20
Dillon
Grabbing a beer, I guzzle it back as the usual blanket of guilt and remorse washes over me. So many times, I have wished I could go back to that last night together and do everything differently. If I had, everything might have turned out differently. Viv might be sitting here as my wife, and I might have been the only father Easton has ever known. Reeve would most likely be alive.
Or maybe nothing would’ve changed even if I had thrown myself at her feet a second time and begged her to stay. Offered to drop out of the band just to be with her. To this day, no one knows those were the thoughts floating through my mind back then. Even if I had told her what I was willing to sacrifice, it most likely wouldn’t have been enough. The only way it would have worked is if I’d come clean and told her everything. I’m pretty sure she would still have walked.
I try not to look back at the what-ifs, but it’s hard not to when I have so many regrets. If I had known at seventeen what I know now—how every action and reaction had a consequence with the most tragic fallout—I would have chosen differently. If my punishment is to have permanently lost the love of the only woman I will ever give my heart to, then so be it. I will have to accept that fate and try to find some way to make peace with it. But I refuse to lose my son in some form of twisted penance.
One thing I know for sure is I am going to fight for them to the bitter end. I won’t stop trying to make amends for all the ways I have wronged Vivien, even if I haven’t the foggiest notion where to start.
Viv drinks her cocktail like it’s water, and I’m shocked to see it’s almost half empty. She was never a big drinker. Even on special occasions, where everyone was knocking back drinks like they were going out of fashion, she always paced herself.
She stiffens, sitting up straighter and putting her drink down. “Wait. We’re forgetting something.” Air whooshes out of her mouth. “There are people in Ireland who knew about us. People like Cat andAoife.” Her mouth pulls into a hard line as she basically spits out Aoife’s name. “That bitch won’t hesitate to sell her story.” She rubs at her temples. “Fuck. I can’t have that coming out. They’ll twist it and say I was cheating on Reeve with his twin brother and make it this whole sordid thing. It will all start up again. I’ll be hated, and how can I protect Easton from that? It’s already bad enough.” The words tumble from her lush mouth in streams of liquid panic.
“Deep breaths, Viv.” Audrey says, smoothing a hand up and down her back. Viv’s chest heaves painfully as she draws exaggerated breaths, white-knuckling the table as she rides out her panic attack.
Ash and I trade concerned looks as we watch Audrey talk Viv off a ledge.
“You don’t need to worry about anyone back in Ireland,” I tell Viv when she’s okay. “They won’t say a word.”
She barks out a harsh laugh. “I’m pretty sure your whore will have plenty to say on the subject. She’s vindictive enough to cause trouble. Her gloating face that last day is something I’ve never forgotten.” Hurt glides across her face, and I feel like a worthless piece of shit.
It’s time to fess up.
“I’m sorry about that. What I did that night was shitty, but you should know I wasn’t with her. Not that night and never again. It’s like Ash said. I used her to hurt you because I was hurting so badly and I wanted you to feel what I felt.”
Viv yanks her glasses off, almost crushing them in her hand as she leans forward, glaring at me. “You think I wasn’t hurting?” she shouts. “I was hurting a whole lot before you did that and a whole lot more after. I cried nonstop the entire plane ride home. And don’t make out like you cared. Everyone here knows it was a setup, and I was the gullible fool who fell for it.”
“No.” I vigorously shake my head. “It started out as a setup, but what I felt for you was real. I told you that. I told you, no matter what happened, to believe it was real.”
“And then you told me a few weeks ago that you lied! You can’t turn around now and say you meant it all along!”
“I was devastated, Viv.” I hop up, grab my beer, and throw it at the side of the house as frustration does a number on me. I’m so pissed at myself for fucking everything up. It hits with a sharp thud, smashing into pieces, spraying beer over my cream-colored stone patio. “I loved you, and you left me for him.” She might as well have taken an ax to my heart, because she left me a broken, shattered mess and I still haven’t recovered.
Her hands are trembling as she puts her sunglasses back on. “There is no point rehashing old shit. I can’t do this now. I won’t do it.” Ignoring me, she turns to face Ash. “How do we silence Aoife?”
And just like that, I’ve been relegated to the sidelines again.
“Dillon took care of it years ago,” Ash explains, squeezing Viv’s hand. “We thought he was stupid at the time, but it seems he was smarter than any of us gave him credit for.”
I’m too angry and strung out to appreciate my sister’s half-assed compliment.
“Took care of it how?” Viv asks, still ignoring me.
Grabbing another beer from the tray, I sit back down, staring neutrally at Audrey as she glares at me. “I gave her a hundred grand in exchange for signing an NDA,” I explain, eyeballing Viv, even if she’s not looking directly at me. “If she speaks out, she’s breaking the terms, risking prosecution and a large financial penalty. No matter how vindictive she might be, she won’t say anything. None of them will. I got everyone to sign it. All the groupies. Cat. That dickhead she was going out with and your other friends from Trinners.” I smirk as I bring my beer to my lips. “At least that asshole’s money came in handy.”
“Why would you do that?” Audrey asks, staring at me like I’m a puzzle she needs to figure out.
“I didn’t want anyone spouting shit about me to the press.”
“You mean you didn’t want anyone ruining your little revenge plan,” Viv says. “If Aoife or any of the others had mentioned anything about me, you would’ve tipped Reeve off, but you wanted to wait to time that revelation when it would cause maximum exposure.”
She’s not entirely wrong, but that wasn’t the main reason. “Simon’s NDA was watertight. I was not to mention anything about Reeve or you or any children you may have. That’s why I did it.”
“Yet you had no qualms about coming forward after Simon’s death,” Audrey says.
I laugh. “It’s not like he’s going to arise from the dead and slap me with a lawsuit for breaching the terms, is it?”