I rattled off the date to Dr. Williams as I handed him back the calendar. He set it aside. “Alright. According to your last menstrual cycle, you are seven weeks and five days pregnant,” he told her. “Do you have bad morning sickness?”
She looked at me again. I gently squeezed her hand. “She’s more nauseated than anything else,” I explained. “Sometimes, she’s sick enough to throw up – like yesterday – but for the most part, she’s just extremely nauseated. We’ve been using ginger ale and saltine crackers to help.”
“And do they help?” he asked.
This time, Juliana nodded at him. He smiled at her. I leaned down and pressed my lips to the shell of her ear. “Good girl,” I praised.
Her cheeks warmed.
“Good. Then keep doing that.” He grabbed a hospital gown and handed it to her. She took it from him, her eyebrows creasing in confusion. “I want you to change into that. I need to check your cervix, do some pap smears, and then we’ll listen to the heartbeat. Sound good?”
She nodded. He smiled at her and left the room. I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re doing so good, baby girl,” I praised her. “I’m extremely proud of you. Come on.” I held my hand out for the gown. She handed it to me. “I’ll help you get dressed, okay?”
She nodded. I helped her down from the cot and stripped her out of her clothes before putting the gown on her. “I’m nervous,” she told me as I placed her back on the cot. “I don’t – I’m not ready to be a mom, Darren,” she whispered.
I brought her hands up to my lips, pressing light kisses to her knuckles. “Do you want to abort?” I asked her. It would gut me, but I would deal, and I would cope. What I would never do is force this woman to carry a baby she didn’t want.
She shook her head immediately. “No!” she blurted vehemently. She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. I gently squeezed her hands, remaining silent and patient with her. “I’m sorry. I just – it terrifies me to take care of a baby, and it terrifies me even more to have to share your attention with someone else,” she admitted.
“Oh, baby,” I whispered. I cupped her face in my hands, leaning down to brush my nose with hers. “I will never love you any less,” I promised her. “You will still be the center of my entire fucking universe, and I will always reinforce my bond with you,” I swore. “You won’t ever have reason to doubt my love for you and my commitment to you, baby.” I reached down and played with the diamond collar on her ankle. “I put this on you. This symbolizes what?” I asked her.
Her lips trembled as her pretty eyes welled with tears. “That I belong to you forever.”
“Good girl,” I praised. “Don’t ever lose sight of that, you hear me? You’ll always be my baby girl. Not a goddamn thing will ever change that.”
She sniffled. “Okay.” She drew in a deep breath. “Just please bear with me while I come to terms with all of this.”
“Always, baby,” I promised her. With that, I gently kissed her. Then, I grabbed her hand and pressed it over my heart. “This –” I pressed her hand firmer against my chest, “this heart beats for you – only for you, you hear me?”
She nodded. I kissed her again before Dr. Williams knocked on the door. I gave her a small, encouraging smile before calling out for him to come in.