Wait... what? When?When the fuck did he tell me he loved me?Because I sure as hell would have remembered that.
“What the fuck are you talking about? When the hell did I ever reject you?” I ask him, brows pinching, mind whirling with thoughts.
“A few months after you started dating Cass. We went for a ride on my bike and I took you to the Santa Monica pier. We spent the whole day together, just us and it was thebestfucking day of my life. Then we sat in the sand and watched the sunset. I told you I loved you, and you said you loved me too... as a friend,” he scoffs, like talking about that memory was pathetic.
I look away, my brain trying to process everything, to pinpoint these words. I remember the date clear as day, how can I not? It was one of the best days of my life too. I remember sitting with him, us mindlessly playing in the sand as we buried our feet in it. Me grinning up at him with a smile so bright that my face hurt, and laughing so hard I got a belly cramp.
Then he looked at me with a shy smile and told me he loved me.
Fuck.I stop pacing, not realizing that I was even doing it, and turn to look at him. He's watching me intensely, following my every move like a hunter watching his prey.
“You told me you loved me,” I whisper.
“And you turned me down and broke my heart,” he growls.
“No. No, I mean yes I did, but Axel, you need to understand, I didn’t know that’s what you meant.”
“What?” he asks, his brows pinching. “I said the words,I love you.”
“I know. But... fuck.” I sigh, running my hands through my hair. “You, your brother, and the others. You took me by surprise. Made me feel things I never knew were possible. You made the broken, damaged pieces inside me a little less messy. I fell in love with you, all of you, very easily.Toofucking easily. And that scared me. I kept it to myself, thinking never in a million years that any of you would feel the same way. You were hot, rich, and could have any girl you wanted. So, why would you want the girl whose earliest memory is being raped by a grown-ass, adult man? A man who was supposed to protect me. That's all I knew until I met you guys.
“I didn't know how to love. Hell, I’m still learning now! So when your brother flat out told me he wanted me, that he was attracted to me in every way, and asked me to be his girlfriend, I jumped at the chance. The little girl in me needed him, needed all of you. But he was the only one to ever tell me he wanted me back.
“So when you told me you loved me, Axel, I thought you meant like a sister or a friend. When you didn't say anything else, didn’t elaborate your feelings like Cass did, that's what I automatically assumed. Think about it, we told each other that all the time. I didn't know that time was different, that it meant something more. I was so fucked-up in the head that I would tell myself all the time that what Cass felt for me was a lie, so why would I think anyone else felt that way too?”
His face pales by the end of my speech. His eyes filled with pure regret and shame as his shoulders slump. “Fuck,” he groans.
“Axel.” His eyes snap up to mine. “I loved you back then, you need to know that. I panicked and added on the ‘friend’ part because I couldn’t risk saying the wrong thing and fucking everything up. But I guess I did that anyways.”
“You loved me?” he asks, not really sounding convinced. “You didn't think Cass was better than me? That I was the lesser twin?”
“No, I didn't think of you that way at all.” I shake my head, giving him a sad smile. “I loved you just as much as him, same with Dean and Neo. Over time, I realized I loved you all in different ways, but my soul always wanted each of you with the same amount of intensity; with every inch of my being.”
“And now you hate me because I’m a fucking stubborn dumbass who couldn’t let something that happened when we were teenagers go,” he growls, slamming his fists on the table. “This is all so fucked-up.”
“Tell me about it,” I say, letting out a nervous laugh.Fuck.I feel like that teenage girl all over again. "But I don'thateyou. I mean, you're just not my favorite person at the moment."
“What about love?” he asks, and I suck in a little gasp at the raw emotion emanating from his eyes, his voice, his whole body. I have to be careful with this. If I say the wrong thing, he will shut down on me forever. He has some shit to make up for, and I will make sure he pays for it in full, preferably with hot-monkey sex. But right now, I need to swallow my pride.
Taking a deep breath, I look him in the eye and say, “I love you now like I loved you then.”
Something in him snaps, and for a second I don't know if it's for the better or worse. He moves around the table and charges towards me, and my fight or kill instincts make me instantly want to nut punch him.
With a sexy as hell snarl, he grabs a fistful of my hair and smashes his mouth to mine, kissing me with pure hunger like before, but this time it’s deeper, with more feeling as he picks me up my ass and sits me on the pool table. Our hearts are out there in the open for each other to see.
Moaning into his lips, I allow him to punish my mouth with his tongue. We devour each other before I catch his bottom lip in my mouth, biting down hard until I can taste blood.
“Fuck!” he hisses, pulling back from the kiss. My lips are swollen and covered in his blood. I lick it off, enjoying the coppery taste. “What the fuck was that for?”
“You deserve it.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Just because I told you I loved you, and that I want you like I do the others, doesn’t mean I forgive and forget all the bullshit you've pulled since coming back into my life. But more importantly, since I got back from my trip,” I say, hopping up onto the pool table. Crossing my arms pushes my tits up, and it draws his attention.
“I know how I treated you was fucked-up,” he says through gritted teeth, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “And I’m sorry for that, but do you have to be a bitch right now?”
Alright, so it's gonna take some time for the asshole in him to die,cool.Getting pissed at his choice in words, I prove him right, and bring my foot up, kicking him right in the nuts. His eyes go wide before his hands cover his dick, and he bends over with a pained groan.
“I deserved that,” he huffs out.
“Ya think?” I sass back, cocking a brow.