I had a sudden urge to tell him the truth, and my lips slowly parted. I needed to confess and owe up to my sins. I needed to tell him, someone (anyone!) that I wasn't supposed to be alive, and that it should've been someone else who was safe, but when no words would come out, it was then I realized...I still wasn't completely alright.
"You're in shock."
His voice didn't sound gentle, but somehow, it felt that way to me.
"Try taking deep breaths."
Every word was uttered curtly. And yet it still sounded so warm to my ears.
"Don't think about anything else. Just concentrate on breathing. You're alive. That's all that matters."
My eyes started welling up again.
I was alive, yes, and that was the problem. I should've been dead, and it was the old lady who—-
"It's alright."
He wiped my tears away with his thumb. It was my first time to feel a man's touch on my skin, and the sensation was so startlingly hot, it effectively burned through my shock.
I was still terrified.
Still confused.
But I was also suddenly, inexplicably, and dizzily aware of the sinfulness of his allure.
"You can trust me. I won't let anyone hurt you."
If someone else had said those words, then those words could have just been that. Words that were only meant to reassure, but never to be taken for a vow.
But because it was this man who said them—-
This man who made my heart skip a beat even when my knees were still weak and shaking in the aftermath of the nightmare I had somehow survived—-
Somehow, I just knew.
It didn't matter if I was a stranger, and this man owed me nothing.
If he said he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, it would be as he promised...even if it meant having to keep me by his side for the rest of my life.
Ask for coffee.
I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!
Juliette woke up with tears still streaming down her cheeks, her soul weighed down by remorse, and her heart aching with agony.
It had been three years since that day, but even though she was now safe and secure - safer than she had ever been in her entire life, truly...
The nightmare had never gone away, and she doubted it ever would.
I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!
Juliette wiped her cheeks dry and closed her eyes as she pulled her knees up to her chin.
Dear God, I'm sorry I was such a coward that day.
I'm sorry someone had to die because of me.
I hope she's with you now.
Prayers were all she could think of doing every time she was reminded of that day, and the irony of it sometimes made her want to laugh and cry.
I'm so, so sorry, Glynis.
The old lady's name was something she had worked tirelessly to find out as soon as she had recovered. She had also done everything she could to learn more about Glynis' life, in hopes that she could make it up to the old lady.
But there had been no chance for atonement.
Glynis had no living relatives, not even a pet for Juliette to adopt and care for in her stead. The old lady's life, according to her colleagues, was her work, and that was to save detained individuals like Juliette from being deported.
Having had to meet with a therapist every week for an entire year, Juliette knew what she continued to struggle with was survivor's guilt. But even though the rational side of her now understood that it wasn't her that killed Glynis but that creature—-
I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry.
It still didn't seem right or fair that someone noble like Glynis should've died for a nobody like her - a child who had been placed in the system because her parents had partied and OD'd their way to their deaths.
Maybe one day, she would figure out why God still needed her here in this world, but until she knew why that was—-
Oh, if only.
Juliette bit her lip hard as feelings of inadequacy rose up inside of her. She knew it was never a good thing to compare, but every time she thought about how the other wards could have done so much better if they had been in her shoes—-
If only she was as brave as Aprilynne...
If only she was as smart as Sydney or as powerful as Luciella...
If only, dear God...
Maybe Glynis would still be alive today if only it had been anyone else that captured the vampire's attention instead of her.
Oh, if only.
Memories of that day lingered in her mind as Juliette got out of bed to take a quick shower, and since it was still a quarter to four when she finished, Juliette put on an old shirt and tied an apron over it before heading down to the kitchen.
Cooking might be a chore for many, but it was Juliette's greatest source of comfort, and by the time the family's private chef and his staff came in, the past had retreated to the back of her mind, and she was able to greet everyone with a cheerful smile.