“I know enough. Have you said that to him?”
“No. He always disappears before I can.”
His lips quirk. “He’s not gone. He’s just on the treadmill.”
“I overheard. He wants to save me and leave again. I can save myself.”
“But do you want to?”
“I don’t want him to leave. But I don’t want to be an obligation either.” I press my hands to my face again and groan with my admission before I look at Adam. “I threw his past in his face. Just a little, but I did it. He trusted me with that information and I know how it affects him. I sort of opened the door and told him to leave, I guess, right?”
“No. You’re human, Ana. No matter what, no matter how it happened, he was the one who pulled the trigger of the gun that killed Kasey. Then he went upstairs tonight and suggested even the memories you have of Kurt are lies. You lashed out. It’s a human thing to do.”
“Human or not, it caused additional damage we can’t afford.”
“I don’t agree. I think silence, and walking on eggshells, are what cause trouble. Don’t just start the fight. End the fight.”
“That’s my intent, but he always leaves.”
“He left once.”
“I overhead, Adam. He said he was going to leave again.”
“Did he? Because that’s not really what I heard. He said he has to settle for less than what he wants. In other words, he wants to stay.” I open my mouth to argue that point but he holds up a hand and shifts to face me more fully. “My parents, they’re gone now, but like Luke’s, they were in love and married a very long time. They didn’t live a life without struggles. They just refused to allow them to define who they were as people and a couple.”
“Struggles are one thing. This is another whole level.”
“Is it? My parents lost a child. There was a lot of blame thrown on one side. They got by it.”
“Oh. Wow. Yes, that’s rough. I’ve seen that happen. I’ve been there when the parents found out. Those are some of the worst moments of my job. How old were you?”
“Twenty-two, which will forever be the worst year of my life.”
“I’m afraid this year will be mine,” I say, and unbidden, tears burn my eyes. “Because if I find out Kurt was dirty, and Luke and I can’t work this out, I’ll have lost everyone.”
“Can I make a suggestion on how you might think of the Kurt situation?”
“Of course. Luke trusts you. I can see that. That holds weight for me.”
“Because you trust Luke,” he assumes.
“I do trust him.”
“Well, suggestion number one: tell him. If you already have, tell him again. Then hit repeat. As for the Kurt situation, you’re an FBI agent. And sure, you could think he hid things from you because he didn’t want to get in trouble. But maybe, just maybe, he hid them from you to protect you and to look good in your eyes. Maybe he just wanted you to be proud of him.”
I consider the wisdom of his words and decide I already know, but I ask anyway, “What did you do before Walker Security? I’m not sure I remember or that I knew at all.”
“SEAL.”
“Team Six?”
“I was,” he confirms. “Why?”
“Because my father told me you can spot a Sixer if you know what to do look for. They’re the elite, the most intelligent, and the deadliest, and somehow still human. It’s a unique person, an exceptional person, who can be all of those things at once. I don’t know how you connected with Luke when he doesn’t easily connect with very many people, but I’m glad you did.”
“The feeling is mutual, I assure you. And he connected to you, Ana. He’s still connected to you, but you’re right. He could easily decide to leave. In fact, if I’m being honest with you, right now I believe he’d die for you before he’d stay for you.”
His words might as well be a blade carving holes in my heart, but he’s not wrong. I know he’s not wrong. “I know,” I whisper. “You know I know.”
“Then what are you going to do about it?”
“Cuff him to my arm like he did me if that’s what I have to do.”
He chuckles. “Good plan.” He lifts his beer. “Better get to it.”
I surprise myself and muster a smile. “Thanks, Adam,” I say.
He gives me a nod. “Anytime. I’m sure you’ll return the advice.”
I laugh. “Loudly and dogmatically probably.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
I push to my feet and prepare for battle. One where no one dies, but there’s perhaps a lot of shouting and a lot of getting naked. If I’m lucky. If I handle this right. I’m not sure what right is anymore except for him. He’s right. He’s all that is right in my world. With nerves in my belly that outshine any I’ve ever had on a sting or undercover operation, I walk down the stairs. When I reach the basement, the treadmill is empty, and light radiates from an open door. My stomach knots with the realization that he’s planning to stay down here in this bedroom tonight.