AFTERLIAMANNOUNCEDHIS plan against us, I did what I could to not seem interested in their conversation. They said nothing after he dropped our name, but it was enough for me to know I needed to be there. When I left after telling Liam to be careful, I came straight home, my mind a complete mess.
Dad has that no-kill order, but between my brother and Breckin’s growing frustration, I wouldn’t put it past them to put a bullet between Liam’s eyes. Or instruct someone else to do it.
I don’t know what my dad is protecting him from or why he even cares, but the order is there. Self-control is not something I have a good hold on—however, I’ve never gone against a direct order from him.
Well... almost never.
Ah, who the fuck am I kidding?
For some stupid ass reason, it doesn’t sit well that Liam is putting himself in the line of fire. Half of my problems will disappear if I let the dumbass get himself killed tonight. That would mean no more Collins and no more of his and Liam’s drama.
But, as much as I want my life back, as much as I hate being forced to pretend I’m someone I’m not, I can’t let that man die. I have no idea why. But, whatever the reason making me interfere in this, it can fuck right off.
My life hasn’t been easy, but I’m comfortable with the people in it. The handful of people I trust and would burn the world down for. There are only a few, but they’re enough; people who’ve been there as long as I can remember. I may sometimes allow my anger to get the best of me, but they know I love them. At least I hope they do because I would rather burn alive than have a heart-to-heart conversation.
I can’t afford to let a man just barge into my life and destroy everything. I can’t give him the power to break me as Caine did. No one will ever have that kind of power over me again. Not my mother, and certainly not a man.
I’m the daughter of the man who killed his parents. Letting him get to me is setting myself up for heartbreak. If he finds out who I am, I will become public enemy number two.
Our fight yesterday made me feel like he saw me as an equal. Something men rarely do when they know they’re looking at a mafia princess. He didn’t hold back, even though he had reservations about what I asked of him, and because of that, he earned some of my respect. Respect I wasn’t prepared to give.
It happened when he put aside his preconceptions and gave me what I asked for, a chance to prove myself, then looked at me with pride, as if it impressed him, rather than shame and embarrassment.
It’s the equality I crave; for someone to look at me and not just see tits and pussy. I can lead, even though I come fully stocked with those things. I can hold power in my hands and rule just as well as, or even better, than any man has.
My conflicted thoughts have my head in a spiral. Trying to make sense of feelings and situations I’m not used to might be the very thing that ends me. Christ, I’m dramatic when I let things get out of control.
When I earn the leadership of my father’s empire, I won’t be bound by the vulnerability love brings you. The risk of having a weakness so your enemies can use them against you. A woman stepping into power will shake the ground under the tyrannical men who rule the criminal world, the very men who sit comfortably degrading and berating women like a lesser species. Just like those fuckers in our basement.
If they think they can call someone a whore or a slut, they better be fucking the pussy they’re degrading like a goddamn queen and earn it.
Fuck it, Liam can die, and all this unease can go with him. I’ve spent so many years shutting myself off to new people, but something in him calls to me. And it needs to stop. I have ambitions greater than primitive human desires.
Thinking about my dad, still plagued by heartache after twenty-six years, and my history with Caine Byrne sends a shudder through my body. Emotions are a funny thing, a weapon within themselves. All that power the chemicals produced in our brains.
While I’m lost in thought, berating myself for letting Liam fucking Brenner get under my skin, I nearly face-plant into my brother.
I had almost made it down the hall to my room when he barrels down and grabs my shoulders to stop me.
“Where have you been?” He asks, but I just blink at him, trying to catch my bearings.
I’m in such a state of mind-fuck vomit, and I hate it. I can barely get a handle on the shit that I’m feeling right now. I don’t need my little brother questioning me.
“Since when do you give a fuck what I do, Donovan.”
He rolls his eyes and steps back.
“I was out, playing my part. I am back in Collins’ good graces.”
Donovan waves a hand, dismissing my update, not really caring where I was. His question was because he has been looking for me, and I inconvenienced him and wasted his precious time.
“You were right. Dad is protecting Brenner.”
Well, no shit, little brother. Glad you’re on board the sense train.
“He pulled Breckin and me into his office and prohibited us from handling tonight’s shipment. Brenner plans on raiding our main warehouse.”
How did our dad know about this? Donovan might be as convinced now as I am, but he’s not asking the right questions. Oren would have gone to my brother since he’s in charge of this. I know Dad has connections in the FBI, but it still doesn’t sit right with me.