“If my daughter starts cursing, I’ll kick your, uh, fanny,” Nate warned, adjusting the end of his sentence when Ruby ran over with something cupped her in her hands. “Hey, sweetheart, what do you have—oh, shit! I mean, fuck. I mean,what is that?”
Olivia pressed her lips together while Sammy buried his face in her neck, his shoulders shaking.
Ruby held up the decapitated doll’s head with a toothy smile. “Barbie!”
“Okay, but...” Kris looked like she was trying not to laugh at Nate’s freaked-out expression. “Where’s therestof Barbie, honey?”
Ruby shrugged. “I’ll look!” She dumped the head in Nate’s hand and ran back to the other children, who were rooting in the ground for God knows what.
“Pssst. Kris.” Luke lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “I think your daughter’s a budding serial killer.”
Kris leveled him with a cool glare, looking impeccable as always in a Prada sweater and Rag & Bone skinny jeans tucked into a pair of snakeskin boots that probably cost more than the average American’s monthly rent. “Pssst, Luke.” She matched his stage whisper. “Why don’t you shove your corn cob up your ass?”
Pent-up laughter swept through the crowd, both at Luke’s offended expression and the way Nate Reynolds—famous for playing some of the big screen’s toughest, most macho action heroes—held the doll’s head away from him like it would suck his soul out if it got too close.
“Oh, so everyone’s cursing now, butI’mthe only one who gets yelled at for it?” Trey shook his head. “Bull. Shit.”
“Technically, doll decapitation is not a proven sign of a serial killer in the making,” Nardo said, adjusting his glasses. “More reliable indicators include torturing small animals, arson, voyeurism, antisocial behavior—”
“Can wenottalk about this at a holiday party with children?” Olivia planted her hands on her hips. “I want tonight to be perfect. Why don’t we share—”
She stopped as something flew in front of her and landed in the fire pit.
Leo peered at it. “Is that...”
“Yes.” Olivia pressed two fingers to her temple as a loud wail ripped through the air. “Yes, it is.”
Ruby had apparently found the rest of Barbie’s body but tripped on her way back to her parents. The doll had gone flying out of her hands and was now dying a slow death in the fire while Nate and Kris consoled their distraught daughter.
Well, Nate consoled—Kris was busy snapping at Luke, who kept muttering, “See? Arson,” under his breath.
“That’s not arson, you idiot,” Kris said. “What do you have against Ruby?”
“Nothing. All I’m saying is, arson, fire, kinda the same thing—”
“No, it’s not,” Nardo interjected. “Arson is by definition the ‘willful or malicious burning of property,’ according to Merriam-Webster.”
“It smells like plastic.” Leo glanced at Olivia. “Do you have any Febreze lying around?”
“Ronnie,no!”Donna yelled at her son, who was smearing barbecue sauce all over Lily and Aiden’sbrand-new white Ralph Lauren shirts.“What did I tell you about—stop, or no YouTube for a week!”
“This is making me question our decision to adopt.” Tamara popped a pineapple slice in her mouth. “I mean, we already have a dog. Do we really need a kid?”
“What? We don’t have a dog.” Jessica’s frown melted when Tamara froze. “Wait, did you get us a dog for Christmas? Oh my God!”
“Fuck.”Tamara groaned, but a smile escaped when Jessica peppered her with questions about the breed.
“Language!” Nate roared, waving the doll’s head in the air while he kept his other arm around a sobbing Ruby.
“Is it a husky? A golden retriever? A labrador—”
“I swear, Ronnie, if you don’t listen to me and stopright now,it’ll betwoweeks without YouTubeorTV—”
“That’s not what arson means!”
“You’rethe serial killer!”
“Bite me!”