“Lizzie,” he said uncertainly. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“The other night when I came to your room, you thought I...” I broke off, and he gave me an impatient look.
“I was half-asleep, sweetheart—still dreaming a little too. And that has nothing to do with what happened today—”
“It has nothing to do with what happened withHenry,” I conceded. “But it has everything to do with my reaction to it. I panicked today, and my first reaction was to sacrifice myself.”
“That’s because you’re bighearted—”
“I’m not noble, Calvin!” I exclaimed. “I’mmiserable.” He sucked in a sharp breath, and I closed my eyes, momentarily unable to face the pain in his expression. But I had to be brave, and I had to be strong. For both our sakes. I forced my eyes open and I said quietly, “I’m unhappy, Cal. And I think you might be unhappy too. I wish things between us could be different, but they aren’t, and they won’t ever be. It’s not fair or healthy for us to live like this.”
“But we have a good life together, don’t we?” he whispered brokenly.
I drew in a deep breath, and for the first time in fifteen years, I told the truth.
“This is a good life,” I said slowly. “But it’s notmylife, and that’s what I need to find my way back to.”