As he thrusts inside me, making slow passionate love to me, I realize what this means. I’m irrevocably in love with Reeve, and our connection is still very much alive. I don’t know what this means for our future, but I know I need him back in my life, in some guise, because I miss him. I miss this.
We come together, and it breaks me apart and heals me at the same time. As we descend from our high, we curl against one another, skin to skin, with my head buried in his shoulder. My fingers trace over the heart-shaped tattoo on his chest with my name inside. I still can’t believe he got this for me because he’s always been adamant he didn’t want any ink. Thinking of ink naturally leads me to thoughts of Dillon. Reality hits, and I’m crying before I realize it.
My heart and soul forever belong to two men.
It’s an irrefutable truth that won’t ever change.
Reeve is the air I breathe.
Dillon is the fire that consumes me.
How am I expected to live without a part of my heart?
I don’t know what this means for my future or where I go from here, but I can’t deny the truth any longer—I’m deeply in love with two men, and I’m a hot mess because I have no clue what to do.
Reeve kisses every tear, giving assurances, whispering how much he loves me, promising me it is going to be all right. I sob into his shoulder, clutching him to me, hating myself for what I’ve just done, because it feels like such a betrayal so soon after leaving Dillon, while another part of me desperately clings to the man I have loved my entire life, never wanting to be separated from him again.
My emotions veer back and forth, going round and round, until I literally make myself ill from trying to work out the complex machinations of my heart. Nausea swims up my throat, and I race to the bathroom, vomiting the entire contents of my stomach.
Reeve comforts me as I retch and cry until I’m physically and emotionally drained. He passes me a toothbrush to use while propping me up before he carries me back out to the living room and plies me with water. He cradles me protectively in his arms as I cling to him like a limpet. I’m all cried out and no closer to knowing what I’m going to do with my love life. Reeve doesn’t pressure me to talk. He just holds me for an indeterminable amount of time.
After a while, he helps me into my underwear while he pulls on his boxers. He carries me outside to the balcony, placing my feet on the ground. Pulling me back against his chest, we hold one another as we stare at the placid ocean. His arm bands around my bare breasts, shielding me. He dots kisses along my neck, and I arch my head back, both loving and hating how much his arms feel like home. Like I belong here and this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
“I know you’re upset, and I can guess why. I’m not going to lie and say I’m happy you love this Irish guy, but it’s my fault you were even there in the first place, so I’ve got to man up and accept the situation.” He spins me around, hauling me in close as his lips brush softly against mine. “He’s not here, Viv. I am. And I’m all yours in every sense of the word. I won’t be making any decisions about my career without your involvement. Everything I do from here on out will be done placing your needs above mine. I know you need time, and I’ll give you that, but please say you’ll give us another chance. If we try and you say it’s not working for you, it will kill me, but I’ll walk away. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, because that is the only thing that matters to me anymore. You are my entire world, Viv, and I won’t stop until I have proven that to you.”