Chapter Forty-Nine
JULIE
The weird numbness that had fallen over me, right around the time Mr Clarke started pulling my clothes off, was actually a good thing. I vaguely remembered what had happened, but it was distanced, removed… it was something I’d witnessed, but didn’t feel.
Likewise, all of the things the nurses were doing, to get me cleaned up, and into a hospital gown, and into a bed, they were things I knew were happening, but didn’t feel involved in. Throughout everything, Lenore never left my side. I liked that. Her fierceness made me feel safe. She made me feel safe.
My clothes were bagged by the nurses, along with my blanket. I liked that blanket. It was one I’d bought from a Christmas market, hand-crocheted and sold to support some charity I couldn’t remember. I dimly wondered if I’d get it back. And then I wondered if I’d even want it back.
The nurses were patching up something on my face. My face was sore. Stinging. Other parts of me were sore too. Not in the way I liked. Not in the way I’d wanted Adam to make me hurt. This pain wasn’t gifted to me, by the one I love. It was forced on me. I didn’t want it. I’d tried to fight against it.
My throat hurt, like I’d been strangled. My face was sore, like it had been bruised, or cut. My stomach felt like it had been filled with burning acid. My thighs were sore, like I’d made too many cuts, and they were bleeding, and I’d forgotten to treat them. I wrenched the light blankets away, to check them, and Lenore tutted, covering me up again.
“It’s okay, Julie. They bandaged your legs. You’re safe. Look at me.”
I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t stop cataloguing the parts of me that hurt. I was sore down there. I felt raw. It burned. It felt bruised. I was sore inside. Because he’d been inside me. I retched, and someone moved a silver dish in front of me, just as I painfully choked up burning bile.
“Oh god…” I whispered, as I lay back against the angled bed. Something cool and soothing brushed against my forehead, and I blinked up at a lady in a nurse’s uniform. She was nice. She looked motherly. Kind. Sad.
I felt someone take my hand, and I gasped, turning to look at the person beside me. It was still Lenore.
“Sorry. I just feel like I want to offer you something to hold on to. I didn’t have that when…” She swallowed hard. “You need strength from someone. Take mine.”
I stared at her, at the sorrow on her face. “Did they catch him? Was he arrested?”
She chewed at her lip, glancing at the nurse. “Can we have a minute, please?” The nurse looked at me, and then nodded, leaving the room, the door closing almost silently behind her. I didn’t like that. A silent door could be used without me knowing.
Lenore sighed. “He wasn’t arrested… but he’s gone.”
I clenched my free hand, feeling my nails digging into my skin. The small bites of pain helped me to focus.
“Gone where? Am I safe?”
Lenore nodded. “I promise, babe. He’s gone for good. Adam made sure of that.”
Adam’s name, spoken so suddenly, sent a wave of pain running through me. And something else. Need. I needed him. Where was he?
“Is he here?”
Lenore patted my hand with her other one. “He’s coming. As soon as he’s here, we can get them to send him in. If that’s what you want. Everything is up to you, Julie. You see who you want to, and we’ll keep away anyone you don’t want here.”
“It hurts.” I whispered, because they hadn’t given me anything for the pain. Why hadn’t they given me pain relief? Didn’t I deserve to not feel this right now? Why couldn’t I have that blessed numbness back?
“I can get them to give you something. Is it your head?” She pointed at whatever injury my face or head had suffered.
I nodded, and then I shook my head. “Not just there.”
Her hand squeezed at mine. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen. But no pressure. You talk when you’re ready, okay? Don’t let anyone push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“Are the police coming?” I didn’t want the police. I didn’t want them to tell my parents. Definitely didn’t want them here. But how could I stop that from happening?
She shook her head. “It’s been dealt with, outside of the police. The Bennetts and Marco are seeing to it.”
I let my nails dig into my palm again, shifting the cloud just enough that I could understand her words.
“Seeing to what?”
She sighed. “Disposing of that bastard’s body. Cleaning your place up. Bringing you to this place. No police involved, because justice has already been served. The Bennett kind of justice. The real kind.”