She opens it, peeks at me, undoes the chain lock, and lets me in. I lock the top lock behind me and face her. Her eyes drink me in, looking over the black button-up I’ve pushed to my elbows and my jeans. She takes an unsteady breath.
“It’s not fair.”
She takes a step closer and I stroke her cheek, unable to resist touching her. She swallows. “If you guys were just assholes, just unattractive, just didn’t make mefeeleverything this would be so much easier. I never would have gotten involved. I never would have gotten tangled up with you all. I’d be normal.”
“You’re too good to be normal,” I say.
She swallows hard and hugs me. I blink down at her, surprised, then stroke through her hair, wrapping my arm around her.
“How stupid am I for still wanting all three of you? How greedy? You’ll be honest with me. Chase is already mad that I was with you and Hunter. Hunter is … himself and even now I can’t resist it. I watched you kidnap someone and kill a man and I’m still here. What’s wrong with me?”
I stoop down to sweep her up into my arms and carry her to her couch. That’s a safer place to have this conversation. I know she needs it. She shakes her head. “My best friend can’t even know. I don’t feel safe seeing her for a weekend! How twisted is that? That I know this is wrong on so many levels, but I just can untangle myself.”
I kiss her forehead softly, then pull her closer so I can cuddle her. Despite never finding this kind of closeness appealing before, I like how she melts against me, holds me, strokes me. I feel valuable and shiny when she touches me. I’m worth more than my cock and my combat skills here.
“That’s a lot of questions.”
“They keep swirling. I don’t know how you don’t have back and forth in your head.”
“It just works that way for me. I have a decision, I consider the consequences normally, and then determine if my choice is worth those consequences.” I rub her back. “Give me one of your questions – the most important one.”
“Am I stupid for wanting to be with you three?”
I consider it a moment, then think out loud for her. “It’s dangerous to be with us. It’s dangerous to care about anyone, though. Anyone at any time could get hurt, could be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Anyone could hurt you emotionally or physically.”
She nods.
“Three is a lot for one person, but there has to be a reason that you still want to be with us. More than sex.”
She rubs my chest, undoing a few buttons until she can stroke my skin. Her warmth sinks into my chest and I close my eyes a moment. She kisses my neck. “It’s not just sex.”
“Work it out by speaking.” I encourage her while trying to control my body’s constant reaction to her.
“Hunter challenges me, but he’s working so hard to respect my boundaries and show me more of who he is. And I like who he is under all the cocky asshole shit. Chase is … ugh. He’s just so caring and respectful and wants to spoil me which is new. I’ve never been spoiled. He talks to me like I’m an equal and makes me feel so heard,” She whispers.
I nod.
“And you.”
I freeze, feeling my stomach coil in preparation.
“Lief, you’re quiet but so strong. I never feel unsafe around you. I never feel like I’m in danger and the more you let me in, the more I want to know. When you let me take care of you, I feel needed and wanted, and considering you’re you it’s amazing. When I’m around you, my heart just takes off.”
She groans and rests her head against my shoulder. “I’ve never felt this way before. Each of you hits a different cord inside me and I can’t seem to catch my breath when I’m around any of you. I just want more. I’m greedy for more time, but this is so wrong.”
“Why?” I try to calm my own racing heart.
Valerie frees my hair and strokes through it, rubbing my scalp with her fingers until I push in to her hand. It’s so good. So few people are soft with me or gentle. Women I’ve been with in the past didn’t think about taking care of me. They wanted to please me, cook for me, fuck me, show me off, but never really gave me this kind of attention.
“Because you’re so dangerous. At the core, all of you are dangerous and could hurt me. So I’d be stupid to continue this. Chase and Hunter are brothers and that’s reason enough. There’s already jealousy going on. I don’t want to come between you guys or turn you on each other. Logically, this is stupid. I can’t have all three of you.”
“Who said that?”
“Society.” She laughs, “life.”
“As long as all three of us are aware, the rest is on us.” I shrug. “Jealousy is something they will get under control as long as they want you and you don’t fuel it purposefully. The danger … that is … more difficult.”
“So you don’t see a problem with this?”