Chapter Fifty-Three
JULIE
They changed the bedding after I threw the water over myself. Adam had fled, and didn’t return. I couldn’t blame him. What the hell use was I to him now? I couldn’t even last a few minutes with him, without freaking out.
“Okay, Julie, before your man comes back, we need to talk.” The nice nurse said. Nurse Willows was her name, according to her badge, and she had a nice manner. It put me at ease.
“Did he leave?” I asked her, and she shook her head.
“He’s outside with the others somewhere. He can come back when you’re ready. But first I need to speak with you about what happened.”
I felt a wave of nausea. I didn’t want to talk about it. Not again. Not with anyone.
She patted my hand gently, offering a sad smile.
“I’m sorry about this, love. I know it’s difficult. We’ve taken blood and other samples, to test for infections, but we need to talk about emergency birth control too.”
I shook my head. “Not necessary. He didn’t… um… Adam stopped him…”
She nodded. “And you were on birth control already?”
I chewed my lip. “I missed a pill or two recently. But he didn’t finish. I’m sure he didn’t.”
Nurse Willows nodded again. “So you’re opting not to have emergency birth control.”
I swallowed hard, finally saying it out loud. “There’s a really small chance I might already be pregnant. I don’t want to risk harming the baby, if there is one.”
She took a breath. “How far gone might you be?”
“Not even a week. I mean, it’s probably… I’m probably not, but I don’t want to risk it.”
She stood up, smoothing her uniform. “It’s all your decision, Julie. We’ll run a pregnancy test, using the samples we’ve taken, although it may be too early to know.”
I smoothed the blankets, keeping my eyes away from her.
“I understand. Is there a chance if I was, that he… that it killed the baby?”
She made a note on the chart, and dropped it back into the tray.
“If you’re pregnant, love, I’d imagine that you’re in such an early stage, that we can’t really know either way. A missed pill or two doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pregnant though.”
I suddenly felt desperately sad. I didn’t want to imagine that I might not be pregnant. Might not be carrying our baby. Mine and Adam’s. If I lost him because of this, I wanted to still have our baby. A reminder of what we’d had, before Jeff Clarke destroyed everything.
“Do you want someone to come back in with you?”
“Will you ask Adam if he’ll come back in please? Tell him I understand if he needs some time.”
She was gone only a minute, before he was poking his head around the door.
“Hey… you sure about this?” He looked different. Tired, drawn, like he’d been crying, even. I nodded fast, reaching for him again.
He approached the bed, and stared at my hand for a moment, before he offered his, and I grabbed it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out before.”
He dropped into that seat beside me, waving the other hand, like it had been no big deal. His blotchy face suggested otherwise.
“You have nothing to apologise for, little angel. Whatever you need, I’m here for. If me going away is what you need, just tell me, and I’ll give you space, okay?”