“He’s dangerous—”
“How long has this been going on—”
“Is he forcing you into this, because I saw the way he looked at you—”
“Stop.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
This was why I didn’t share things about my life often. Not because I didn’t want accountability, but because of other people’s reactions and expectations, whatever they may be.
I forced a calming breath through my nose before I addressed my friends’ points one by one.
“Yes, Christian is my fake boyfriend. Like I said, it’s a long story. He is not dangerous—I mean, he’s a little intense, but he runs a security company. His job is literally to protect people’s lives. Plus, he’s friends with Rhys, so he can’t be that bad. Last night was our first fake date, and no, he is not forcing me into this.”
The last part was definitely true. The rest was debatable, but I kept that to myself.
“I wouldn’t say he’s best friends with Rhys. They have…” Bridget paused, “an interesting relationship.”
“Forget Rhys,” Jules said. “No offense, Bridge. He’s great and all, but I want to know about the boyfriend part. Stel, you don’t even want a real relationship. Why on earth are you in a fake one? Are you in trouble?” Concern dimmed some of the sparkle in her eyes.
Guilt flared to life in my chest.
I hated burdening people with my problems, but I should’ve anticipated their worry. Any romantic relationship was out of the norm for me. I wasn’t opposed to dating, I just…wasn’t interested.
I liked the idea of it. When I read a romance book, watched a romantic scene, or saw cute couples at dinner, a yearning for something similar tugged at my gut. But once the book or movie was over and I re-entered the bright light of reality, the yearning disappeared.
Romanticizing love was easy. Falling in love was harder, especially when my previous relationships had all lacked…something. Some sort of emotional connection that would make the risk of falling worth it.
Plus, I’d gotten used to being single, and I doubted the reality of love could live up to my fantasies of it, so I didn’t even try.
“I’m not in trouble. I promise,” I said when I noticed Jules’s skeptical expression. “I just…” Need more social media followers so I can make more money. My skin heated at how shallow that sounded.
The truth was more complicated, but I couldn’t dig into it without telling my friends about Maura, and that was a conversation I wasn’t prepared to have at eight-thirty in the morning.
“I’m in the running for a huge brand deal, but I don’t have as many followers as some of the other girls. I figured I could improve my chances if I hit the million mark.”
Bridget’s frown deepened. “How does that tie in with getting a boyfriend?”
I reluctantly explained the rest of my plan. It sounded even more ridiculous when I said it out loud to people who weren’t familiar with the influencer world, but there was no point in holding back.
When I finished, the silence was a thousand times heavier than the one before.
“Wow,” Ava finally said. “That’s…wow.”
“Is sex part of the deal? If it’s not, it should be. Christian looks like he would be a beast in bed.” As expected, Jules was the first to get over her shock and jump straight to the dirty part. “No offense, but you could use a little lovin’ in your life. As much as we adore you, there are some things we can’t provide.”
“No, it isn’t, and it never will be,” I said firmly.
I’d made it clear to Christian that our arrangement wouldn’t encompass any physical displays of affection unless they were necessary to sell our public image as a couple.
Sex didn’t factor into the equation. At all. No matter how gorgeous he was or how good he might be in bed.
My skin heated at a mental image of a naked—
Don’tgo there.
This was what happened when I missed my morning routine. My brain freaked out and started picturing things it had no business picturing.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d fantasized about sex, let alone had it.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” Ava’s concern was palpable. “You’ve never cared that much about your follower count before.”
I hadn’t obsessed over it the way other bloggers did, but saying I didn’t care was giving me too much credit.
Everyone trying to grow a platform on social media cared, and those that said they didn’t were lying.
Those little numbers could wreak havoc on anyone’s mental health.