My ex, Rob, put my heart back together and then tore it to shreds. I wish I could say I hate him. I should hate him. But it’s hard to extricate myself from him. There’s something intensely personal about letting someone inside your body that way.
But right now, my heart feels just fine. Aside from the fact that it’s pounding as I look out into the dirt ring.
I have to admit, this is quite the show. The stands are filling with happy chatter and laughter over the din of some twangy country songs in the big stadium. It’s not some tiny rodeo, it’s full-on entertainment. Big sponsors, high stakes.
The highest stakes. Because from the research I’ve done on the sport, the risk of serious injury is enough to keep the average person away. Statistically, it’s a miracle that Rhett is still going at his age. That he hasn’t been seriously injured. Though I’m suspecting he’s more sore than he lets on. The painkillers. The way he flinches. The way he hobbles around like I do after doing too many split-squats at the gym.
It’s obvious to me that he’s in pain.
And I tell myself that’s why I’m nervous right now. The knee I have crossed over my leg is still bouncing as I click off my phone, but it doesn’t stop me from rapping my fingers anxiously against the screen.
When the lights go dark, I stop breathing. But then spotlights flash and the announcer talks about the points race for the upcoming finals. Rhett is firmly in first place, someone named Emmett Bush is sitting in second, and Theo Silva, the younger guy from the infamous milk clip, is in third.
Rhett told me earlier that he drew a good bull, and when I asked what that means, a slightly psychotic expression came over his face as his lips stretched into a toothy grin. “It means he’s going to want to kill me, Princess.”
Princess.
The fifteen-year-old in me fainted on the spot, because this time it didn’t have the bite of an insult. But the twenty-five-year-old me lifted a finger at him and said, “Don’t princess me, Eaton.”
He chuckled and swaggered away to the locker rooms where all the riders get ready, not looking concerned at all. And I left him. Despite what Kip thinks I should do, I’m not barging into his dressing room to follow him around. We all have lines, and that’s mine.
So, here I am, watching and nibbling on my lip. The energy in the arena is downright infectious. The smell of dust and popcorn waft through the stands as I look to the gated area at the closest end of the ring.
There’s a brown bull in the chute. I can hear its snorts and see a few guys approaching the metal fences. Cowboy hats as far as the eye can see. Firm butts in tight Wranglers—the view isn’t terrible.
Especially not when I catch sight of Rhett climbing onto the top of the fence. My heart stutter-steps. Yeah, I watched him on YouTube, but seeing it in real life is different.
There’s something about a man who is damn good at what he does that holds an appeal for me. Every step is sure. Practiced. Full of confidence. His warm-brown leather chaps, with darkened spots from wear, match his eyes. They’re the color of the tiger’s-eye stones I liked as a child. Bright and shiny, perfectly polished.
The collar of his dark blue shirt rubs against where his hair is pulled back in a short ponytail, and his broad shoulders peek out from the vest he wears. The one with padding to protect him from hard falls, or flying hooves, or well-placed horns.
It looks downright flimsy next to the snorting bull in the chute. Like a child with a foam sword about to battle a proper knight.
Theo hops down onto the bull and then glances up at Rhett’s face with a shit-eating grin and a wink. They share a laugh and fist bump. There’s this small sense of relief inside me that it’s not Rhett who’s getting on the bull just yet. I’m so busy watching the way his body balances on the top of the fence, that I jump when the gates fly open and the reddish bull surges out.
The bull’s nose goes straight to the ground and his hooves fly up high behind Theo’s head. A flimsy cowboy hat is the only protection he’s wearing, and I feel like a mother hen wanting to rush down there and scold him for not wearing a helmet.
The bull turns in a tight circle and my eyes flash up to the timer, shocked to find that his eight seconds are almost up. When the buzzer sounds, the rodeo clowns rush over to help him dismount, but he leaps off and tosses a hand in the air before turning and pointing at Rhett, who is still sitting up in the fencing, clapping hard.
Looking so damn proud of the younger rider. Truthfully, it’s adorable.
“You okay, sweetheart?” a woman beside me asks.
I smile back at her. “Yes. Just... nervous.”
“I can tell.” She nods her head down at my hands, which are currently fisted in the fabric of my skirt. “You here with one of the boys?”
“Oh.” I laugh nervously, not wanting to throw Rhett under the bus to someone who is wearing a World Bull Riding Federation t-shirt with a longhorn skull on it. “I’m working on the business end. This is my first time.”
“Now the skirt makes sense,” she says kindly, eyeing my outfit. I don’t particularly care if I appear out of place. I feel good in skirts. Look good, feel good. And after years of not feeling good, wearing pretty clothes makes me feel good. So, I do it. Even if I look overdressed.
I laugh politely all the same, but when she makes a grumbling noise, I follow her line of sight, and my eyes land right on Rhett, who is pulling a helmet with a cage over his head as a white and black bull trots into the chute. The gate slams closed behind the animal, trapping it between the panels, which it clearly does not like based on the way it’s crashing against them. Rhett pulls himself back up, wincing as he does.
My throat tightens, but Rhett only pauses for a moment before descending onto the beast’s back, like he’s not terrified by the prospect.
I guess it’s just me.
He runs his hands over the rope before him, and even from some distance away, I swear I can hear the rasp of his leather glove against the rope. The firm grip. The way his hand ripples over it.