I toke on the joint wondering if I should have chosen differently. Did things another way. And yet I don’t regret one fucking moment spent with her. Not one moment I was inside her. Not one moment of her lips on mine. Not even a little bit.
Fuck I need her to pop out from somewhere and tell me this is some sick fucking joke. Even though cruel.
This can’t be the end of us.
I refuse to accept that she’s calling it quits.
I pull the letter out and the scent of her perfume hits me. Flowery and sweet.
I close my eyes and picture her in my mind. Her infectious smile. Her pretty blonde hair. The way she came apart at the seams at my touch. All those sweet sounds she made.
Fuck me.
Torsten,
I’ll try to keep this short. How do I put into words the way you made me feel? You awoken parts of me I never knew existed. You gave me such confidence. You made me realize so many things. You changed me for the better and that’s what makes writing this even harder. How do I say goodbye to the man who showed me that I have worth as a woman? That there was more to me than a couple of stretch marks and a tummy. You made me feel beautiful. Because of you I learned to love myself. But I still have work to do. On me. I want you to be happy and please don’t come after me. It’s not you. I know that sounds so cliché and like such a cop out. Maybe it is. You live in a world that I’m sure I’m meant to be a part of. I care about you, but I love me more. I’m at a place in my life I need to be selfish. This is me putting my needs first.
This is goodbye.
All my love,
Andrea
Tears streak down my face as I take another hit of the joint and chug another shot of liquor. I throw the bottle at the back of the clubhouse watching it shatter like my god damn heart.
Fuck this.
I don’t need it.
I don’t need her.
That’s the lie my anger tells me.
I need her.
I want her.
Fuck do I want her.
December
I head upstairs of the clubhouse to see if Smoke is around. He was supposed to meet me at the gym this morning to spar but was a no show.
Footsteps sound and I spy Kimber, Link’s niece running toward me like the place is on fire. I catch her around the waist.
“Easy, girl.” She latches onto me rubbing her snot all over my neck bawling her damn eyes out as if someone has died.
She stares up at me with pain glittering in her eyes. Kimber’s a pretty little thing even when she cries. Her strawberry blonde hair pairs well with her complexion. Girl looks older than eighteen and at times acts it too. “Please get me out of here.”
Don’t know what the fuck she’s doing here. What I do know is that if some lousy fuck did anything to her, I’ll break their damn neck. They won’t have to worry about Link. “What happened?” I grit out trying to contain my anger.
“Nothing I just. Please.”
“Kimber.” Fucking Navarro. Should have known.
“Not now.” Can’t he see he’s inflicted enough damage.
“Just let me talk to her. Fuck.”
I take in his appearance. Shirtless and sweaty. He’s about to be a dead man depending on how she answers me. “Be honest. Did he hurt you?”
She shakes her head.
“Want me to kick his ass anyway?” I’ve been itching for a good fight.
“No,” she whispers.
“Do you want to talk to him?” I don’t do teenage boyfriend drama, but Navarro is a prospect, and we have laws in place. Orders he should be following.
She closes her eyes and breathes in and out. “Yeah.”