“Is everything okay?” I ask her when the dad walks away looking helpless.
Marie turns to me with a broken look on her face. “She got scared. She doesn't do well around men. It’s why they placed her with us because it’s just me and my wife.”
“Placed her?” I ask, brows pinching in confusion.
“Rachel isn’t biologically mine. We got her as a foster child almost two years ago. Her last home...,” she looks away, a face of pure anguish taking over before she looks back at me. “Her last home, the foster father... he did bad things to her.” A tear slips from her eye, and my stomach drops. “He’s in jail now, where he belongs, thankfully. But he left his damage. When my wife and I decided to start fostering, we found her right away. They placed her with us because of her fear of men, but it was like fate picked us. We’re adopting her next month. We love that little girl with our whole hearts, and it kills us that she had to already endure such pain at such a young age.”
She goes on, but I don’t hear much. The blood pounds in my ears. I feel numb for the next half hour until the party's over.
The car ride home is quiet as I get lost in my own mind.
Everything I worked so hard to shove down, to hide, is all coming to the surface. I’m not ready and never will be, to face my past.
WHEN WE CAME BACK FROMthe party, I went to my room and I haven’t been out since. At least not while anyone else is awake.
Days have gone by, but I don’t want to be around anyone right now. My mind is always running, always thinking, trying to make me relive, to feel. I don’t want to, it’s too much. But Queenie won’t come out no matter how much I beg her to. I feel like a weak person every time I ask, but I’m not used to dealing with this. It’s pain she’s never really allowed me to feel.
After Queenie became a part of me, all the horrible things in my past were put into a little box, never to be thought of again.
But seeing Rachel, sweet little Rachel, look so terrified and hearing what happened to her, it set something off in my mind.
Have you ever seen one of those movies where they show a series of events at a rapid pace?
That’s been my mind since I got home from the party. Over and over again, it all runs through my head and it won't stop. So much so that I’ve gone numb.
If I see one of the guys or Evie, they’re going to ask what’s wrong, and I don’t know what I’ll do, how badly I’ll break.
“Harlow?” Cass asks, rapping lightly on the door.
I don’t answer, just stay curled up in my blanket as I stare out the window, watching the birds eat from the feeder.
“I’m coming in,” he says, and I hear the door handle jiggle. A moment later the door opens and he steps in.I’m going to need better locks, I see.
He says nothing, but I can hear his footsteps as he walks over to me, then the bed dips as he takes a seat.
“I know you don’t like to talk about things that go on inside your head. But baby, you have us all worried. We don’t know what happened to make you like this. You’ve shut us all out. And it hurts. It hurts to see the woman you love with your whole being, in pain, and know that you can’t help her. That she won’tletyou help her.
“We can’t force you to talk, but I hope that you know you can. We are here for you, Harlow. No matter how strong you might be, it’s okay to break sometimes because you're only human. And we are going to be here to put you back together.
“We will never leave you, never. Even if that means watching the woman we love turn into a shell of the person she once was. Just know, it’s gonna break us to see you like that. Rosie is worried about her mama. She’s been crying because all she wants to do is come in here and hug you, make you feel better.
“Shut us out all you want, but please don’t do it to her. You’re that little girl's hero and if she thinks for a moment you don't want her anymore, it will destroy her.”
I don’t answer him as a tear rolls down my cheek. I blink it away, wanting to rub my chest at the throbbing pain his words caused. I never want my baby girl to question my love for her. The one thing I’ve always wanted her to know is that I would burn the world down for her.
“We’ll give you all the time you need. We don’t care how much it hurts us. But just remember what you're doing to her. I love you, Harlow, and I will take anything you throw at me. But I won’t allow my baby girl to be hurt in any way, and that includes by you.” He touches my hip before getting up and leaving the room.
I lay there in silence, his words having more of an effect on me than I wish they would. He’s right though. This isn’t me; I don’t run, I don’t hide. I am not a fucking coward.
But words are only words, actions are what counts. So I guess I’m about to see if what he says is true. Will they put my broken pieces back together in the end?
Cassius
“IS SHE OKAY?” SAM ASKSas I walk into the living room where everyone is sitting, talking about what we should do about Harlow.
“I don’t know,” I sigh, taking a seat on the couch. We just got her back, a part of the woman the guys and I fell hard for when we were just boys. I can’t lose her again. I don't think my heart could handle it.
“Do you think she would get mad if I went to see her too?” Dean asks. We’re not used to Harlow acting like this. Even when she got back from the nightmare with Triver, she still did her damnedest to put on a happy face.