“Do you know what’s worse, Jonathan? I like it. I’ve come to crave the depravity that comes from being used as a sex toy. I like to be dominated. Spat on. Degraded and humiliated and it has nothing to do with money and everything to do with my broken soul. Because the girl you once left behind when all she needed was you, has transformed into the worst kind of sinner, one your Holy God would never forgive.”
If my words shock him in the least, his expression stays the same, exuding the same calmness that I’ve always remembered.
“I hear you,” he finally says an eternity later. “I hear you, baby.”
I reach out to take his hand and hold it in mine. “I have grown to like things that will disgust you, Jonathan. Vanilla sex is not the norm in my life, not for a very long time now. How will we ever make it work?”
“So, you like it rough. I’m not sure I can give you that, or any of the other things you just told me. But I can try to be what you want, what you need. I promise you that.”
“That’s sweet, J,” I simply say. “I know you will, baby.”
“You said you’re tired. How about I draw you a hot bath and give you a massage after? No expectations.”
His words trail off, making me think of our last night together. “That'd be great because you wouldn’t want to touch me. Not after the things I just did.”
Instantly, he shoots up and looks around, searching for the bathroom. “It's the door to your left.”
He vanishes for a good ten minutes before he comes back, a warm smile lingering on his bearded face. “The water should be warm enough for you. I also added in some of the bubbles I found sitting on the shelf. I always remember you smelling like jasmine.”
“Thank you, I’m sure it’s perfect, J. I won't take long,” I whisper, heading into the bathroom a moment later.
Under any other circumstances, I'd ask him to join me but right now my mind is all over the place and I can’t think straight to save my life.