All I do is snort, swipe a pair of sweats I laid out on the bed, and saunter into the bathroom to get changed. When I emerge back into the main part of the room, she’s laid out an entire pharmacy.
“Shirt, too, please,” she trills, tidying all the wrappers.
I ignore her request. The truth is, I don’t think I can currently lift my arms high enough to put a shirt on. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because it’s my job.”
I go quiet because deep down that’s not the answer I was hoping for.
“What did you hurt?”
My eyes drop to her lips, pursed in displeasure.
Need more bourbon.
“My shoulder.”
She nods and holds up a bottle. “You can take one of these every twelve hours. And one of those”—she points at the desk—“every four. To start, though, let’s double you up.” She pours one of each into her palm and moves to stand right in front of me, head tipping up to gaze into my eyes as she holds her hand out flat. “Take them.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to get on a bull tomorrow either way. No point in suffering.” She jiggles her hand at me. Pushy little thing that she is.
I take the pills from her palm and toss them into my mouth, holding her gaze the entire time, even as I chase them with my last sip of bourbon.
“Happy?”
“Happier.” She turns away on a sigh and grabs two tubes of cream off the table. “This is arnica cream. It’s homeopathic but I swear it works and it doesn’t smell terrible. I also got you IcyHot that will burn and clear out your nostrils. Don’t rub your eyes after using it. And when we get back home, you’re seeing someone to help with this.”
“We have a doctor on tour. I’m good, thanks. I’ll do physio once the season is over.”
“Then go see the doctor.”
“No.”
Her cheeks flush. “Why?”
I snort because she definitely doesn’t get it. “He’ll tell me not to ride. Everyone tells me not to ride.”
Her eyes widen. “Then don’t ride.”
“I have to ride.”
“Why?” Her voice is full of disbelief, like everyone else’s. No one gets it. The high, the addiction, the thrill. That I’ll have to face figuring out who I am without it.
With a few steps, I take a seat on the edge of the bed and confess, “Because I’m more myself on the back of a bull than I am any other time. I’ve only ever been a bull rider.”
The frustration leeches out of her at that confession, and she regards me with so many questions in her eyes. I look down at the plastic cup, small and flimsy between my hands, and after what seems like a long time, she finally talks again.
“Okay. When we get back to Chestnut Springs, will you at least agree to let me book you a massage or acupuncture appointment? Can we just manage the pain responsibly for the next couple of months until you win?”
My head flips up, the tips of my hair brushing against the top of my shoulders. “You think I’m going to win?”
All at once, I feel like the little boy who so badly wants attention, who wished his mom was there to see him do something impressive. The trouble-making shit disturber who didn’t care about getting a scolding because it was still attention. It meant someone cared about me, and as one of four kids with a single dad breaking his back to run a ranch, I sometimes got lost in the shuffle.
She blows a raspberry as she moves toward the door. “You’re pure magic up there. Of course, you will. Now put your cream on and go to bed.”
My chest warms as she reaches for the knob, and suddenly I don’t want her to leave at all.