I nodded. “I don’t, though… want you going away, I mean. I feel safer with you here. You saved me.”
His face darkened for a moment, and he swallowed. “I don’t know about that. It shouldn’t have happened. He should never have been close enough. I won’t fail you again, I promise.”
I squeezed his hand. “Can we not talk about it anymore? I need to talk about literally anything else.”
He grinned, not the usual wide grin, but it was a start.
“Well… Uh… I see you met Lenore at last. She’s a feisty one. Did I ever tell you about the first time I met her and Marco?”
I shook my head, and he leaned closer.
“She practically punched my lights out. Honestly, she nearly knocked this tooth out. She’s a dangerous lady.”
I giggled, despite everything. “Why did she do that?”
His cheeks went a little pink. “I might have pointed a gun in her general direction.”
“What? Why did you have a gun?”
And then he explained how he’d first heard of the Bennett brothers, of their business, and their deals, and how he’d broken into their office. How he’d ended up being questioned by Marco, who was the huge guy I’d met before, and how Lenore had been the muscle. It sounded bizarre, but then she wasn’t some little weak thing like me. She was tough. Strong.
“She’s lucky she’s so tough. Men wouldn’t hurt her like this.”
He looked down at the floor for a moment. “Don’t be so sure. She got tough because of something bad that happened to her. It’s her story. I’ll let her tell you if she wants. Just know that she became the kickass lady you met, in spite of what happened to her. And we’re all going to help you get there too. You’ll never be in that kind of danger again, I promise.”
I sighed. “We’re talking about it again.”
He rubbed his face. “I’m sorry. I just… there’s like a million things I want to say. Apologies, desperate pleas for you to not push me away, and I know it’s all selfish, and not fair, and I still can’t help myself.”
I squeezed his hand. “This is new for us both, Adam. We’re both going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing now and then. I’ll bear with you, if you’ll do the same.”
He fixed his eyes on me, lowering his face to my hand, his lips gently touching my skin.
“Anything you need. I’m here. I love you, Julie.” His words chased away a little of the coldness inside. That he could still love me, after… after this… it was everything.
“I love you, Adam. Please stay with me. I don’t want to be alone.”
I fell asleep like that, curled on my side in the bed, my hand in Adam’s, and that’s when the first nightmare hit.
He held me down, his heavy body over mine, as he forced himself into me. It hurt. It hurt so much, and as I screamed, and tried to push him away, he laughed.
“I knew you were a little slut, Julie. Now you’re getting what little sluts deserve.” He thrust again, and I sobbed, begging him to stop, but he ignored me.
“Julie? Come on, little angel, wake up. You’re safe.” Fingers stroked my cheek, and I jerked away from his touch, before I realised I was looking at Adam. He was frowning, and his eyes looked haunted.
“Sorry.” I whispered. “Nightmare.”
He nodded. “I know, sweet girl. But you’re safe now, okay? I won’t let anything bad happen to you, ever again.”
“He told me I was a slut. That I deserved it.”
Adam clenched his fists. “Fucker.”
I stared at him, feeling tiny and pathetic. “Was he right? Am I a slut? Did I deserve what he did to me?”
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, but I could see they were wet.
“Jesus, fucking hell no, Julie. Nobody deserves that. NOBODY. Least of all you. You are definitely not a slut. Never. And I hate that anyone made you think that, or said that to you. He was a monster. He was justifying his evil fucking behaviour, and trying to break you down in the process. But he’s not going to win, okay? You’re not going to let him do that to you.”
He was squeezing my hand as he spoke, and it gave me strength. Just a little. Was it enough?
“But-”
“No fucking buts, little angel. You’re my sweet girl, and you’re the furthest thing from what he said, okay? You’re… fucking hell. You’re mine, okay? And I wouldn’t choose someone who wasn’t sweet, and lovely, and fucking amazing.”
“You’re swearing a lot.” I said with a small giggle.
“Good. That’s because I’m serious as fuck. Now get some sleep, little angel. Rest. I’m going to be right here, and if that bastard shows up in your dreams again, I’m going to come in there, and tear his fucking genitals off.”
I giggled again. “I’ll try to remember that.”