With Harlow, she doesn’t need me to protect her, and even if she did she wouldn’t let me. But Sam? He needs that. I want to be that for him. But I also can’t risk losing Harlow. I just got her back and in the way my heart has ached for since we were teenagers.
I know what happened to him and Harlow is similar in so many ways. But everyone handles their trauma in different ways. Harlow had Queenie, someone who was born to save her from all of it. But Sam was just Sam. Sweet, silly, shy, meek, little Sam.
“I’m sure everything will be fine.” Sam gives my brother a small smile. “I just wish I could be there tonight, to see her dance.” Sam’s face falls a little, giving me the urge to go over there and hug him.
“With time, I’m sure you’ll be able to.” Cass gives him a reassuring smile that brightens Sam’s face back up. I wanna thank Cass for that, for trying to make him feel better. “Maybe on one of their slower nights. It’s her first night back in weeks, it’s gonna be nuts.” Cass chuckles.
“Come on!” Neo says, sticking his head through the doorway. “Get those tight asses moving. I’ll stab anyone who makes me miss My Queen on stage,” he whines and Dean rolls his eyes, cracking a smile.
“I’ll meet you both in the car,” Dean says and heads over to Neo. “Come on you big baby, we’re going.”
“It would be faster if I walked at this point,” Neo mutters as they both head outside.
Cass goes over a few things with Sam like he always does before leaving Rosie, then looks to me. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” I say, looking over at Sam. “I’ll be out in a second.”
Cass nods. “Don’t take too long, or Neo will just leave your ass here,” he calls out, while heading towards the front door.
I watch my brother leave before turning to Sam. “You gonna be okay?” I ask, taking a step closer to him. He sees the movement and takes a step back.
“I’ll be fine,” he says, his voice low.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I rub my hands down my face and look back over to his icy blue eyes. “You can’t avoid me forever, Sam.”
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“Really?” I ask, raising a brow. “You don’t talk to me anymore, you can hardly look at me. I-I-I miss you,” I tell him, a tinge of pain lacing my words. “I miss what we had. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to lose you.”
The look of pain on his face breaks my heart. “I kissed you,” he whispered. “You didn’t want that, but I did it anyway. It was wrong.”
“I did want it,” I say, growling slightly. His eyes widen, but he shakes his head.
“No. No, you’re with Harlow. I can’t do that to her.”
“Because you love her.” It’s not a question. I know that longing look in his eyes as he watches her do... well, anything.
“W-what?” he splutters. “No, I don’t. I mean... Yes, I love her, she means the world to me. She saved me, Axel. There’s nothing in this world I could do to ever repay her for that. And what do I do? Kiss her boyfriend. I made you cheat on her.” His voice cracks. I know nothing I say will convince him otherwise.
I’m gonna have to do something that very well might get my dick chopped off. But I can’t lie to Harlow. It’s been a few weeks since she’s been back, a little longer since the kiss. I have to tell her. And then she can tell Sam everything is okay. If it was some random person who kissed me or one of the others, I’m pretty sure they’d be dead, or at the very least, badly beaten. But with Sam, I’m pretty sure he could do just about anything and she’d forgive him. I know I would.
“You didn’t make me cheat. It just... happened. I know she will be understanding about it.”
His eyes flash with fear. “You’re going to tell her aren’t you?”
“Yes. I have to. I can’t lie to her.”
His eyes cast down to the floor in shame, and he nods his head.Fuck.I wanna lift his face, have him look me in the eyes as I tell him he has nothing to be ashamed about. “I’m telling her I kissed you.”
His eyes snap up to mine. “What? No. No,Ikissedyou.”
“And I liked it,” I tell him, looking him dead in the eye. “I will not let you think for one more fucking moment that you forced me to do anything. Sam, that’s not you. If I didn’t want it, I would’ve stopped it, but I didn’t.” I take a step closer, and this time he doesn’t move away. His pupils are wide, but not in fear. No, with something else that has my cock twitching with approval. “I’m not going to tell her because I regret it. I’m telling her because I don’t want to lie to my girlfriend. But I’m also telling her because I have hope that she will understand my feelings for you and not kill me for it. She loves you, Sam, in what way I’m not entirely sure at this moment, but I know she would want the world for you. If I’m someone you want, maybe she’ll allow this. Allow us.”
“Axel,” he breathes, his eyes filled with longing and pain. “We can’t. You're with her.”
“And she’s with four guys and a woman. If she can love so many people, why can't I love one more?”
His lips part, and I wanna lean over to take the lower one into my mouth, sucking it gently. “You love me?” he asks in disbelief.