The problem was, when I figured that was my future, I also figured that I wouldn’t be in contact with Louana again, that her life would take her somewhere else, or that our paths just simply wouldn’t cross often enough for it to be a problem.
Then she barged her way back into my life. Into my days and my nights.
And it seemed to wipe away any thoughts that I had about being able to move on, to be with someone else.
I hadn’t even been able toseeanother woman since Lulu joined the club.
Which only made the infatuation with her worse.
Then touching her again? Being inside her again? Hearing her cry out my name against my palm as she came?
Fuck.
There was no moving on.
Even if, when I got back to the clubhouse, her shit was packed up and she was gone. I couldn’t imagine trying to find a future with anyone else.
The thought of her not being there, though, with her hard-ass attitude that hid all her soft and sweet, with her smart mouth and her confidence, with her eclectic movie choices, and her surly mood when injury or illness put her down? Yeah, that shit was unfathomable.
The darkness that overtook me made me need to push all those thoughts away and, instead, cling to the good shit, the moments here or there when she let her guard down with me, when she gave me a genuine smile, or laughed at something I said. The way her eyes would go dreamy when she was reminded of something from our past together. Or even just the way her skin would be a little rosy after her shower. Or the way it would be the same color when she was turned on for me.
Those were the kinds of thoughts I needed to have on my mind as I pulled down the side street that would lead me toward the people who’d been the dark cloud over my life for years.
Happy thoughts.
Things that made me really fucking want to make my way back home.
“Fucking finally,” a familiar voice said, making my stomach tighten and my spine straighten.
God, I hated that voice. And the fucker who it belonged to. And the fact that I’d ever gotten myself wrapped up with him and his crew.
See, once upon a time, I’d been young and fucking stupid. On my own for the first time. Running low on cash. And with way too much pride to call home to my parents and ask them to loan me some.
Odd jobs had been keeping my head above water. A little construction here. A little yard work there. Anything I could do that paid by the job instead of an hourly rate that would be given to me a week or two later.
I needed the money right then. I was surviving on ninety-nine cent snacks and random shit I managed to forage in the woods that I was calling home since hotel and motel money was long gone already.
It was at that low point that they stumbled upon me.
Or, rather, I’d stumbled upon them.
You see, the woods weren’t quiet at night, despite what all the books and shows and movies like to tell you.
On the contrary, really, the woods were alive at night. The wind rushing through the leaves. The crunch of twigs and dried foliage on the ground from small animals. The hoots of owls. The calls of other beasts.
It wasn’t quiet.
But it was predictable.
So when you heard something that didn’t belong, it could wake you from a dead fucking sleep.
Which was what happened that night.
I’d knifed up in my tent, heart hammering in my chest, thinking for a moment that I’d just been having some sort of nightmare.
Until I heard it again.
Screaming.