I nodded, slumping back against the pillows, as she grabbed her phone from the arm of the chair she’d been sitting in, and slipped out through the door, casting me a sad glance as she pulled the door closed.
**********
ADAM
When Lenore appeared from one of the rooms down the long hallway, she made straight for Marco, and stepped into his arms. He held her tight against him, and we waited while she sobbed into his chest. All I wanted was to hold Julie in that same way, to be her strength, and her protection, and her comfort.
But how could I face her, knowing that I’d failed her, and that’s why she’d just been through hell? Would continue to go through hell for years, if not the rest of her life.
Samuel moved away from beside me, and that’s when I realised he’d vacated the seat for Lenore. Marco stayed beside her, his hand on her shoulder, as she looked at me. Had she spoken? Had I missed something?
“Adam?” She put a hand on my arm, and I focused on it for a moment.
“Adam, look at me.” Her voice was strong, even though I’d just seen her break down when she reached the safety of Marco.
“I don’t know if I can.”
Her hand moved from my arm, then slapped back down on it, and I winced, finally looking at her.
“That’s better. Don’t do that to her. She deserves to see that you aren’t disgusted by her, and if you hide from her, that’s all she’s going to imagine.”
I pulled my arm away. “What the fuck? Of course I’m not disgusted. Not with her. I’m disgusted with that bastard, and with myself, but not her. Never her.”
She glanced at Marco, and he stepped away from us, heading for the coffee machine. They were so in sync with each other, that a quick glance was like a full conversation for them. I wanted that for us. For Julie and for me. And now it would probably never happen.
“Adam, can you just try and focus on me for a minute? I know you’re freaking out right now, and probably blaming yourself, just like any man in your situation would, but you need to hear me.”
Marco reappeared, sticking another black coffee in my hand, after he passed one to Lenore. Kissing her forehead, he stepped away from us, joining the Bennetts and Cass, who were seated across the room.
“They’re all here, like a family.” I commented randomly, noticing that everyone in the plush waiting room was Bennett related, meaning they were here for them, and her.
“We are all a family. You know, I started off on the outside, thinking they were the bad guys, but good and bad… it’s a grey area. I learned the hard way that we can be really wrong about people. And now so has Julie. She let a man in, a man she trusted, because he seemed safe. I’d have done the same. I knew Jeff for almost as long as I’d known Harvey. I would never have suspected he had that side to him. He was never predatory towards me, so I saw him as a father figure. Harvey idolised him. Julie wasn’t wrong to trust him. Neither were you.”
“I didn’t. Not really. I just didn’t know he was so dangerous. I wish I’d agreed for the Bennetts to kill him back when they suggested it, instead of fighting his corner, like he was worth protecting.”
Lenore nodded. “Like I said, he had us all fooled. But now our focus has to be on Julie. I gather her family did a number on her, and she says that he said similar stuff to her, so as well as feeling dirty and used, and all of the stuff she’s going to feel, she also believes that they were all right about her. She’s afraid you’ll be turned off, and not want to be near her.”
Jesus. I ran a hand through my hair. I hadn’t realised how much it was killing me to be away from her. Talking to Lenore; the one person who’d been beside her since it happened, it’s like it flicked a switch inside me, that I hadn’t even realised wasn’t on. All of a sudden, I needed to be in there with her. A desperate urge. A compulsion, willing me to move. I stood up, nearly spilling the coffee Marco had handed me.
“Sit down!” Lenore barked, and I did, too shocked to argue. Everyone else in the room had turned to look at us, but they went back to their quiet chitchat.
“I need to be with her.”
She nodded. “I know. And she needs you too, but she asked for a little time alone, and she’s going to get that. For a while. And then I’m going to go back, and poke my head in the door, and give her the chance to stop being alone. If we leave her too long, she won’t let anyone back in. But she deserves some time to absorb what happened, without any eyes on her. Trust me. Just be ready for when she asks for you, because she will. And you need to go in there strong, and ready to be whatever the fuck she wants.”
“All of this happened because I didn’t know how to be that man, Lenore. How can you be so sure now that I’m capable of it?”
She smiled weakly. “I watched you beat the man who hurt your woman to death, and that’s how I know how strong your feelings for her are. That’s how I know you won’t let her down. Oh, here’s Jeffrey.” I followed her gaze to see the Bennett ‘family doctor’ approaching.
He nodded at me, and gestured with his head, so I followed him, handing my untouched coffee to Lenore. All eyes watched as I left the waiting area. Was he taking me to see her?
No. He took me to a small room; the sign on the door said, ‘Family Waiting’. He gestured to one of the few seats, and I sat down again.
“How are you holding up, Adam?” I shrugged.
“Not really the one we need to be worrying about right now.”
He pointed to my hands, my bloody knuckles. How had that even happened? I couldn’t remember the act of killing Jeff Clarke. I just knew that he’d fallen silent, and I hadn’t stopped my assault on him.