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I knew very well what he was referring to, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about the phone call he’d overheard, so I deflected the topic as if it were my main reason on this earth. “I think we better get to studying. What do you need help with first?”
Isaiah’s arms came down and rested on the glossy wood that separated us. I kept my eyes trained to the dancing shadows along his forearms that seemed to move every other second as his fingers drummed over the hard surface. “I thought you trusted me, Good Girl.”
My eyes moved to his, and it drove me mad that I couldn’t see the blue color. I suddenly found myself reaching over to the light in between us and clicking it on. “I already told you I don’t trust anyone.”
His head tilted, his thick black eyelashes falling once, then twice. “You trusted me earlier when I leaned in and kissed your cheek. Didn’t you?”
I did. The muscles along my mouth tightened, and I was left speechless.
“So, tell me, Gemma. Why do you still want me to call you Good Girl? Now, after knowing that your uncle calls you that—which I am one hundred fucking percent certain isn’t in an endearing way—I’m going to need an explanation.”
The beating of my heart grew in speed as I stared up into his cool eyes mixed with uncertainty and something else I couldn’t quite decipher. Every single part of me was screaming to abort this conversation and put him and his pleading face in his place, but there was a teeny-tiny stab in my chest that had me pausing. I didn’t owe him an explanation. I knew that. So why was I considering it?
Could I trust him? Would it be so bad to trust someone here? The hollow part of me grew deeper as my heart continued to climb in speed. The thumping was hard—I could feel the beat in every corner of my body—until I just let go. I blurted out my answer, and it was like thunder cracking in the background. “Because every time you call me that, it cancels out each time he has called me that.” I licked my dry lips as I shrugged. “Maybe if you say it enough, it’ll erase them all.”
Silence filled the library, and it was just as heavy as my vulnerability. There was no change in Isaiah’s facial expression, no hitch of breath, nothing. Isaiah only stared at me. He stared at me so long that I began to grow uneasy, and I wanted to slash at the air to make the words disappear. But that was the thing with words. Once they were out, they were out. There were no take-backs.
Anger began to seep in at Isaiah’s lack of response. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted him to say, but I needed him to say something. Anything. Another few seconds passed, and I finally straightened my spine. “Was that enough trust for you?” I snapped, leveling my chin and glancing away. Shame settled in my bones, weighing me down to the chair as if I were permanently one with it now.
“I kissed your cheek earlier to protect you.” His words cut through my anger for a second.
“What?” I asked, completely confused.
Isaiah repeated himself. “I kissed your cheek earlier to protect you.”
“I heard what you said. I just don’t…understand.” My brows puckered for a second before I recovered. “Protect me from who?”
Isaiah pushed my chips toward me again. “Eat, Gemma. The dining hall is closed, and I’ve heard your stomach growl three times now.”
I brushed the chips away, too eager to know his answer. “I answered you. Now you have to answer me.”
The biggest, megawatt smile appeared on Isaiah’s face, and the warm glow of lamplight shone on that stupid dimple again. “Oh, is that how this is gonna go, Good Girl? An answer for an answer?” His brow hitched. “That can lead to some very dangerous places.”
I ignored his grin, sitting up taller in my seat, feeling slightly exasperated. “How is placing a kiss on my cheek going to protect me?”
“Why are you so afraid of your uncle?”
I placed my hands down on the table. “Why are you so dead set on not getting expelled?”
He leaned forward, our eyes leveling. “Why are you always scribbling in your journal?”
Anger brewed. “Why did you tell me to stay away from Bain?”
“Have you ever been kissed?”
A soft breath left my mouth as my eyes jolted down to Isaiah’s lips. The traitorous pair that they were betrayed me right there on the spot. I thought for a hopeful moment that Isaiah didn’t notice, but by the twitch of his upper lip, I knew that I’d been caught. Isaiah: 1, Gemma: 0.
“You haven’t, have you?” His smile fell, and when I met his eyes, my cheeks flooded with heat. And shame. There was a whole lotta shame that came after the initial feeling of embarrassment. His jaw tightened at the edges as his chest filled with air. Once he let his breath out, I did the same. I hadn’t even realized I was holding mine until I watched his chest expand. “Bain will try to use you to get to me. I kissed your cheek to show people that you were mine. I was making a point.”
Why did his words sting so much? What? Did I want Isaiah to kiss my cheek for any other reason? No. That couldn’t even be a possibility. I had enough to worry about. Isaiah was already close enough to becoming a casualty in Richard’s games if he caught on to our agreement. If Isaiah and I somehow became more than what we were now, it would only seal his fate. No one was allowed to touch me, and I knew it killed Richard to know that there were people here who could see me—and possibly touch me. Even if they weren’t looking at me in the way that he did.
You are mine. I held back a shudder as his voice filtered in, but it was quickly replaced with resentment and anger. I wasn’t his. And I wasn’t Isaiah’s either.
My face felt tight. “I’m not yours.” The words were like a slap in the face with how much anger stewed behind my lips. “And you think something as simple as kissing my cheek will keep people away?” I laughed bitterly. “People take what they want, Isaiah.”
Isaiah cracked his knuckles before placing them back down onto the table. “It’ll take much more than a simple brush of my lips to keep Bain away from you. But at least it’s a start.” Isaiah leaned back, clearly unphased by my temper-tantrum, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “People will start talking, Gemma. And soon, there will be a lot of speculation about us. More eyes on you means Bain will have even less of a chance to mess with you.”