* * *
“You.”Having said my piece to my father, it’s Antonio’s turn. As soon as I exit that motel room I point an accusing finger at him. “Take me somewhere we can be alone. Not the house.” While he stands with his usual confidence, his eyes give him away. I know the truth now, that days ago he asked for my hand in marriage. His trepidation about that fact is evident in the urgency of his gaze and the clenching of his jaw.
He takes me to The Peninsula Hotel on Fifth Avenue. The room is stately, big with a four-poster bed and views over a midnight stricken Fifth Avenue. I walk to the windows and look out over the city with my arms crossed. I can hear Antonio slowly following me, saying nothing, only waiting for me to speak, as he did on the short drive here. I haven’t said anything yet, and I can practically hear his teeth grinding as he clenches that jaw in impatience. When I eventually speak, my voice is low and controlled.
“Why would you toy with my emotions, Antonio?”
Still facing the window, I can only hear his confusion.
“Toy with you—Mia, what are you talking about?”
I spin around, pinning my angry gaze on him. “After everything you said that night after the restaurant, how could you go and pull such a stunt? Asking for my fucking hand in marriage? Did you think you were doing me a favor?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Do you think it’s normal to lock a girl in a room, only to go and ask permission to marry her?” My voice is less controlled now.
“Nothing about this is normal, Mia.”
“No! It’s not! You kept me locked in a fucking tower! Punished me! Then made me fall in love with you! Only to punish me some more when you got drunk as a fucking street dweller and let me believe you killed my father!”
“Mia—”
“No! I’m not done! Why on this Godforsaken planet earth would you want me to be your wife? You said that I couldn’t handle your lifestyle, so why the fuck would you tie yourself to me?”
Antonio sighs, steps toward me. When I try to move away and carry-on shouting at him, he holds me by the shoulders.
“Mia! For Christ’s sake! Because I love you too!”
The room is silent but for both of our heavy breaths. I stare at him with wide, unbelieving eyes. There’s no way he would lie about this, right? What could he possibly gain by lying about that?
“That night outside the restaurant, I said things out of anger and out of fear. There was so much going on with my father, the organization, that fucking guy who disrespected me, and with you. Becoming the new leader of the family isn’t exactly easy, and at the very first sign that you weren’t strong enough to handle it, I pushed you away. I didn’t think about the fact that you might need an adjustment period, that seeing these things that I see every day could be difficult for you. And I understand now that it was, but I also understand that you can handle it.”
I swallow, feeling my tears fall but not moving an inch. His eyes flicker between mine, desperately hoping his words are getting through to me.
“Just look at how you acted today! You saved my life, Mia. The entire family will be grateful for that. Hell, I’m grateful for that. So, so grateful. Because there’s no one better to have by my side. No one stronger or braver than you.” He closes his eyes for a short second. “I want to marry you because you drive me crazy with lust, you’re the most sexually pleasing woman I’ve ever been with. But I also want to marry you because I love you, I love the woman you are, that you’ve become over the last few days. Now, I’m not sure if you really do love me, but it’s entirely your choice if you want to stay with me or not.”
My lip wobbles and my vision becomes blurry. Antonio lets go of my shoulders, and immediately I spring forward, wrapping myself around him and kissing him like I’ve never done before.
“Ah,” he winces, and I pull back, looking at his midsection. “It’s okay, please,” he says and pulls me back to him, kissing me deeply. I let my frustrations out by gripping his shoulders, his neck, his hair. After a few seconds I know I need to feel him, to be with him again. I pull away, panting, and lead him to stand next to the bed.
Feeling impatient, I rip his jacket off his shoulders, and he helps me along, pulling it off his arms while we continue to kiss each other urgently. Then, I rip his shirt off, buttons flying across the room, some hitting the full-length mirror on the wall. He has a bandage wrapped around his body, and I look up. “Does it hurt?”
“It’s just a scratch.”
I nod and slow my pace down. While my feelings are turbulent and screaming to be let out, they’re here to stay, and we have the whole night…and a lifetime besides. Antonio touches me, brushing my hair back, stroking my cheek, while I undo his belt and his pants. He kicks his shoes off and sits on the bed, where I bend down to pull the pants off entirely. Now, he’s waiting for me, but I stay out of reach and pull my dress over my head. My matching lingerie is almost see-through. Antonio sits, every part of him at attention.
Swallowing deeply, I feel the pressure of his gaze sweeping over my body. I feel the nerves within me tighten my stomach, but I take a deep breath and let it go. This isn’t my first time anymore. This is me, loving Antonio, and him loving me back. So I reach behind me and remove my own bra, watching Antonio’s face turn into something akin to excited pride. As if seeing me believe in myself and be bold for him is a dream come true. It changes again quickly, to a look of urgent need, becoming serious as he licks his lips. I go to him.
He reaches for my body as I climb onto his lap, straddling his thighs. Our lips meet and our tongues connect, the feeling familiar now but never old. Antonio moves us back, into the middle of the bed and lies back, bringing my body with him. We’re taking a moment to just kiss each other, a show of affection, proving to ourselves that this isn’t only lust. That this is us, together.
It doesn’t last long, though. Because I have an idea.
“Lay down,” I tell him while quickly taking his belt from the floor.
“Fuck me,” he exclaims.
“I want to try something,” I say, climbing onto the bed again. “Don’t worry, I won’t spank you.” I smile naughtily and wrap the belt around his wrists, then around the bedpost.