He has no idea how close I came to giving it all up. How I was prepared to quit the band and stay by her side if she had told me she’d stay.
I love music. I love performing. I’m happy doing what we’re doing, and it’s enough for me because I don’t want the nasty side of fame. I don’t want my private life under a microscope, and not because the truth about my twin brother would most likely come out. Why can’t the music be enough? We could make a comfortable living producing and streaming our own stuff. Playing local events. Building a loyal fanbase locally. But it won’t be enough for Jamie and Ronan. Even Conor is champing at the bit at the prospect this A&R scout might want to sign us.
Going to America and making it big has never been my dream, but I’ll do it for the guys, for my brother, because there is nothing holding me here now anyway.
* * *
“What is she doing here?” I slur a few hours later, spotting Aoife standing a few feet away, scowling in my direction.
“Ro invited her.” Jamie flops down beside me on the sofa. He hands me a beer, and I drain the last dregs of the one in my hand before tossing it on the carpeted floor. “You know your brother is a bleeding heart. Apparently, she was crying in the toilets at Bruxelles, so he took pity on her.”
“I hope he’s planning to fuck her because I’m not ever going there again.” I pop the cap on my beer, glugging a few mouthfuls.
“You should go after Viv. It’s not too late,” he says, glancing at the time on his mobile phone.
“Nah.” I scrunch up my nose. “Ro is right. It was always leading to this point.”
“I’m calling bullshit.” Jamie scrubs a hand along his stubbly jawline. “There is no shame in admitting you’re hurting. I know you love her. We all saw it happening.”
It wasn’t supposed to go down like this.
I was going to stealherheart.
She wasn’t supposed to steal mine.
But steal it she did. The plan was to make her fall in love with me and then break her heart so badly he got a shell of the woman he loved back. My heart was never meant to get involved, but she reeled me in before I even realized what was happening. She made me feel things I have never felt before. Love. Hope. Possibility. She made me believe I was worthy. That things could be different, and for a little while there, I believed in a future where we were together.
Yet it wasn’t real. She was always preparing to return to him.
Now, I’m the one left nursing a broken heart while she swans back to that selfish prick.
How does he do this? How does he always come out on top? I have never hated anyone as much as I hate Reeve Lancaster and his father. I hate them with a burning intensity that grows hotter and stronger with every passing day.
“What is that slut doing here?” Ash snaps, materializing in front of us an hour later. The party is in full swing now, and our small living room is bursting at the seams. Music thumps through the loudspeakers, almost drowning out the sound of conversation and laughter.
“Hello to you too, sister,” I slur, swiping the joint out of Conor’s fingers before he can lift it to his lips.
“I’m not talking to you,” she hisses, pinning me with red-rimmed eyes as she crawls into Jamie’s lap. Ash curls into a ball against her boyfriend, sniffling into his neck.
She has the saddest expression on her face, and pain presses down on my chest as the realization dawns. “She’s gone.”
“No thanks to you.” Ash swipes at the dampness on her cheeks.
“It’s nothing to do with me.” I blow smoke circles into the air. “This was always the way it was meant to be.”
She opens her mouth, and Jamie whispers something into her ear. A hushed conversation ensues, and they both glance at me as they debate something. Jamie kisses her, and a pang of longing for my girl hits me square in the face.
I force beer down my dry throat, needing to numb myself to all thoughts and emotions. Ash stares at me as she cuddles with her boyfriend, letting him comfort her, but her angry expression has been exchanged for something worse—pity. I pretend I don’t notice, sitting there stewing in a mess of my own making, drinking and smoking to drown out my pain.
The rest of the night is a blur, and I don’t budge from my position on the sofa, observing the party raging around me like an objective bystander. I’m vaguely conscious of Jamie and my brother carrying me up to my room at some point, and everything is a blank after that.
Muffled voices tickle my eardrums, attempting to lure me from sleep, but I ignore them. Drums are pounding a new beat in my skull, and my tongue feels like it’s superglued to the roof of my mouth. Someone prods me in the leg, but I play comatose, knowing they’ll go away if I continue playing dead.
“Aarghhh!” I bolt upright as ice-cold water drenches my upper torso, waking up every single cell and nerve ending in my body. “What the fuck?” I shout, shaking droplets of water all over my duvet as I push wet hair back off my face.
“Get up!” Ash says. “We need to talk, and I’m done waiting.”
“Fuck off, Ash.” I glare at her through blurry vision.