“So, I think it's about time you know everything. This isn't easy for me to talk about and I spent most of my life trying to forget or control the memories, but if we are going to move forward in this relationship, I think you need to know everything.” I can’t remember the last time I felt this nervous about something.
“I’m glad you finally feel comfortable enough to tell me. I’ve been waiting for you to realize when the right time was. I hope you don't think I’ve kept my distance, mostly sexually, because I didn’t want you. Because I do, Dean. I care for you just like I do the others. But I do agree, I need to know everything before we can take the next step.”
“Where to start...” I sigh. “Well, as you know, the guys and I grew up with some pretty fucked-up fathers. But mine, mine was the worst. When we met you, we vowed to never let you see that side of the evil we had to endure. That's why you never met them, and why we never brought you over while they were home. I loved it when they would spend months at a time overseas for business. There was no love lost or longing for them to ever return.
"The others, their fathers are bad men who kill, steal, and are just all around nasty people. But my dad is one of the most sexually twisted men alive. When I was thirteen, he felt like it was time for me to become a man.”
My stomach drops as I relive this part of my past, a part of me I so desperately tried to forget about.
“You’ve got this,” Harlow whispers, taking me hand in hers. My eyes prick at how kind she can be with the people she cares about. She's not a monster.Even if there is a dead body ten feet from us.
Taking a deep breath, I continue, because what I went through was nothing like what she had to endure. “He had girls kidnapped and sold to him. He raped them, in our house. He kept them in the basement and he did that for years before he started spending most of his time overseas. On my thirteenth birthday, he took one of those girls and gave her to me‘as a present.’ He told me that in order to become a man, I needed to lose my virginity. He held a gun to my head while telling me to fuck her. I was so scared and confused. That woman, I’ll never forget the look of understanding on her face. She knew I was just a child and she didn't want me to get hurt.
“I had no choice, because if I didn’t do it, he would kill her, then beat me within an inch of my life. So I tried, but I couldn't even get it up. I was a fucking child for fuck’s sake, just learning about how my body worked. I cried the whole time, and when my father saw I couldn't do it, he beat the shit out of me while calling me a useless piece of shit. Told me I wasn't a real man and that I was a disgrace to the family. He called me a fag and said I must like men if I couldn’t even get it up for a woman that hot.
"Then after he was done with me, he shot her. It was all for nothing because the end result was the same. After that, I started to become more reserved. As the years went on, my father would make me do it every year on my birthday until I was able to get it up and keep it up. I was numb and dead inside. I tried not to think about the women I was raping because what my father was doing was so much worse than me." Looking away from her, I let out a shaky breath, my pulse going wild at my confessions.
I never told anyone about that, not even the guys. That thirteen-year-old little boy was finally able to tell his story, and now I have tears running down my face. I wipe away at them angrily for feeling like a pussy when the woman I loved was on the receiving end of the monsters in this world too.
She says nothing as she crawls into my lap, drawing my attention back to her beautiful face. I don't care about the blood. I just want her near, the warmth of her body calms my soul.
There’s no pity on her face, but a sense of understanding passes through us. Leaning over, she threads her fingers through my hair as she licks my tears away, and of all the times my cock feels the need to stir, now couldn’t seem more perfect. My hands find her thighs, needing to touch her, to feel her skin against mine.
“When you came into town, you were this ray of sunshine, the light I needed to carry on. Harlow, I hate to admit this, but I had a plan. The day you showed up at school, I had plans to go home, grab the gun I had hidden under my pillow and shoot myself in the head.”
Her eyes widen at that, and I can tell she wants to say something but she keeps quiet.
“You saved me, because the moment I saw you and your raven black hair, I just had to know everything about you. I had to see what made you tick, to hear your story. And I couldn't do that if I was dead, now could I?” I try to joke.
“The closer we all got, the better my life became. Spending all my free time with you, and never seeing my father, was heaven. But we found out a few days before graduation that our fathers were planning on coming back here full-time. Then my dad found out about you. He had taken my phone and seen photos of all of us. He knew we were hiding you, and that just made it a challenge for him. He told me that you were going to be his now. That I had to bring you home, so he could fuck you in front of me and show me that everything I have is because of him. If I wanted to be selfish and not share, then he would simply take you from me.”
My grip on her thighs tightens as my emotions ping around inside me uncontrollably.
“I couldn't do that. There was no way I would have let him get his hands on you. I loved you too much. But I didn't know what to do, and I panicked. I know the plan was that we were going to live together and all go to college. The problem was that even if we all moved out into our own place, you would have still been in the same city as him. The only thing I could think of was to make you think we hated you; that we didn't want you anymore, so you would leave and get far away from this place. I didn't stop to think how you would feel about the sudden change, how Cass would feel about losing his girlfriend, or how the others would feel about losing the love of their lives. Because the only one who didn't know about us loving you,was you.Even if they didn't want to admit it.”
I cup her face. “I’m sorry,” I say, trying to hold back tears. “I was trying to save you from a monster, only to deliver you straight into the hands of hundreds of others. This is why I need control. It's why I'm so closed off. Like you, I need to control what I do with my body and how I do it. But with you, that need lessens a little, and I can't thank you enough for the peace that little bit of relief gives me.”
She cups my face back, her soft thumb rubbing against my cheekbone. “I love you, Dean, both then and now.” I choke out a sob at her words. “I forgive you,” she whispers, and just like that, I break. She holds me as I cry. I cry for the child I never got to be, for all the fucked-up, sick, twisted things I was forced to do, and I cry at the fact that I was the one who made her endure years of hell. And she just holds me through it, not judging me, not pitying me, just simply being there for me.