I smiled weakly. “Hey.”
“Not feeling good today?” she asked.
“Oh, you know, getting settled…” I trailed off.
Winona had been sensitive regarding my situation, and I appreciated it. She was surprisingly open-minded about me having been in a relationship with three men— the opposite of our parents’ reaction, thankfully. But she was still my sister, and she could tell when something was wrong.
She had mentioned more than once that I seemed awfully down since coming to L.A. So she kept at me, always encouraging me to cheer up and hang out with her and the kids. The little ones kept me busy when I wasn’t unpacking or chasing leads for new stories. One of them even stole my cell phone for about an hour, the little rascal.
Good thing it would be a few years until my own child could pull a stunt like that.
Now, as I sat in the hot California sun, that exact same child did a cannonball and splashed water all over his mom and me.
Winona howled. I chuckled softly, then sighed.
That’s all it took for Winona to pick up on my mood, and as ever, she wanted to fix it.
“Julia, you’ve been here a week,” Winona said while reaching for some frozen grapes. “Give it time.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “It’s just… I wish things were different.”
I couldn’t help but feel regret. Ever since the funeral, I had been haunted by the way I left things with Dylan, Cash, and Red. But I had been so busy rearranging my life in the wake of all the upheaval after Las Vegas, plus trying to build a fledgling freelance career in journalism. It was only now that the truth about my life was starting to sink in: I just wasn’t happy.
“You know, sis, you can talk to me,” Winona said, elbowing me gently. “I’m always here for you.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m glad I have you. I just…” It was hard to put into words. I had avoided saying much, not wanting to burden anyone else with my troubles, but maybe Winona was right. I needed to confide in someone, and she was my sister, after all. “I see you with the kids and wish I could make that kind of life for us,” I explained, moving a hand to my belly.
Watching Winona and her family, so close and content together, my heart broke all over again. I wanted that for myself. For my baby. For all of us. But I didn’t see how it could ever work out.
“Why can’t you have this life? What’s stopping you?”
“Three men, Winona. That’s what’s stopping me. It’s too complicated, too unorthodox. It will never work.” Hot tears gathered at the corners of my eyes.
Winona sat up on the edge of her lounger. “So what?” she asked, getting animated. “Really, what’s keeping you from being together as a family? If you love them—”
“Ido.”
“—and they love you? That’s all that matters in the end.”
She was right. I knew it deep in my heart— Ilovedthem.
But I couldn’t see a way forward.
“It’s over,” I said, rubbing my eyes, voice shaky. “I’ve ruined it. They can’t forgive me. It’s too late now.”
Winona reached over and gave me a hug. “It’s never too late, sis.” With my sister’s arms around me, the tears overflowed. I began crying by the pool, my nieces and nephews still screaming and splashing, entirely in their own world. She held me as I wept, and gave me another tight squeeze as I finally regained my composure. “Listen. You have a sweet little baby on the way, you’re starting a kickass new chapter in your career; you have a lot going for you. And you still have to let yourself enjoy life. Tomorrow night is the Fourth of July concert at the park. We’re going to have a great time. Let’s just focus on that, okay? Everything will work itself out.”
I nodded, sniffling. “Okay.”
I was lucky to have a sister who cared for me so much.
I only wished that I could believe her.