Normally, this would be the moment when I’d reach into my purse and take out my phone, checking my messages until she returned. I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t even have the smallest desire to peek at the screen.
The library had become my happy place. Once inside, I wouldn’t feel guilty for not spending these hours with my kids. I would come in here and shut it all off, escaping, avoiding the reality of what was happening outside those double doors. I wouldn’t tell anyone about my time here—not my husband, kids, or my friends.
The time I spent here was just for me.
So, rather than go for my phone, I unraveled my arms and rested them on the armrest, pushing myself back into the seat. As I glanced around, I took in the smell of books and watched the students move throughout the room and listened to the conversations that were happening around me. Knowing the direction she had gone in, I continued to look toward it, waiting for her to round the corner. When she did, she was holding a large brown hardback. She gave it to me before she returned to her seat.
It was so old, I could barely read the title, eventually figuring out it said Tumbling Down. The fragrance was intense as though the entire smell of the library had been marinating on the pages for years.
“What is it?” I asked when I finally glanced up.
“A little gem I found when I first started working here. Not a single person has checked it out in all that time.”
I opened the front cover and felt the grittiness of the aged paper. “If I enjoy it, I’ll let my girlfriends know and they’ll come here and check it out. It will become your most requested title.”
She held out her hand. “Give it back for a sec.” When the book was in her grasp, she told me she would be just a minute and she disappeared behind one of the stacks. I had no idea what she was up to or where she had gone, but when she returned, she placed the book in my lap and said, “Keep it. It’s yours.”
I glanced down, staring at the heaviness of it, and then back up at her. “I can’t do that.”
“I promise it won’t be missed.”
“You’re sure?”
“Please, Jesse, take it. It would mean everything to me to know you and your friends are enjoying this book rather than it just sit here and get no love.”
I wanted to finish the one with the gorgeous teal cover first, and then I would start the brown hardcover. It wouldn’t take more than four days to complete both.
“The next time I see you, I want a full report,” she said.
“Deal.”
I even knew who I’d lend the book to next. Alicia was always sending out texts, asking for reading recommendations. If this was as good as I hoped, then I’d have the first reader already lined up.
She was still standing, but had taken a few steps back from me. “How’s your dad doing?”
I sighed, shaking my head, blown away that she’d been considerate enough to ask. Or that she even remembered, given how many people she probably spoke to every day.
“He still has okay days. Not great, but enough.” She didn’t need to say a word. I saw the sympathy in her eyes and that was without her even knowing what was wrong with my father. “Thank you for asking,” I added.
“I’ll see you soon, Jesse.”
Once she was gone, I slipped Bay’s book into my bag and opened up the teal one again, flipping to the first page. The second I fell back into the words, I was lost.