He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You were right about everything, and I should have believed you. You have always had my back, and instead of letting you in, I shut you out. I’m disgusted with myself.” He shakes his head, sighing. “I made a lot of bad decisions. I chose to believe the wrong people and it cost me the most precious thing in the world—you. I’m not excusing my behavior. Not at all. I’m just trying to explain how I ended up in such a bad place. At the start, being away from you unsettled me more than I could have imagined. I was overwhelmed with everything expected of me on set and really feeling my age. The other actors were all older and more experienced in movies and life. I felt lost and young, and I was definitely out of my comfort zone. Bianca and Cassidy were pushing me to break up with you, and the stress of that combined with the movie responsibility and the long hours took its toll. Saffron—”
I growl at the mention of her name. It’s an automatic reaction, one I can’t control.
“I know you hate her with good reason. I hate her too, but I need to tell you everything. You need to know it all, and I can’t not mention her name.”
“Fine.” I clip the word out because I want to hear what he has to say. I’m stronger and wiser now, and I won’t give her the power she once held over me.
“She suggested I pop a few uppers. She said it was how everyone coped with long shifts on set. She said everyone was doing it. I’d seen the guys snorting coke, so I stupidly believed her.” His tongue darts out, wetting his lips. “I hid the true extent of my drug use from you because I was embarrassed. I had always been anti-drugs, as you know. It was a slippery slope, and I was plunging headfirst down it. I know now that I should have confided everything to you, but I didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted Dad to be proud of me.”
He briefly closes his eyes. “I should have gone to your mom and sought her advice before signing that new contract, but I was already fucked up from pills and coke and Saffron was mouthing in my ear, saying fake relationships were the norm and if you loved me you wouldn’t have a problem with it.”
I lean my head back against the headrest, wondering if my parents know any hitmen. I would really love to put a bullet between that conniving bitch’s eyes.
“I’m doing all the things I should have done from the start,” he continues before I can question him on what exactly has gone on between him and his costar. Or ex-costar now, I suppose. “I will explain everything I’ve discovered back at my place. For now, I need you to know I’m done with letting assholes manipulate me. I’ve cut ties with Bianca. I have a new supportive team around me who genuinely cares about me and my best interests. I’ve signed with Margaret, and Edwin Chambers is my publicist. I pulled out of the movie I was due to film this summer so I could get to the bottom of things and make amends,” he cryptically adds.
“What about her? I need to know what happened, and I don’t want you holding anything back. This is your only chance to fess up, Reeve. You’re lucky I’m even giving you a chance to explain.”
“I know that, Viv, and I’m grateful.”
“Have you fucked her?”
Slowly, he nods, and I close my eyes as pain jumps up and slaps me across the face. “Have you fucked other women since we broke up?” I ask, forcing my eyes open. I need to look at him when he says this to know if he’s telling me the truth.
He vehemently shakes his head. “Nope. I haven’t so much as looked at another woman. The only woman I want is you.” He rubs the back of his head. “With Saffron, it was only one time,” he rushes to assure me. “In Mexico, when those pictures were taken. I was high and drunk, and I have no recollection of it. All I know is I woke up beside her, and it was obvious what we’d done.”
Tears pool in his eyes. “I threw up the second I realized the truth and what it meant for us. That fucking bitch laughed. She stood over me while I puked my guts up in the toilet, laughing and smiling while snorting a line.” Anger flares in his eyes. “She had the audacity to assume we would be together after that, but I made it abundantly clear I would never have fucked her if I’d been sober and I wanted her nowhere near me. I went to the studio and told them I would walk if they didn’t keep her away from me when we weren’t filming. I told them the only way I’d promoteSweet Retributionwas if she was nowhere near me.”
That matches what Audrey told me a few months ago, and I know he’s telling me the truth. It’s written all over his face. The knowledge he only fucked her once helps a lot. Given the circumstances, the fact we were broken up, and I was already with Dillon means I can’t hold it over him. It wouldn’t be fair to do that to him.
“They agreed, and that pissed her off,” he continues. “I found out afterwards she had staged the whole thing. Had a photographer hiding close by to take the money shot. She timed it perfectly to ruin your birthday. I’m so sorry.”
“What a pity you hadn’t done that the first time it was obvious she was interfering.” There is no heat behind my words, and though it still hurts, especially that public kiss shared around the world, I have learned to deal with it. Sheila, my therapist in Ireland, helped me to process all my feelings, and I’ve come to accept what has happened. I will never forget it or how it made me feel, but I can discuss it now and not want to scream in a fit of rage.
“I should have. Everything would’ve been different if I hadn’t been so weak. So stupid. I failed myself as much as I failed you.” He twirls a lock of my hair around his finger, and fierce determination washes over his face. “I won’t ever fail you again, Viv. If you give me one more chance, I will prove to you I’m worthy of it.”