I trailed off, not wanting to say the name of that place.
“The Covens?” Tobias finished for me. “How do you know?”
My brows crowded as I kept my eyes down. “Who’d you sleep with at the Covens?”
Tobias chuckled darkly. “You weren’t the only one who could use their body, Journ.”
My heart came to a screeching halt at the quick reminder of what I’d done while at the hospital. I was a fool to think that Tobias wasn’t aware of my tricks. Just because I never had to use any on him didn’t mean he was dense.
“I’m not judging you. Stop making that face.”
I quickly unfurrowed my eyebrows, irritated that guilt was catching up to me.
“I feel guilty,” I admitted, staring at a page in my book with blurred words.
“For what?” Tobias asked, lowering his voice. “For surviving? Never apologize for surviving. No one is going to save you, Journey. You have to save yourself, and you did.”
My chest filled with air, and I let my lungs burn until I couldn’t take it any longer. My breath came out so heavily that it flickered the pages in front of me. Tobias and I sat in silence for a little while, both of us reliving things that we should have been shoving away, until he pulled his khaki-clad legs up and rested his forearms along his knees.
“Tate said I have to have a student aide.”
I peeked up quickly. “A student aide? What does that mean?”
Tobias angled his head back, showing off his model-like jaw, and sighed irritably. “I failed the entrance exam for this godforsaken school. Tate said the SMC would allow me to attend, as long as I had a student aide who could help me if I fell behind. It’s bullshit.”
“Who is it?” I asked, scooting up a little taller.
Tobias ran a hand over his face, clearly annoyed. “Snow White.”
I laughed. “What? Snow White?”
“I forget her name, but she looks like fucking Snow White.”
“How do you even know what Snow White looks like?” I asked, knowing he didn't have an easychildhood full of popcorn and Disney movies. It alarmed me that he had been in that place for so long, kept captive, beaten and broken both physically and emotionally. He’d once told me he’d been at the Covens—underneath where I was rehomed—for so long that he’d forgotten the actual number of years. He wasn’t sure how old he was, and the days blended with lack of sleep. After learning that Gemma had turned eighteen shortly after Tobias and I had escaped, I knew he’d been there for far longer than he thought.
There was a tiny divot in between Tobias’ straight, dark eyebrows. His scar became invisible as he furrowed his forehead. “I don’t know. I guess maybe just a memory from my fucked-up childhood that stayed. Probably has something to do with Gemma. Richard would sometimes let her watch movies. Always the ones that he knew I’d hate.”
“Why the hate for Snow White?” I asked, half-smiling.
Tobias looked me dead in the eye. “I hate everything.”
“That’s not true.”
He glanced down the darkened aisle full of books and rubbed a hand over his scratchy face. “True. I don’t hate Gem, or you.” He paused and then grinned like a devil in the dark. “Or pissing off a certain someone who is so easily agitated.”
I knew he was referring to Cade. It wasn’t my intention to tell Tobias about what had happened between Cade and me—or anyone, really. Every single time I was plopped in a cold metal chair during group therapy,I was asked about my deepest scars, and one of those was Cade. He was kept hidden inside my chest with the thinnest of stitches since that warm night, but my unconscious, sleep-induced state never let those stitches stay intact.
That was how Tobias knew who Cade was. My nightmares betrayed me. A black figure always showed up to take me like a shadow sneaking out of a closet with the things that went bump through the night, and each and every time, I’d yell Cade’s name.
I wouldn’t admit why I yelled his name, but I knew I didn’t yell his name because I thought he was the one hurting me, but because I wanted him to be the one to save me.
“Sloane. Her name is Sloane.” Tobias snapped his fingers. “Rhymes with moan.”
Shaking myself out of the thoughts of the psych hospital, I perked up, ignoring the last part of his sentence. “That’s my old roommate.”
Tobias grunted, clearly still agitated that he needed an aide.
“At least it isn’t Aubrey,” I mumbled under my breath, flipping a page in my book to read a few words to silence my beating heart.