyes stare earnestly at me. “I was so fucking pissed off at the time it happened, but after I discovered everything, I instantly forgave you. It wasn’t your fault, and you did what you believed was the best for both Reeve and Dillon and for you and your baby. I would never, could never, hold that against you.”
“I love you.” I pull her into my arms. “You and Audrey are the sisters I never had.”
“Right back at ya, Viv.”
A crunching sound has us whipping our heads around. Dillon strides toward us, concern evident on his handsome face as he takes in our blotchy skin and our embrace.
“He worries about you,” Ash whispers.
“Hey.” Dillon steps inside the gazebo, his gaze immediately finding mine. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I stand, pulling my Irish bestie with me. “I just got overwhelmed. Seeing you with E and seeing what you built for him…it was a lot. I’m extra emotional today.”
“That’s understandable.” Dillon stares at me in that intense way of his, like he’s drilling a hole into my chest in a bid to get to the heart of the matter.
“I’m fine too,” Ash says, planting her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes at her brother. “In case you were wondering why I was crying.”
Dillon pulls his gaze from me, frowning as he takes note of his sister. “What’s wrong? Why were you crying?”
“Why do you think, dumbass?” She rolls her eyes, and Dillon scratches the back of his head.
“I wouldn’t ask if I knew.”
Ash grabs my elbow, pulling me out past her brother. “Men are such idiots.”
“I heard that,” Dillon says from behind us.
“You were supposed to.”
I giggle, and this is exactly what I need to get through the rest of this day.
That and pink gin cocktails, which are in plentiful supply throughout the afternoon. After we plant the white rose bushes in Lainey’s memory, we all congregate by the pool. Dillon, Jamie, and Ro get in with Easton while Ash and I sunbathe around the pool, sipping our drinks. There isn’t a cloud in the sky. The sun is beating down on us, and the sounds of my son laughing help to repair some of the cracks in my heart.
I will always remember Lainey, and I will always be sad I never got to meet her when she was alive. I got to hold her in the hospital for a few minutes, and she looked so peaceful, like a beautiful sleeping doll, bundled in her soft pink blanket with the white knit hat. Her eyes were closed, and she was unaware of her momma’s pain as I sobbed and sobbed holding her.
I will never forget it, and my daughter will always be in my heart, but I’ve got to live in the present because my other child needs me.
I make a silent vow to only remember Lainey with happiness, not sadness, from now on. I owe it to myself and my son to try harder, and I will.
A subtle breeze gently lifts strands of my hair, and a serene sort of peace flows through me. Warmth infuses my insides, and the tightness in my chest is gone, as if a switch has been flipped. I stare up at the sky in silent awe, wondering what just happened.
“Is that you, my love? Are you watching over me today and helping to ease my pain?”
Tears prick my eyes, behind my sunglasses, but for once, they are happy tears. I am not a religious person, but something profound just happened, and I find enormous comfort and strength in the thought that Reeve is up there somewhere, still looking after me. Still loving and protecting me even after he’s gone.