11
Dillon
Iwait until they have left before rushing after them. “Dillon!” Ash hisses. “I know you’re anxious, but they are right. Just wait for them to come back.”
“They don’t want me anywhere near her, Ash, and I need to see her. I need to see with my own eyes that she’s okay.”
“Let him go,” Ro says. “He needs this.”
I slip out of the room, spotting the nurse and Viv’s parents up ahead. Keeping a few steps back, I trail them to the ICU, cursing when the door shuts after them and I can’t get in without a nurse or the security code. I spend ten minutes arguing with the nurse behind the ICU reception desk, but she won’t let me in. Nothing works as a bribe, and I’m forced to give up when she threatens to call security and have me thrown out.
Slumping, I make my way back to the waiting room, with my tail tucked between my legs. I pace the floor like a lunatic while my siblings throw question after question at me. I get it. There is lots they don’t know. We have hours to kill, and they want answers. But I can’t get into it all now. They are going to hate me for what I’ve done and call me a selfish prick, but I can’t handle that now. Ro falls asleep, lying on his side across a few chairs, his soft snores rippling through the room. But Ash doesn’t sleep, and she continues asking me shit I can’t even think about, let alone answer.
“Enough, Ash!” I roar when I can’t take it anymore.
“Watch your fucking tone,” Jamie snaps, instantly defending his woman.
“I know you need answers, and I will give them to you. But not now.” I grab fistfuls of my hair, hating I cut it, vowing to let it grow out again. “I’m hanging on by a thread here, Ash.” I fix her with pleading eyes. “Viv means everything to me. She’s everything.” I thump my closed fist over my heart. “I love her,” I croak. “And I’ve made such a mess of things. I need to speak to her. To tell her I lied. To see she’s okay with my own two eyes. I need to fix the mess I’ve made. I—” Air whooshes out of my mouth as my legs give out, and I sink to the floor, cradling my head in my hands.
“It’s okay.” Ash sits on the floor beside me. “I’m sorry for pushing. I know you’ll tell us when you’re ready.” She rubs her hand up and down my back. Strained silence fills the space between us. “You shouldn’t expect much from her, Dil. She’s bound to be in shock, and pain, and you can’t lay anything heavy on her. You don’t want to make things worse.”
It’s good advice. Advice I know I should take. But I’m itching to take all my cruel words back. “I said some horrible shit to her recently. I need her to know I didn’t mean it,” I explain.
“She won’t hear it now,” Ash softly supplies. “She’s too consumed in grief. I know I was when we lost our baby,” she adds, looking at Jamie with glassy eyes. She presses a kiss to my head, breathing deeply. “Viv has been dealt a double blow. I get you needing to see her, to know she’s okay, but that is all you should do. Let her grieve, Dillon, and when things have settled, you can talk to her.”
The hours roll by, and early sunlight bathes the room in hazy yellow hues. Ash is asleep with her head in Jamie’s lap, and Ro is still out for the count, but Jamie and I haven’t slept a wink. We don’t talk though. He’s too hung up worrying about Ash. Concerned this situation is dredging up their own loss, and worrying what it will do to her, no less. I’m too busy beating myself up for mistakes I’ve made that go back years. If only I had chased after her that night in Bruxelles. I should have gone after her when she told me she loved me and asked her one final time to stay. I didn’t fight hard enough for her, and by the time I’d pulled my head out of my ass, it was too late.
The door creaks as it opens, and a tired Mr. and Mrs. Mills enter the room. Ash is instantly awake, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she sits up. “How is she?”
“She’s in a lot of pain. Physical and emotional. She slept mostly,” Lauren explains, ignoring me and focusing on my sister. “When she was awake, she was groggy and not very lucid.” Lauren leans her head against her husband’s shoulder, and he cradles her to his side. “I don’t think she has fully grasped what has happened.”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Jonathon Mills says, eyeballing me like he wishes he could slice my head off my shoulders. “I don’t know what has happened between you, but my daughter doesn’t need any additional stress.”
“Leave or we’ll arrange to have you escorted off the premises,” Lauren adds.
“I just want to make sure she’s okay. I’m not going to cause any trouble. The last thing I want to do is hurt her or add to her stress,” I say, rising to my feet. I hold my shoulders back. “I love your daughter, and I have always regretted letting her go. She means everything to me.”
“I don’t trust a word that comes out of your mouth,” Lauren replies. “And Vivien is in no fit state to make any decisions. If you care for her, like you say you do, you will leave. When Vivien is strong enough, she can decide if she wants to see you or not.”
I want to tell them it’s not that cut-and-dried. I want to tell them I’m Easton’s father. But I won’t add to their grief. Now isn’t the time and my needs are bottom of the list of priorities. I don’t want to leave without seeing Vivien, but I don’t want to fall out with her parents either. I can always come back later, when they are not here, and sneak in to see her. “Okay. I’ll go.”
“I would like to see her,” Ash says. “Is it okay if I stay?”
Lauren looks undecided.
“Stay,” Jonathon says. “Audrey and Alex will be here shortly. Talk to Audrey. See what she thinks. If she says it’s okay, it’s fine by us.” Lauren closes her eyes, and she looks like she can barely stand any longer. “I’m going to take Lauren to the house to freshen up. We want to be there when our grandson wakes.”
“Maybe we should swap numbers,” Ash says. “That way we can keep each other informed if there are any developments.”
They exchange numbers as I rouse Ro. “Come on,” I tell him. “We’re leaving.” I hug my sister. “Keep me posted too, please.”
“I will. I promise.”
I jerk my head at Jamie, dragging my brother to his feet. Wetting my lips, I eyeball Viv’s parents. “I’m very sorry for any distress I may have caused you or your daughter. I just wanted to be here for her. I know I have made mistakes in the past, and I can only imagine what you must be thinking, but Viv is the love of my life. There has never been anyone but her. I know she’s devastated and traumatized right now, and I would never add to that. I will give her space, but you should know I’m going nowhere. I let her walk away from me once, and I’ve regretted it every day since. Being apart from her all these years has killed me, and it’s a mistake I won’t be making again.”
After a trip to the bathroom and the hospital cafeteria, Ro and I make our way outside, using the side entrance, keeping our heads down. There’s a big ruckus out the front of the hospital, where the fans and reporters are, and I’m guessing the Millses have stepped outside. At least it means no one is focused on us, and we make a quick dash across the parking lot, finding my Land Rover exactly where Jamie said it would be.
I’m behind the wheel, ready to pull out of the space, when Ash calls me. “Have you left yet?” she asks.