It wasn't until Rayne pushed herself up from the bed and wandered over to the bowl of water left for her evening wash that Asher began to get the sense that all was not well.
The excitement Asher had felt, allowing himself to wonder for a moment at the possibilities between them, was short lived. He propped himself up on one elbow and watched Rayne as she wringed out the cloth over the bowl and began to clean his seed from her stomach.
It wasn't until she’d done so that she turned to look at him, her usually pale blue eyes now dark with something unreadable to the king. If he had to guess, he might’ve said it was regret. His worries were confirmed when she began to speak.
"I shouldn't have allowed that to happen," she shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself, crossing her legs as she allowed the skirt of her nightgown to fall around them from where she’d been holding it up around her waist to wash.
Bile rose in the back of Asher's throat. He imagined she wasn't the first to regret being with him, but she was certainly the first to admit it to his face. He’d never been big-headed in the bedroom, but he had to admit this stung more than a little.
"If you didn't wish for me to have you, all you had to do was say so," he growled, shoving himself up from the bed. He had no wish to be in the bed of a maiden who didn’t want him there. He had never forced himself upon anyone, not even the mother of his child, Elia, who had been rumored to have spread such gossip.
"No... I wanted…" Rayne began, but he did not allow her to finish.
"This is exactly why I didn’t wish to marry a stranger!" he snarled even as he grabbed his robe and pants from the floor where they had fallen.
"Your Grace, I…" she began, but he didn’t get to hear what she had to say because he stormed from the room while she still remained by the bowl of water, looking utterly crestfallen.
Chapter 9 - Rayne
Regret kept her from sleeping for the rest of the night. Still sore between her legs where Asher had taken her, she lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to forget how the king had looked as he stormed from her bedchamber. She’d been a fool to allow him into her bed, but even more of a fool to speak any words of regret afterwards. Though she was still unsure as to whether she should really have allowed it to happen, she was sure about one thing. She’d loved every part of their lovemaking during the act. Only afterwards did she begin to second-guess herself. And the soreness between her legs would not allow her to forget it.
Rolling onto her left side, she gazed out of the open window at the lightning sky, wondering whether the king had been as restless as she’d been since their encounter. Of course not, she shook her head with a sigh and a deep groan. He won't even think twice about me. Reminding herself that he was a king and kings could have any woman they wanted would be her armor. At least, that's what she told herself.
She’d gotten what she wanted as much as he had. She’d wanted him to desire her, and after their love making, she was entirely sure he desired her more than she’d ever dreamt possible.
"Stop thinking about it!" she snapped at herself as rationality suddenly returned and she began to realize the lightning sky meant that dawn was approaching and she had to be ready to go to Elia's room.
She was still washing between her legs with the cold water from the previous night when she heard the drapes being pulled back behind her. Her teeth gritted instantly, knowing who had come to whittle on at her yet again.
"I’m in no mood for your lectures this morning, mother," she snapped. She expected her mother to snap back at her, but when she didn't, she turned to find her mother simply standing in the doorway smiling at her. As if she’d been awaiting her daughter's full attention, she began to clap raucously until the sound bounced off the hard stone walls. Rayne flinched, struggling not to show her discomfort to her mother.
"Well done, my girl!" Egwene praised highly, so highly in fact that Rayne couldn't believe it. She had never been praised by her mother before, not even when she’d been a child, before her father had committed his most heinous crime. "I didn't believe you had it in you, but clearly you have more of me in you than I imagined."
Bile rose in the back of her throat at the realization that her mother had heard all that had occurred the night before. Of course, she had! In quarters with only drapes for doors, it was impossible not to hear everything. All Rayne could be thankful for was the fact that her mother hadn't made her presence known during her intimate moment with the king.
"I don't know what was so good about it," Rayne sighed and shook her head. "Did you miss the part where he stormed out?"
She turned her face away to continue preparing for the day ahead, struggling to hide the way her cheeks reddened with embarrassment. She stepped behind the dressing screen to remove her night gown and pull on her undergown, the simple gray-silver uniform she’d been given upon becoming Elia's governess. Though this one was clean, it instantly made her feel dirty, reminding her she was nothing but a servant who’d allowed her king to have his way with her.
"Don't you see? You have him right where we want him," her mother insisted, dragging her from behind the screen so she could pull the bodice of her dress tight in order to show off her curves. Every act her mother committed was an attempt to make her more appealing and get them where she wanted to go in life. Rayne was beginning to feel like a puppet on a string.
"Where is that, exactly? He has gotten what he wanted and now he’ll leave us both alone," Rayne sighed. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or disappointed at that.
"He might have left you alone if he believed you satisfied, but your performance last night may have just left him wanting more," Egwene's voice was becoming more and more excited, and it only aided in making Rayne feel worse.
As soon as her mother was finished, she pulled away, slipped on her shoes, and began to make her way to the door. "I should get going."
Her mother looked as though she were about to say more, but she didn’t give her the chance, slipping past the drapes and only stopping for a moment to tie back her hair with a simple ribbon before making her way from the antechamber.
The walk from her rooms to the nursery seemed much longer than usual, and by the time she reached them, she was filled with anticipation. Knowing the king would likely already be there, sharing breakfast with his daughter as he did every morning, Rayne couldn't help but feel as though she wanted to turn tail and run in the opposite direction. If not for the fact that flying was forbidden in the palace, she might have flown right out of the nearest window.
The guards who stood duty outside the nursery gave her respectful bows of welcome as she approached, and she knew she couldn't turn back now. They had seen her and if the king questioned them on her whereabouts, they would surely give her away. After all, how could she expect anyone to lie to a king for her?
With a deep breath she nodded, and one of the guards reached out to push open the door. The familiar scent of vanilla that always filled the nursery hit her as soon as she walked in, but so did the realization that Elia was sitting alone at the table beside the fireplace. Her heart clenched to see the empty chair sitting opposite her.
"Father?" Elia looked up expectantly from where she’d been sitting, poking her food absentmindedly with a golden fork. When she looked up and saw it was not her father but Rayne, the little girl's face fell and she let out a long sigh. "Miss Rayne, is my father not coming to breakfast this morning?"
Rayne's heart went out to the little girl. This is my fault, she thought grimly, knowing he had to be avoiding her and not his daughter. He shared breakfast with her every morning, arriving before Rayne so she always found them sitting together beside the fireplace. This was the first morning since her first day as governess that she hadn't found him there. The knowledge tore at her heart like a thicket of thorns and her throat constricted painfully with guilt.