18
Jem
Tonight,Ruby Riot plays in a smaller venue in Camden, another I recognise from years ago. Bryn’s in town claiming he wants to see how the band are progressing— yeah, right, check up on me. This evening, Ruby left the house as soon as Bryn arrived, jumped into the waiting van the guys use when they gig, and they drove away.
I arrive with Bryn an hour before they’re due on stage to find Jax and Ruby huddled together, running through the set list as they usually do. Their relationship bothers me, especially now Dan isn’t around. Whether they’re a couple or not isn’t the only thing that bothers me. She’s comfortable with him—Ruby isn’t comfortable with me.
I’m not surprised following what she witnessed a couple of nights ago. My stomach turns over when I think about Ruby seeing me in that fucked up state but in a weird way, the incident equalises us. Now both of us have shown vulnerabilities. Considering her history, Ruby should’ve run as far as she could from an irrational man throwing things around the house, but there was no fear in her eyes, just concern and understanding.
We haven’t mentioned anything since and we both behave as if the night never happened.
Bryn pushes through the bar and we head towards the main hall of the old theatre. “You still haven’t explained why Ruby was at your place the other night. What’s going on?”
“Ruby’s living with me.”
He halts. “Define ‘living with you’, Jem. I thought we’d agreed you avoid relationships for a few months?”
“We’re living in the same house. Sharing a kitchen but not a bed. Platonic.”
Bryn chokes back a laugh. “Right. For how long?”
“I don’t intend to fuck her anytime soon.”
Bryn arches an eyebrow. “I meant how long is she staying. Your response suggests you’re thinking a little too much about the non-platonic part.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I mutter. Am I that transparent?
“She’s not bringing anything into the house that can screw around with you, is she?”
“Ruby knows not to.” Bryn’s lips purse and he keeps walking. “Her ex beat the crap out of her. That’s why she’s with me, okay?”
“That’s even worse!” says Bryn, turning back to me. “Liv, much?”
This edges my thoughts every day, but I don’t acknowledge them. “Not ‘Liv, much’. So piss off if you don’t have anything useful to say.”
Ruby sits on the edge of the stage drinking water between growling at the brothers. The more stressed Ruby is, the snappier she is, as I’m beginning to learn.
I can guess why.
“If Dan comes, I’ll sort it,” I tell her as I approach.
Ruby slowly screws the lid onto the bottle. “Don’t care if he does.”
“I do.” Ruby frowns at me. “I saw him threaten you when you were together; what the hell do you think he’ll be like now you’ve left him?”
“Now?” Ruby hops off the wooden stage. “I’ll tell you what Dan will be like now. He’ll be like you.”
Too stunned to reply I step back. Ruby continues, face impassive. “He’ll be super nice. Apologetic. He’ll offer to help me but say he doesn’t want anything in return. Like you.”
“Are you comparing me to Dan?” I ask in a low voice.
“No, I’m saying I trust people too easily. I trust you when I shouldn’t,” she replies as quietly.
“I never asked you to. All I did was give you somewhere to stay. Feel free to leave when you want.” Infuriated that she’s comparing me to Dan on the smallest level, I turn and walk away.
Ruby doesn’t realise, but I know exactly what she’s doing because it’s a favourite trick of mine.Piss them off, push them away, and they won’t disappoint you.
Tonight is Ruby Riot’s first performance since Ruby left Dan, and there’s a new energy around her on stage. The connection between Ruby and the rest of the band is sharper. At past gigs, she was lost in her own world, part of the group but at the forefront and alone. On a couple of occasions tonight, Ruby even cracks a smile at the other band members. She and Jax joke around, Ruby interrupting his playing with hers and he sings over her in return.