Arthur barks out a laugh, a genuine, wholehearted sound. “And what about you?” he asks. “Are you happy staying as you are?”
I start to reply, but soon recognize the question as being much bigger than I first thought. Arthur’s not just referring to my name. He’s asking me to choose between the person I’ve become since my arrival at Gray Wolf versus the future self I’ve yet to discover.
I remember sitting in that jail cell back home, gazing into a future that offered little hope.
I remember how easily I surrendered my fate, first to Elodie, then Braxton, before ending with Arthur.
I remember watching my mom’s face light up at the sight of all that abundance, as my own meager existence was quickly dismantled.
The girl I was then lacked the courage to even try to shape her own destiny. She refused to listen when Mason insisted it wasn’t too late to write her own story, choosing instead to believe the lie she told herself, that she didn’t have the luxury of deciding her fate.
But according to Jago, the roads were already paved. There were numerous routes to choose from—plenty of ways she could’ve turned her life around. But she was too apathetic to put in that kind of energy, so she left it for others to make the choice for her.
The girl I once was could never have fought her way out of 1745. She lacked the courage to even attempt such a thing, much less return with the prize.
Twice I’ve found myself tossed in jail since this whole ordeal began, only the endings were so radically different, it’s ridiculous to even try to compare them.
Turns out Braxton is right—once you Trip, you can never go back to who you once were.
But the thing is, I don’t want to go back. I like this new version of me.
I’m stronger.
Smarter.
Being at Gray Wolf has sparked a flame inside me that’s incinerated my apathy and replaced it such with a burning desire to ascend and succeed that I sometimes find it frightening.
But am I happy staying as I am?
I lift my gaze to meet Arthur’s. His, dark and unknowable. Mine, prepared to be entirely open and honest, if only this once.
“No,” I say. “This is just the beginning. Though, if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stick with the name my mom gave me.”