Journey
Give them something to stare at. There was a piece of motherly advice that I would hold onto for dear life. And I meant motherly advice as in Cosmo magazine, because I didn’t have a mother, but I’d like to think she was confident and fiery and gave me up for a reason and not for her own selfish desires. Maybe it was the dreamer in me that chose to cling onto something as optimistic as conjuring up some far-fetched fantasy of a mother that I never knew, or maybe it was a way to protect myself from the feeling of rejection, like my existence was unpalatable to those who created me.
Regardless, I was giving the entire student body of St. Mary’s Boarding School something to stare at tonight. This claiming party was officially claimed by the version of Journey that none of these people knew, except maybe Gemma. She saw me in that place. That corrupt, sterile hospital that was quite literally what nightmares were made of. But other than her, my peers wouldn’t look at me like the girl who tried to kill herself. At least, that was the plan.
I knew I’d made the right choice as I pulled down the articles of clothing from Sloane’s closet while getting ready for the party. It’d been so long since I’d snuck out of my room and actually sought out fun instead of survival. Each time I snuck out of my room at the psych hospital, it was for a reason that far outweighed drinking mindlessly in a damp basement full of teenagers partying and kissing like there was no tomorrow. Although, tonight I wouldn’t just be turning heads and causing whispers. The second the lights went out, I was going to travel on an entirely different adventure—one that didn’t include Gemma, Mercedes, or Sloane.
“Good choice on the outfit,” I heard a sultry voice pop up behind me and the girls when the door to the party shut behind us. I didn’t look back because the tone of voice didn’t really match the compliment. Gemma’s hair tickled my arm as she peered backward, seeing who had spoken, but before she could say anything, the voice started up again. “It’ll take away everyone’s first impression of you—for a moment, at least.”
I side-eyed Gemma as she fully spun around, and I was half-thankful for the distraction. I knew I would gain attention tonight, like I’d been gaining since the night they found me bleeding, and I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would just rather people saw me as confident instead of clinging onto some false idea of me. “And what impression is that, Aubrey?”
Aubrey. I knew the name. She was one of Callie’s friends. I’d never had an issue with girls before, and considering I was the oldest at the orphanage, no one dared to get bratty with me. The little ones looked up to me like a big sister, and they were the closest thing I had to a family—until they were adopted. But Aubrey’s tone hinted at an insult.
Her light scoff hit the back of my neck, ruffling my hair. “It’s just that everyone sees Journey and thinks emo. We wouldn’t be surprised if she wore thick eyeliner and black polish on her nails.” Her laugh irked me, so I quickly spun around, making sure to keep my eyes away from the crowd in front of me. Aubrey was pretty, but forgettable. She didn’t stand out, but I kind of envied that at the moment. I’d never liked much attention, which probably stemmed from years and years of gaining attention from potential adoptive parents only for them to reject me in the end. If no one noticed you, then you could protect yourself from the hurt of being the only outcast.
I shrugged, looking Aubrey in the face as she watched with humor. I pulled my freshly polished, black nails up and gazed down at them. “Looks like I’m already halfway there.”
Gemma, Mercedes, and Sloane stayed quiet as everyone watched our little spar, along with most of Aubrey's friends—Callie being one of them. They had never been anything but nice to me before, but apparently, something other than just me had changed over the last eight months, and I had a hunch I knew what it had to deal with. It made my stomach sour at the thought.
Aubrey rolled her eyes at my choice of shiny black nail polish and scanned my outfit again. I did the same, stopping at the tiny peek of skin against my flat belly that stood out beneath the tight black crop top, and then traveled down to the mini-skirt that was a little loose along my hips. I wonder what she’d say if I took off the black leather jacket and showed off my scars.
Sloane stepped forward as we all scanned my choice of clothing again. Part of me wanted to take the heel of my boot and slam it on Aubrey’s toe for becoming one of those girls who tore down others to make themselves feel better, but that’d make me just as bad as her, so I stayed silent.
“I know what this is about.” Sloane’s smile slithered across her face as she crossed her arms over her own tight tank.
Aubrey’s blue eyes flickered with annoyance as she turned to Sloane, waiting for her to finish.
“You’re jealous.”
Aubrey nearly squealed. “Jealous?” She looked over at me again. “Of her?”
Sloane tried to suppress a laugh. “Now that Journey is back, you know your late-night visits with Cade are no more. You’re mad that she took your fuck buddy.”
I stepped forward, the toe of my boot hitting the front of Aubrey’s stripper heels. I plundered the jealousy right from her full chest and gripped it in my tight fingers as I reverted to the girl who thought she meant more to Cade Walker than she probably ever did. “You can continue your late-night visits with Cade. I’m not here to steal him back from you.”
The blush on her already pink cheeks ripened. “I wasn’t aware that you had him to begin with, freak.”
I laughed at her attempt to wound me and did nothing but speak the truth back. “I didn’t, and neither will you.”
Turning around and leaving Aubrey’s next insult to linger at my back, I grabbed onto Sloane’s hand, and together, along with Gemma and Mercedes, we walked farther into the party. As soon as we were out of earshot from the other girls, Mercedes breathed out a sigh of relief. “I’ve never seen Aubrey act like that,” she huffed, looking back once with a dirty look on her face. “It’s not like she hasn’t had sex with other guys. I know she’s slept with Shiner.”
Sloane snatched a couple of drinks off the nearby table, and I made sure to keep my eyes down because I knew, without a doubt, that there were a set of eyes on me that were just begging me to look.
“Keeping tabs on Shiner, are ya?” Sloane grinned, and Mercedes bristled at the assumption.
“What? No. It’s not that hard to know who he sleeps with. He fucks everyone.”
“Apparently, so does Cade.” I ached from just saying his name aloud. My heart screamed with rushed beats, and I hated myself for feeling the jealousy. He was mine–‘was’ being the operative word here.
“Hey, baby.” Isaiah sauntered up seconds after my lapse in rationality and kissed Gemma right on the lips. My brows shot up in surprise as he wrapped his hands around her waist and plunged his tongue down her throat. A growl of pleasure left him, and it must have been normal for them to show so much PDA, because no one seem fazed by the scent of sex in the air. Okay, then. Tobias was going to lose his mind when he saw his sister getting tongue-fucked. His love for his sister went deep. It had kept him alive in the shithole we both called home once upon a time.
I leaned into Sloane’s ear with my eyes set on the prize, pushing away the untrusting thoughts when it came to anyone but myself. You can trust her. “I’m going to disappear when the claiming starts. Don’t worry about me, though. Okay?”
Her eyes widened slightly, and I wasn’t sure if she was surprised I was confiding in her after being so standoffish, or if she was just worried. “Where are you going?”
I may have let my guard down some when it came to Sloane, but not that much. “I just need to be alone. But I’m fine.”
Sloane came and stood in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders. She bounced her gaze back and forth between mine, and I saw the conflict there, and the only thing it did was push me to trust even more. “Sloane, remember what I said earlier? That not everything is what it seems?”