Chapter 14
Sam
Iroll over, and reachfor my phone. Turning on the lock screen, I squint at the bright light as I check the time. Two am.
I can’t sleep, my mind is going wild with too many thoughts. I’ve been in a low grade panic attack since that talk with Axel before he left for the club.
He wants me,me. A damaged man. But he's with her, a strong woman who can take on the world and give him everything he could ever need.
She won't share him, and why should she? He was her’s first.
But I’m in love with her too, and how can I not be? She saved my life and made me a big part of hers. She could’ve dropped me off somewhere, for me to be someone else’s problem. She could’ve set me up in a place like she does the other girls she saves, but she wanted me close, and sees me as family. And fuck, if it doesn’t feel soul consumingly amazing to have someone care that much about me.
I’m used to being used as a sex object. Someone to fuck whenever my owner pleases, sold and traded like a rare baseball card. That’s all.
But she made me feel like I have worth, that I’m not something to be used and abused. She makes me feel like I’m a real person who deserves more than what I’ve been given for years.
So does he. When he looks at me, I feel safe and protected too. I feel things I never thought I’d feel towards another man. I’m bi, always have been, but after everything I’ve been through, the thought of being with anyone, man or woman triggers my PTSD. But not with them, never with them. If anything, they’re healing me in different ways. I owe them so much for that because I thought I’d forever be this broken shell of a man.
Now, I can’t stop freaking out and wondering if I’m about to lose everything.
Axel and Harlow haven’t come home yet. The others arrived back a little over an hour ago. I could hear them laughing, sounding so happy compared to how this house has been for a long time.
They’ve all hurt in some way, and I know after what happened to Harlow recently there will be something inside them that will always feel a little broken, because you can never get past the fact that the person you love was violated in the way she was. They’re truly happy, and I’m happy for them.
I wish that could be me.
“Sam?” Evie’s soft voice has me scrambling to sit up. I turn on the bed side table lamp and look at the door.
“Come in,” I call back.
The door opens, and I feel a little better at the sight of her face. She’s one of my best friends, my person. Someone I’ve told so many things to, things that I’ve never told anyone else.
Except the fact that I’m in love with her girlfriend. What kind of friend am I? Maybe what I’ve been told for years is true; I’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to be happy.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks me, taking a seat next to me on the bed.
“No.” I sigh, throwing my head back against the pillow.
“What’s on your mind?” she asks, moving to lay next to me. We both turn on our sides to face each other.What’s on my mind?Nothing I can tell her without her hating me in the end.
“A lot.”
“I can tell.” She gives me a small smile. “Does it have to do with Axel, Harlow, or both?”
My eyes widen. “What do you mean?” I ask, sounding a little more panicked than I intend to.
“We’ve all noticed that you and Axel have been distant for a few weeks now. What happened? You know you can tell me anything. I just don’t like seeing you so sad. He might not be my favorite person, but he’s family too. And so are you.”
Why did she have to say that? It’s only gonna crush me harder when they all kick me out on my ass for what I did.
“I can’t tell you,” I say, my eyes tearing up. “You're gonna hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Sam,” she tells me, moving to brush a piece of hair that’s fallen into my eyes. “I love you, you're one of my favorite people.”
“Not after you find out what I did.”
“What did you do?” Why does she have to be so caring? God, she's such an amazing person.