Chapter 32
Harlow
Ifind him just sittingthere on one of the lawn chairs. We had the whole roof renovated. A nice seating area, a barbecue, and couches.
He's leaning over with his elbows on his legs, head in his hands.
At first, I think he's just relaxing, but when I get closer, I see a slight shake of his shoulders. He’s... crying.
“Hey,” I say softly. “You okay?”
His head snaps up to me, and I can see his eyes are red, tears staining his cheeks.
“Oh, hey,” he forces out a laugh, wiping his face. “I'm fine,” he says, his voice cracking a little.
“You don't look fine,” I say with caution as I take a seat beside him.
“Alright, I'm not fine,” he sighs.
“Want to talk about it?” I ask.
He looks at me with wide eyes, shocked. It's almost comical. “YOU want to talk to ME about my feelings?” he asks.
“What?!” I huff. “Ican be a good listener when I want to. Who do you think all the girls come to with their problems?” I give him a cocky smirk.
“I guess that’s true,” he nods his head. Closing his eyes, he sighs. “It's a lot, Har. A whole fucking lot. And if I start talking, I don’t think I'm gonna be able to stop. I’ve been holding a shit ton in for a very long time. And it's not just about Rosie.” He looks at me, and his green eyes are swimming with the emotions of everything he’s ever wanted to say to me, and a part of me is dying to hear it all; the other part is terrified.
Pulling on my big girl panties, I go for it. “I want to hear it. All of it.”
He looks at me like he's trying to memorize every inch of my face. Like I'm going to disappear again after he tells me.
He looks away from me, staring out at the city far off in the distance. “I went to the therapist again the other day. I thought I would give it another try.”
“How did it go?”
“Better than last time. But no matter what she tells me, I will always blame myself.”
“You couldn't have known, Cass. The whole situation is fucked up. It’s not something you can easily tell when it comes to a child so young.” I, myself, didn't know how fucked up and wrong everything I went through was, until I heard an older girl crying about it one day. Talking about how fucked up and wrong what happened to us in that place was. Her parents just died, and she was forced into the system. She had a normal life, until she got to the group home.
“I'm her father, Harlow. I should have been able to protect her. I'm supposed to be the one who keeps the monsters away, but I did nothing!” he growls, growing angrier by the minute. I'm not gonna tell him it's not his fault anymore. Clearly, that's not what he needs. He needs to vent, so that's what I'll do. Let him vent, while I just listen.
“She was with that man for two years. Two fucking YEARS of my child’s life. How long was it going on? Was he doing all of that to a fucking two-year-old?! Fuck!” He punches the side of the building, breathing heavily as he closes his eyes, trying to get himself under control. His eyes open, searching for me. They soften as they fill with love and gratitude. “You,” he breathes.
“Me?” I ask, pointing to myself like an idiot. “What did I do?”
He starts to laugh. I think he's lost it. “What did you do? Harlow, you did everything. Everything I couldn't. Because of your past, you were able to see the signs we couldn't. You saw a little girl in pain, afraid, and helpless, while we thought she just hated her mom. You saw the deeper meaning behind her cries. If you didn't come back into our lives, Harlow...” He sits back down next to me. “Something so much more horrendous would have happened. If he’d ended up raping her, god, I don't knowwhatI would have done.” He looks so broken as tears start to fall down his cheeks again. My heart breaks right along-side his. I love that little girl just as much as he does, and the idea of her having to go through that makes me sick to my fucking stomach.
“Thank you,” he chokes out. “Thank you so fucking much.” He cups my face, rubbing his thumbs against my cheeks as he looks at me like I’m his whole fucking world.
I let him, conflicted with what my heart and mind are telling me. My mind is telling me to back away, to shut down, but my heart is telling me to kiss him, to consume him in every way possible, and more.
“You're exactly what we didn't know we needed in our lives. You saved that little girl and, in return, became the best damn mother any kid could ever have. I don't care what you do in the basement of this building; I don't care that you have something with Neo. I don’t fucking care about any of that.” He closes his eyes and exhales before looking back at me with a look of determination in his eyes. “I need to tell you, Harlow. It's been eating at me for a while now.”
Fuck. Here it is. Something I never wanted him to say to me again. Something that I know, at this point in my life, will break the dam built around my heart and send it flooding, destroying so much in its path. But I won't stop him. I don't look away. I don’t say a word. I don’t even fucking breathe.
“I love you, Harlow. So much that it hurts. I fell madly in love with you the moment I saw you when we were teenagers, and I never looked back. When you left, it destroyed me. I lost pieces of myself I never thought I'd get back. Parts of me were put back together when Rosie came into my life, but there was always something missing.
“When you took my little girl and made her your own, not once caring that she wasn't your blood. When you killed to protect her, like I would’ve, that's when the last few pieces clicked back into place. No, you’re not the same Harlow you were back then, the one I fell in love with. But you are something better now. You're strong, beautiful, fierce. You were dealt a fucked-up hand your whole life, but you never let it break you. You are the perfect woman to raise my little girl. OUR little girl. And you’re the perfect woman to spend the rest of my life with. I love you, Harlow McKaven. And I’mneverletting you go,” he growls, right before he smashes his lips against mine.