Journey
There wasa fluttering in my chest that had replaced the dread weighing me down like a stone was tied to my heart. I purposefully kept my eyes down as I grabbed a small container of syrup for my pancakes. In fact, I didn’t even look up at Sloane as she went on and on about Tobias and how he “incessantly annoyed” her with his “bad attitude and shit behavior.”
“I can’t really talk about this with Gemma because I know she feels bad that he’s giving me such a hard time, but she also feels bad for him because of his life.”
Where is Cade? He slipped out of my room early this morning, and I only knew that because I heard the chain on my door and saw his tall frame slip through and into the dark hall. We stayed up most of the night, reading, until I fell asleep, and I knew I’d fallen asleep on him, because my hair held his scent.
My emotions were all over the place, and when it came to Cade, I had a hard time deciphering between my physical needs and my emotional needs. It all sounded very philosophical and mature, but I supposed that was what you got when you were forced to grow up at a young age and thrown into a psych ward where highly educated—or so they said—individuals critiqued your feelings and tried to make sense of your behavior.
An abrupt laugh left me. I wonder what Doctor Melrose would have said if I had told him I was seducing the staff so I could steal a key card and get to Tobias so we could run away from the tiny pills that haunted me.
“What are you laughing at?”
I peered up at Sloane as we began moving down the breakfast line full of steaming food. My mouth opened, and I realized that I had totally zoned out while she talked about Tobias.
“Where is Tobias, anyway?” I asked, managing to scan the dining hall briefly before landing on the Rebels’ empty table.
“Probably planning another way to torture me.” She laughed sarcastically. “I sound like Gemma when she used to tutor Isaiah.”
“She tutored Isaiah?”
Sloane rolled her eyes. “I mean, no, but that was their cover while Isaiah snuck out of St. Mary’s and went to the Covens to follow Bain.”
This time, I snapped to attention. “And why did he follow Bain again?”
“Because of his father’s business. Bain’s father, Callum, and Isaiah’s father were rivals in their gun-running business. Didn’t yo–” Her voice lowered. “What exactly do you know about the Rebels, Journ?”
Sloane walked with me over to my table as I tried to piece together what I knew and what I’d learned since leaving the psych hospital. “Not enough, apparently.”
Sloane rolled her eyes. “I fucking hate him.”
Are we back to Tobias again?
“I’ve been wracking my brain since you told me that you didn’t…”—she leaned in close as I placed my tray on my table—“try to kill yourself, and I’ve been giving you space because I know you’re private.”
I swallowed, staring down at the syrup as it soaked into my pancake.
“But it has to do with him, doesn’t it? That’s why he hated to hear your name. That’s why he was so fucked up when you left. It had something to do with the shit they were caught up in. He felt guilty because you got hurt.”
I couldn’t fault her for putting the blame on Cade, but I could fault myself for leaving her in the dark. “You’re right when you say I’m private. I like to keep my secrets close.” Sloane’s hazel eyes bounced back and forth between mine, her perfectly shaped eyebrows lowering as I pulled her in close, whispering, “And I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark. It’s just…when I got back here, I didn’t trust anyone. Not even you.”
She winced at my words, and I hated myself for saying it. Sloane had proven herself over and over again, and deep down, past her cool, airy, girls-just-want-to-have-fun attitude, she was fiercely protective and safe beyond measure. She watched people closely, just as I had. “Someone tried to kill me and…” I looked past Sloane’s ear as she leaned in closer and locked onto Cade as he walked behind the rest of the Rebels into the dining hall, snagging his attention at once. Butterflies shot to the darkest, quietest parts of my body. “And it had nothing to do with Cade.”
“Are you sure? I don’t think Cade would ever purposely hurt you—not after seeing how torn up he was when you left, but—”
My hand landed on hers, still holding her tray. “I’m one hundred percent positive. There’s been someone after me since I was a baby.”
“What?”
I pulled back when I felt the shift in the air. My hair tickled the side of my face, and air whooshed out of my mouth. Cade and the rest of the Rebels, along with Gemma, were standing mere feet away from Sloane and me.
“We’re sitting here today.”
My mouth opened but then quickly closed as Shiner and Brantley made the first move and pulled out the long dining-hall bench, placing their uniform blazers on top while leaving quickly to go get food. Isaiah pulled Gemma beside him as she gave us a tiny shrug followed by a smile, and then it was just me, Cade, and Sloane.
“What? No ‘fuck you’ today, Sloane?” Cade’s hands went to his loose tie, and he began tightening it until it fit snuggly below his bobbing Adam’s apple. Why is that so attractive?
Sloane sighed, placing her tray beside mine. She looked at me, ignoring Cade. “Are you sure?”