Conversation over as far as he’s concerned, Jem pulls the hotel menu from the low table nearby. That’s it? He thinks this is dealt with?
“I’m not hungry,” I snap and head to the shower.
* * *
We crosspaths as I come out of the bathroom and Jem goes inside, not speaking. I’m genuinely not hungry now the rough edges of our relationship are suddenly visible. Why can’t he trust me enough to confide what’s bothering him?
Jem’s cagey over the last few weeks. Not only the phone calls, but like he’s hiding something. Now Jem admitted he is. I pushed down my insecurities, but the way he looks at me has changed. The guard is back up in his eyes. Are we growing too close? Is that what’s bothering him?
Is Kristie who the whispered phone calls were with? I don’t want to be one of ‘those girls,’ especially considering the way Dan stalked my life, but my urge is too strong. When the water starts trickling in the shower, I grab Jem’s phone. He doesn’t lock the screen, which is a pretty stupid move because if he lost his phone his life would be accessible to anyone.
Jem doesn’t have a lot of contacts. Bryn, Dylan, Steve, Liam, and occasionally Tina, the PR girl.
And Marie. Not Kristie.
A desperate need to know the truth overrides my guilt, and I scroll through the messages. They’re all similar in tone.
I look through the others.
is another from Marie.
Jem’s are typical Jem. Two or three words indicating he’ll call when he can. Nothing intimating his feelings. One in particular kicks me in the stomach.
* * *
Jem
The steaming waterruns over my skin, washing away the aching of a night sleeping on a too short sofa. I want to stand under here forever. Life gets better, and then it gets hard again. People are so fucking complicated—Ruby has everything I can give her. Why isn’t she happy? I’m okay with what she gives me.
Accusing me of sex with someone else. Not trusting me. And she wonders why I don’t share what else is going on. Why the hell would I want to screw Kristie? Yeah, Kristie came on to me, couldn’t understand why I’d be faithful to Ruby, but I didn’t do anything, for fuck’s sake. After a few minutes of Kristie pressing herself against me while I explained I didn’t want her, she got the message, shoved me to one side, and walked away.
Have I backed off from Ruby recently? Yeah, probably a little. But that’s because my head is messed up, and I’m trying to contain everything. If this pours out, and Ruby can’t cope with the fucked up Jem Jones returning, things will get worse. So I keep him contained.
If I let Ruby in and she rejects me when I need her most, my life will go full circle. Best solution? Ensure that I don’t need her. Don’t allow myself to need anyone. I haven’t spoken to Bryn or Dylan about this, and I’m running out of excuses not to visit Marie.
What type of person doesn’t visit his dying mother?