He’d tried reaching out after he and Ava got back together, but I’d ignored him and we’d never had a real, honest conversation about it.
It was long past due, but that didn’t stop my stomach from knotting with dread at the prospect of digging up bones from the past.
“I understand why you’re still upset with me. It was…a betrayal of trust, what I did. But I…” Alex paused, clearly searching for the right words. A speechless Alex Volkov was a rare sight, and I would’ve reveled in it more had I not been so distracted by the burn in my chest.
“I’ve never had many friends,” he finally said. “People flocked to me because I was rich, smart, and I could help them get what they wanted.” He listed the qualities in a detached manner, so self-assured he came off more analytical than arrogant. “They were transactional relationships, and I was fine with that. But you were my first real friend. Even if my intentions weren’t true at the start of our friendship, everything that came after was.”
The burn intensified. “What you did was fucked up.”
“I know.”
I rubbed a hand over my face, trying to quiet the debate raging in my head.
We’d reached a fork in the road. I could either stay on the circular path I’d walked for the past two years, or I could take the only exit available to me.
The first option was comfortable and familiar, the latter unknown and scary as fuck. I didn’t want to end up betrayed and lied to again.
But Jules was right. Holding onto anger was exhausting, and I was already so fucking tired these days. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
Sometimes, it was a struggle just to breathe.
“It’s been almost two years.” I was halfway to the exit, but I couldn’t bring myself to take the leap just yet. “Why bring this up now?”
“Because you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. If someone tries to push you in one direction, you’ll do your best to go in the other.” Dry humor laced his words. “But what I did was wrong, and I am…sorry. For the most part.”
What the fuck? “That’s the worst damn apology I’ve ever heard.”
“I don’t aspire to be the type of person who apologizes so much that they're good at it.”
Typical Alex logic.
“But if I hadn’t done what I did, we would’ve never been friends, and my life…” Another, longer pause. “My life would be half of what it is today,” he finished softly.
The burn in my chest spread, and my throat flexed. “You’re becoming sentimental, Volkov. Don’t let your business opponents know or they’ll eat you alive.”
“Au contraire. More sentimentality in my personal life means more steam I need to let off elsewhere. It’s been very lucrative for business.” Alex oozed satisfaction.
“I’m sure it has.” I passed my hand over my face again, trying to figure out where to go from here. This was not how I’d envisioned the day going when I woke up. “You know we can’t just go back to being best friends again and pretend like the past didn’t happen, right?”
The line of his jaw turned rigid. “I know.”
“But…if you want to catch a Nats game or something when we’re back in D.C., I wouldn’t be opposed,” I added gruffly.
Alex relaxed, and a smile flickered over his mouth. “You miss the box seats, don’t you?”
“Hell yeah. I’m open to bribery if you would like to get back into my good graces.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I finished my second drink before I asked, “How did you know Ava was the one?”
I’d never been in love. I didn’t particularly want to be, but I wanted to know what cracked Alex’s stony heart. Before Ava, I could imagine a robot more capable of feeling than the man sitting next to me.
“I like being with her.”
“No shit. Be more specific.”
He sighed. “It’s easy being with her,” he said after a long moment. “She understands me in a way no one else does, even if our worldviews are fundamentally different. When I’m not with her, I wish she were there. When I am with her, I want that moment to last forever. She makes me want to be a better person, and when I think about a world where she doesn’t exist…” His jaw flexed. “I want to burn every inch of it to the ground.”
I stared at him. “Holy fuck. Who are you and what the fuck have you done to Alex Volkov?” I clapped him on the back. “Whoever you are, you should write for the murderous edition of Hallmark.”
Alex glared at me. “Tell anyone I said that, and I will skin you alive with a rusted knife to prolong the pain.”
“Exactly. Just like that. So murderously romantic.”
“Your box seats are skating on thin ice, Chen.”
“Hey, remember. I’m the one who has to forgive you. Be nice.” I motioned the bartender for another drink.
Despite my jokes, my brain couldn’t stop replaying Alex’s words.
When I’m not with her, I wish she were there. When I am with her, I want that moment to last forever.
I’d never felt that way toward a woman…except for one.
Unbidden images from the past two months ran through my head. Me and Jules beneath the tree at the picnic. Me telling her about Tanya’s death in the library. The adorable way her brow scrunched when she was concentrating and the proud smile that lit up her face when I finally proclaimed her ready for the bunny slope in Vermont.
The way she laughed, the way she tasted, and the way I felt when I was with her, like I never wanted her to leave.
I’d chalked all that up to a mixture of lust and blossoming friendship, but what if…