A week passes, and it’s hard to think about anything else but the situation we find ourselves in. Lori has called, asking if we want to come and visit. She thinks it might help if we meet him. I agree it makes sense, but how do we meet the child and then let him go if we decide we can’t do this? Having met him will make it all the more real.
“We need to make a decision,” Dillon tells me when he arrives back at the house after dropping Easton at school. “We are torturing ourselves and going around in circles.”
I turn away from the window, clasping my hands around my mug of peppermint tea. I’ve been staring out the window since I got off my call with Audrey. “I know.” Time is something Lori doesn’t have, and if we can’t do this, she deserves to know so she can make alternate arrangements.
“Let’s talk outside.” Dillon approaches, and I drink the rest of my tea, setting the cup down on the counter. Bending down, he kisses me. “I love you.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you too.” I kiss him softly, and we rest our brows together, just holding one another for a few minutes, both of us understanding the magnitude of our impending conversation—the culmination of many, many conversations we’ve had this past week. We have spoken among ourselves and talked with Jamie and Ash and both sets of parents. My in-laws spoke about the rewards and the challenges of adopting, and they offered a different perspective.
Dillon takes my hand and leads me out to the memorial garden. My heart is swollen with conflicting emotions as we sit down on the bench.
“You’re a prick,” Dillon barks, glaring at the wooden plaque he nailed to the tree. It has Reeve’s and Lainey’s names on it. “How could you do this to your son? To Vivien and Easton? To us?” He clutches my hand. “Now, we’re the ones left picking up the pieces.” He flips his middle finger up at the sky. “I hope you see that, you selfish jerk.”
I shouldn’t laugh, because there is nothing humorous about this, but I can’t help giggling. I rub his back. “Feel better?”
“A little.” He grins.
“I remembered something last night,” I tell him. “When we were arguing that last night in the car, Reeve mentioned how he had made sacrifices for me. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I know this is what he meant. He must have regretted his decision in that moment, Dillon.” I lift my hand, brushing waves of blond hair off his brow. “He must have felt so betrayed. I hate to think he died feeling like that.”
“He died protecting you, Vivien. That was his sole purpose in life. Keeping you safe was the last thing on his mind. He died loving you. You can be sure of that.”
“I never thought I’d wish for a boring life, but I really fucking do.” I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes. “Is it too much to ask for?”
“Life is never dull, that’s for sure.” He tweaks my nose, grinning when I slap his hand away.
“What do you want to do?” I ask, and his grin fades.
He lifts my hand to his mouth, and delicious tremors whip up my arm when he plants his lips on my skin. “I want to adopt him, Vivien. I want to give him a chance at a normal life. I want the boys to be brothers.”
My smile expands. “I want that too.”
Shock splays across his face. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m terrified to do this, but I can’t say no either.” I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I spoke to Audrey before you came home. She and Alex offered to take him.”
His eyes pop wide. “Wow. That’s a big commitment to make.”
“They loved Reeve, and neither of them want to see Bodhi going into the system or being adopted by strangers.”
He is silent for several minutes, processing, no doubt, like I was when my bestie made her kind suggestion.
“That is very generous of them, but we can’t let them do it.”
“I agree.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “Bodhi belongs with us. He’s Reeve’s flesh and blood. I can’t turn my back on him, and it’s not just because I know this is what Reeve would want. It’s what I want.” I lift my head, looking my husband in the eyes. “Reeve lives on in this little boy. If I can have a little piece of Reeve with me, then I’m going to grab Bodhi and hold him close.” I examine his eyes carefully, to ensure he understands what I mean and that I’m not hurting him.
He stands, pulling me to my feet. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, and it’s like that for me. I missed out on getting to know Reeve, but now I get to care for and love his son.” He bundles me into his arms, and I go willingly. “When should we tell East?”
I lift my chin up. “I think we should tell him when he gets home from school.”
“Should we wait and visit Bodhi by ourselves first?”
“I don’t think so. We’re either all in or we’re not. Visiting him should just be a formality because the decision is made. It’s not like we get to say no if he doesn’t warm to us immediately or it looks like he might have behavioral issues or problems adjusting. All of those things are probably par for the course, and in agreeing to accept him into our family, we are agreeing to love him through the good and the bad.”
“I love the fuck out of you, Mrs. O’Donoghue.”
“Right back at ya, babe.” I plant a loud kiss on his cheek as a trickle of nervous excitement bubbles up my throat. “We’re doing this. We’re really doing this.”
“Yeah. We are.” He hugs me tight. “This already feels right.” He rests his chin on the top of my head.
“It does. It really does.”
“Come on then. Let’s call Lori and give her the good news.”