62
Ican see he really means that, but I can’t just accept his word for it. Reeve has a long way to go before he proves himself to me, and that’s if I even want that. I am so confused right now. My head is a complete mess over two different guys, and I don’t know whether I am coming or going. Jet lag isn’t helping either. I deliberately don’t respond to his statement. “You have changed,” I murmur, seeing him in a slightly different light.
“I’ve worked hard these past few months to right my wrongs and focus on the things that matter. In case it’s not clear, that means you first and then my career. I’ve spent so long trying to win my dad’s affection I didn’t realize I was taking yours for granted. Your parents too. Losing all of you was the wake-up call I needed to pull my head out of my ass. Fuck my dad. I’m done trying to please him. Ironically, he’s actually made more of an effort, but it’s too little, too late for me.”
The car pulls into the underground parking lot of a low-rise apartment building, and I frown as I look out of the window. “Where are we?”
“My apartment in Pacific Palisades.”
“You own an apartment?”
He nods. “It’s only a stopgap. I found a couple of perfect sites to build our home, but I wouldn’t dream of buying anything without your involvement.”
I squirm on the seat. This is too much heavy. “Reeve…”
He flashes me a boyish smile and my heart thump-thumps behind my chest cavity. “I know I’m probably coming on too strong. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that, but I’m going to win you back, Viv. I’m not giving up.” His smile fades a little. “Not even if you tell me that Irish guy has a fighting chance.”
Pain eviscerates my heart and punches me in the lungs, and I struggle to breathe. For a while there, I’d actually managed to forget about Dillon.
“Fuck.” Reeve gently grips my arms. “I’ve got you, Viv. Breathe in and out. Nice and slow.” He breathes with me until I’ve regained my composure. His eyes lower to my collarbone, and his face pales. “Did he buy you that?” he asks, and I glance down, only now realizing my fingers are stroking my Claddagh necklace. I nod, and he squeezes his eyes shut.
The car glides to a halt, and when his eyes pop open, they are full of pain. I should probably feel some modicum of pleasure to have inflicted even an ounce of the agony he inflicted on me, but I get no joy out of seeing him hurt. “Do you love him?” he whispers, piercing me with an anguished look.
I’m not going to hide anything, and I have done nothing wrong. “Yes.”
He buries his head in his hands, and the urge to comfort him is riding me hard, but I don’t move a muscle. After a couple minutes of awkward silence, he lifts his head, spearing me with fearful blue eyes. “Do you still love me?”
“Yes. I do. I love you.”
Relief floods his face. “I can work with that.”
“Reeve…”
“I know, Viv. You don’t need to say it. I know you, remember?”
Taking my hand, he helps me out of the car, and I let him hold me as we take the elevator to the top of his apartment building.
“I got the penthouse, but it’s not huge. At least, not compared to where we both grew up.” Taking his keys out of his pocket, he opens the door.
“I lived in a penthouse in Dublin, and I actually loved that it was smaller. Much easier to clean.”
“I can’t wait to hear about your trip. What is Ireland like?” he asks, pulling me into a large bright open living space. On the right is a massive kitchen with white cabinets, stainless-steel appliances, and dappled white-and-gray-marble countertops. A matching island unit separates the kitchen from the dining table, and beyond that is the living room.
“It was amazing. I’ll tell you all about it, but wow. This view is to die for.” I march past the gray leather sectional toward the far window. All the windows in this space are floor-to-ceiling windows offering incredible views of the Pacific Ocean in the near distance.
“I bought this place for the view,” he states, coming to stand alongside me. “I probably should’ve bought a place in Beverly Hills or West Hollywood to be closer to the studios, but I wanted to be near the ocean. Now that I’m clean and sober I’ve taken up running again, and I jog every morning at five a.m. down at Santa Monica Pier.”
“Clean and sober?” I inquire, looking sideways at him.
“I attended an outpatient rehab clinic for a couple months to wean myself off all the shit I was doing. I saw a therapist there too.”
“It was that bad? Why didn’t I see it?”
“It was hella bad after that photo surfaced. I reached a real low point, but ultimately, it was a turning point. It was at that juncture I decided to turn my life around. As for why you didn’t see it—I didn’t want you to see it, Viv. And, before you ask, I didn’t do much shit when I was with you. I didn’t need to.” He softens his voice, brushing his fingers across my cheek. “You’re the only drug I need.”
“No drug is healthy, Reeve. They’re all addictive and damaging to your health.”
“Except you. You were always good for me. I was a fucking fool to have vented my frustration at you instead of confiding in you and letting you help me make the right decisions. I’ve grown up a lot these past few months. I missed you like crazy.” He traps my face in his palms. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Vivien. I have missed your gorgeous face.”