25
Jem
I’m bloody furious.Wall-smacking furious. I rub my sore palm from where I’ve hit the exposed bricks in the small hallway between studio rooms. I’m lying to myself. Lying that my anger is the effect the Dan situation has on Ruby’s performance and not because the effect on her worries me.
Ruby’s haunted again. The girl hidden behind the mask slipped out when I talked to her at lunch. I cornered Jax and asked him to fill in the gaps. He told me about Dan’s return, his borderline stalking, and Ruby’s refusal to do anything. As far as Jax knows, she’s spoken to Dan twice and now avoids him. Jax now collects Ruby after work; that’s how fucking frightened she is.
Life in the States was a world away from Ruby Riot. I told myself the distance would help scrub Ruby from my mind; that spending so much time around her was the problem. Wrong. The chick haunts my thoughts and dreams wherever I am, and since I returned a couple of days ago, the urge to contact her increased.
Even though I surrounded myself with people and hooked up with an old friend, there was an emptiness. Those people are from the old Jem’s life and are already alien. This is what Ruby has done; she’s removing the last parts of him and pulling me into a fresher reality.
Liam was around in LA. Weirdly, he’s with Cerys, the chick from school, years back. She’s a massive change in taste after Honey, but who am I to judge? At least Bryn hasn’t joined Dylan and Liam and entered the realm of the lovelorn yet, so there’s hope for the band.
Lovelorn. Since when did the guys change from lust to love when it comes to girl? How do they know when that shit happens? When suspicious about Sky’s motives, I asked Dylan to explain exactly what he meant about ‘loving her’ but his words make no sense. To me, ‘love’ sounds like needing someone too much and that never ends well. People take from you and hurt you. If you try to love them, they fuck off.
Or die.
One thing Dylan said sticks uncomfortably—his words about looking into Sky’s eyes and seeing himself; his heart and soul. I’m unsure I’d go that far, but I do see something in Ruby’s eyes. Not my heart because I don’t reckon I have one when it comes to emotional shit. My heart’s a muscle that pumps blood around the body, including to the part of me I normally think with when I’m with girls. That’s all. My soul? What the hell does soul mates even mean? That you both need each other so much you’re scared to leave? Makes my head spin.
A chick walks by with a coy smile thrown my way. Long legs, glossy brown hair, and a killer ass moulded into her skinny jeans. She heads to Jax. I watch in amusement as Jax ramps up his semi-star status, loudly showing her around the studio. As usual, Will and Nate disappeared to continue their drinking at the pub round the corner, and nearby Ruby packs up her guitar.
Her reaction to Jax and the girl is non-committal, but something about them bothers her because she’s frowning at the discussion Jax and the girl are having. I heard what Jax said to Ruby outside the room that night, have they acted on how he feels? Jax doesn’t introduce the girl to us; maybe he doesn’t know her name. Ruby switches to ignoring them, until Jax announces he’s leaving, arm around the shoulders of his brown-haired goddess.
“I thought you were giving me a ride home?” asks Ruby, straightening.
“Shit. Forgot. We’re joining Will and Nate. I doubt I’ll manage to drive once we’re done. You can come too?” suggests Jax.
“Thanks a fucking bunch,” she snaps. “I have a 6 a.m. shift, then the afternoon here. I’m not going anywhere apart from home.”
“Sorry,” says Jax but he isn’t; he’s too focused on groping the chick’s ass and kissing her eager mouth.
“I waited for you and now it’s almost fucking dark. I’ll get the bloody bus,” mutters Ruby and grabs her bag.
“I’ll take you,” I say, happy to find an opportunity to talk to her about this crap with Dan.
Ruby’s tense shoulders relax. “You sure?”
“Yeah. I’m not busy tonight. How far to your place?”
“Maybe twenty minutes from here. At this time, anyway.”
Ruby’s house is closer to half an hour away. The journey fills with polite conversation, Ruby keeping the topic on what I did in the States and carefully steering away any questions about her. In return, I don’t answer much of what she asks. I pull my BMW up outside her small house; she’s chewing her nails and surveying the street. The happier Ruby retreated since we last spent time alone together.
“Inviting me in for a coffee?” I ask, switching off the engine.
“You do know that’s a euphemism for fucking?”
Jesus, this girl’s barriers are high again.
“Yeah, but I actually mean coffee. Decaf.”
Ruby allows me a smile. “You really have kicked every addiction, haven’t you?”
“Most. So? Do I get my decaf?”
She opens the car door and pauses. “Sure.”
Inside Ruby’s house, a girl sits in the lounge, ordinary looking chick with short brown hair clipped back at the side, curled up reading a book. She looks up at me and recognition flickers.