Jem ignores me. “Liv.” He shakes his head. “My Mum. I can’t separate you—you’re like both of them together. It’s like I’m pulled back in time. The demons controlling you are the ones that torture me too.”
I straighten, unsure what to think and why he’s chosen to say something so strange out of the blue. “Do you speak to your counsellor about all this?”
He tips his head. “Do you mean shut up and talk to your counsellor?”
“No. It’s just…”
“No stress, Ruby. You’re right. I’ll talk to my counsellor.” Jem puts a hand on the door, ready to go back inside.
“No. Talk to me.”
He smiles weakly and I realise I’ve killed his attempt to open up. “No. You don’t want to hear.”
“I’ll tell you about Dan,” I blurt. “About why. You asked once. Jax knows, doesn’t matter if you do too.”
Jem pulls on his bottom lip. “I don’t know.”
“You mean shut up and talk to your counsellor?” I mimic.
“No. If you want to talk to someone, I’ll listen.”
“That’s not what I mean. Forget about it.”
Jem walks over, sits in the chair next to me, and reaches out. That’s exactly what he’s doing - reaching out. But why? “I know that’s not what you mean. I’m making excuses for myself because if I know more about you, you’re harder to keep away from.”
When Jem takes my hand, I don’t want to let go, and squeeze his as I force back the tears in my eyes. “You mean if I let you know about Tuesday?”
“Such a weird name,” says Jem.
“Such a weird girl.”
“Weirder than Ruby?”
“She suits Jem more than Tuesday.”
He frowns. “What?”
“Rubies – they’re gems.”
“Is she?” His mouth tips at the corner.
“Ha ha.” I pull my hand away, fighting the urge to light up another cigarette. “Dan was my brother’s best friend.”
“Was?”
“My brother died three years ago.”
Jem’s mouth parts. “Oh, shit. Sorry to hear that.”
If I close my eyes, I don’t need to be here. I could stay in the calm quiet, amongst the rose scent of the garden and not engage. But I have to. I want Jem to know me, and if he rejects me, he’s rejecting who I really am.