“Don’t do that.” She takes one of the wineglasses from me. “You aren’t betraying Reeve’s memory by having him here. It’s a messy situation, but it was something none of you knew. Don’t feel guilty for letting him into Easton’s life. It’s the right thing to do.”
“There have been so many secrets and lies, and I’m tired of letting them dictate my life, but how do I forgive him, Rey? How can I ever trust him or believe a word that comes out of his mouth?”
She tilts her head to the side, sipping her wine as she surveys me. “There is no doubt he needs to earn back your trust, and you’re right to be guarded, but answer me one thing. How much was keeping him away to do with Easton, and how much was it because you were terrified to be around him again?”
“Honestly, it was all Easton up until that meeting at his house two weeks ago. Before then, I was too consumed in grief and anger to even remember the other feelings I had for him.”
“And now?” she prompts.
I glance out the window. His blond hair is blowing in the subtle breeze as he pushes Easton on one of the swings, and it makes me nostalgic. One of my favorite things to do was run my fingers through his hair. Seeing him like this reminds me of the Dillon I fell head over heels in love with. I stare out the window, hugely conflicted. They are both laughing, and pain spreads across my chest for a multitude of reasons. “I am terrified.”
“You still love him.” She says it as a statement, not a question.
“How can I after what he did?” I’m speaking to myself as much as to my friend.
“He loves you. You only have to see the way he looks at you to know what’s in his heart, and you have loved him in silence for years.”
“It was so wrong,” I whisper, turning away, unable to look at Dillon any longer.
“You can’t help how you feel. You loved Reeve, and you made each other happy. But he’s not here, and Dillon is. It’s okay to love him, Viv.”
“Jesus, Rey.” I swing angry eyes on my best friend. “Reeve is barely cold in his grave, and you’re already pushing me at his twin?”
“You know I’m not saying that.” She places her wine down and fixes me with a serious look. “I know you. I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to bury the feelings you have for that man”—she jabs her finger toward Dillon—“out of guilt and fear, and I don’t want you to do that. It’s a different matter entirely if you don’t love him anymore, but the kind of feelings you had for him don’t disappear overnight, no matter how much he might have wronged you.”
I gulp my wine, wishing we had never started this conversation.
Audrey’s shoulders relax a smidgeon. “Look, babe, I’m not arguing with you, and I’m not saying you should throw yourself back into something with Dillon. I know you’re not ready to move on yet. I’m just saying don’t close your mind to it and it’s okay if that’s where you end up. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. Reeve would want you happy.”
I snort out a laugh. “I doubt he’d want me falling into his twin’s arms.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. Reeve knew you loved him. Yes, he didn’t know it was Dillon or that Dillon was his twin, until more recently, but he knew you deeply loved your Irish boyfriend.” She takes a sip of her drink. “I know Simon Lancaster was a bastard, and I hope he’s rotting in hell, but you can’t deny his twin sons share similar characteristics.”
“In what way?” I prop my hip against the edge of the sink, waving through the window at Dave as he arrives to set up the bounce house.
“For starters, they share a manipulative streak.” She drills me with a look. “You can’t deny Reeve had his moments.”
I nod because she’s right. Reeve manipulated my feelings and used my fear and guilt against me during the time he filmed theRydeville Elitemovies and during our breakup. Now I know about the PI in Ireland and the photographer he spent years working with to stage photos, I can’t help wondering how he might have manipulated me during our marriage in a bid to keep me sheltered from that side of his personality. I guess I’ll never know because all his secrets have been taken to the grave with him.
“And all the Lancaster men are hardwired to only love once. It’s an intense soul mate kind of love. Like swans. You’re it for Dillon in the same way you were it for Reeve.”
“You are assuming Dillon loves me because he loved me once, but we’ve been apart six years. A lot can happen in that time. You don’t know he hasn’t fallen in love with someone else.”
She waves her hands in the air. “He’s told you he still loves you on more than one occasion. He told your parents he loves you and regrets not fighting for you. He’s not hiding his feelings. As for the other women he’s been pictured with over the years? Come on. We both know they were nothing more than fuck buddies. He’s never been pictured with the same woman more than once. If he was in love with anyone else, you’d know about it.” Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips in an obvious tell. “You can always ask Ash. You know she’ll give it to you straight.”
“What did you do?”
“I invited her over. She’s on her way. Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not. I want to repair my relationship with her, but I couldn’t do that while I was keeping Dillon at arm’s length because it would always be the elephant in the room.”
“Good. I’m glad. I have spoken with her a few times. She wants to be here for you, and I would feel so much better knowing you have her back in your life. It will help me to not worry so much about you.”
“I want Ash back in my life, but I’m scared too because it’s going to dredge so many old memories and feelings to the surface, and I’m not sure I can handle it.” Ash and I go way beyond her brother, and we have our memories separate from Dillon, but there’s a lot of memories that are tangled too. It’s hard to completely separate them, but I’m going to try because I need to make things right with my Irish bestie.
“Better out than in, babe, and Ash won’t push you. She’ll help to rein Dillon in.”
“I’m not sure anyone is capable of reining that man in,” I say, looking out the window again.
Easton is tugging on Dillon’s hand as he talks to Dave while a couple of younger guys work on inflating the bounce house. Dillon swoops Easton up into his arms, which has got to hurt with his sore upper back, but the obvious joy on his face makes it clear any pain is worth it. Easton is animated in a way I haven’t seen for weeks. I can’t tell what he’s saying, but his cute little mouth is working overtime as he tells Dillon something.
Memories resurface in my mind, and I remember how Dillon coaxed me back to life at one time. Dillon is a lot of things, but there’s no denying he has this way of embracing life that is magical, and it’s this part of his personality that really draws people in. “I’m not sure we should even try,” I murmur.
Everything is about to change again, and I hope I’m making the right decision.