“I…” I heard a heavy sigh after the single word and felt him move farther away from me. My arms crossed over my chest, and I spun around, putting my back to him again—as if he could even see me doing such a thing.
My ear pressed against the door that he’d pulled me into, and then I saw the bright light of his phone a second later. I couldn’t even stand to look at him. I was too afraid of what I’d see on his face, or what he’d see on mine.
Two years. It had been two years since I’d been this close to him.
“Mazey, what are you doing?”
I half-rolled my eyes, proud of the fact that I was actually standing, although my knees wanted to shake at the sound of my name on his lips. Why was everything intensified? My body was acting completely erratically at the moment. Things were tingling that shouldn’t have been tingling just by the mere tone of his voice.
“What do you mean what am I doing? You have eyes, don’t you?”
A quiet chuckle came from him that somehow rippled over my skin. “I don’t mean what are you doing with your ear pressed against that door—although, that is very odd. I mean…what are you doing here? At Noany Bay? In my frat house?”
“I go here.” My answer was clipped, and the only thing that met me on the other end was silence.
I couldn’t hear a single thing going on through the thick door that my ear was currently pressed to, and I wished like hell I knew what Ryan was doing with that girl. Why were they being so quiet? Why weren’t there kissing noises, at the very least? Was she already passed out? And why the hell couldn’t I stop jerking my eyes to Cole’s shadow?
“That’s not true. You go to Stanford.”
“Not anymore.” My chest felt a little too tight as the silence grew heavier, so instead of allowing my guard to fall, I put it back up even higher. “Is that okay with you, Cole? I mean, I know your parents demanded I never speak to you again, but I’m not here for you.”
The air moved at my back, and I felt his body heat crowding me. My heart skipped. My breathing quickened. “Why are you here then?”
His cell phone light had gone dim, and I was glad. I tipped my chin over my shoulder, seeing his dark and looming shadow only a few feet away. “Like I said, to gain my dignity back.”
He took another step closer, and I froze at the tiny voice in the back of my head begging him to touch me. What the hell was I thinking?! “By listening to Ryan fuck someone? You are aware that you went into Ryan’s room, right? What? Did he tell you to meet him here? Or are you trying to catch him in the act with another girl? Are you two...dating?” More space was erased between us, and I felt his warm, seedy breath whisper over my neck. This was high school all over again. Dark, tight spaces with our heat mingling and hot touches before someone came and drew the line between us. “Did you two keep in touch, Mazey? You kept in touch with Ryan, but you wouldn’t even look me in the eye while moving your shit out of the servants’ house?”
The way his voice grew tense, as if he were angry with me, had me spinning around quickly. “You didn’t look at me either, Cole. Don’t you dare try to act like this is all on me.”
His loud swallow sounded out around us, and I felt the fat tears welling in the back of my eyes. Why was I so upset? He took one more step closer, and suddenly, the cell phone was between us, and our faces were illuminated with the glow. I was a second too late looking away. I knew he saw the hurt lingering. I didn’t have to peer into the mirror to my left, hanging crookedly over the pedestal sink, to see that my emotions were on my sleeve. “Did he hurt you, Mazey? Is he cheating on you? Are you two dating? Is that why you’re here?” I took a step back, and my back was fully pressed against the door now. He mumbled the next sentence out of his mouth, “How did I not know this?”
“We’re not dating.”
“So he’s just stringing you along, then? Don’t tell me that’s why you transferred here. For him?”
The disgust was clear, and I felt the same. Technically, I did transfer here because of Ryan. But it wasn’t for the reason Cole thought.
Seconds passed, and I could hear Ryan and the girl now. There were soft moans from both parties, and I was suddenly glad that Cole had pulled me into the bathroom, because it was evident that Ryan wasn’t taking advantage of her. She was enjoying herself as much as he was. Maybe I was wrong to come here.
I told Cole that I had come back here to get my dignity back, but that wasn’t the whole truth. The last two years had weighed on me in ways that I couldn’t even verbalize. I tried to move on. I tried to ignore it. But the wonder turned to guilt, and I needed to see it for myself. I needed to know if Ryan was that same boy he was in high school, taking advantage of girls who dismissed him.
Running from that night didn’t help me in the end. Running from Cole didn’t either. So, I was back. I was back to amend regrets and guilt. And maybe to find out the truth.
If Ryan was the same boy he was to me, years later, he’d be sorry. I’d take him down, and it had nothing to do with revenge. Standing in front of Cole, though? It was drudging up feelings of despair that I didn’t dive into often.
Cole. It was Cole. Standing in front of me. All flesh and blood. As perfect as he was before. But now, there was a hint of man to him. A range of protectiveness was evident in his posture, even in the dark. Angry but protective, and not at all the jealous possessiveness that I used to witness when someone would pay me too much attention in the halls of Wellington Prep.
But even so, I couldn’t help the next words that came out of my mouth. “Stringing me along like you did, you mean? Why was it okay for you to do that but not for Ryan?” Not that Ryan and I were in that situation, but it was a valid thought.
“It wasn’t okay, Mazey.” My entire body tensed. My brows crowded, and when his hand landed on my chin, a trapped breath left me. “And it isn’t okay for him to do it either.”
Shock cut me in half, and my lips parted with the sincerity in his voice. Did that night change him too? Does he remember anything? I wanted to ask him in the worst way. I wanted to know. I wanted inside his head. What did he think of me now?
His thumb brushed over my bottom lip, and I shuddered. His hand on my chin gripped me a little tighter, and it was as if he was welcoming me home. I missed him. Shit, I really did. It was as if no time had passed at all.“Are you afraid of me, Maze?” His loud swallow intensified every one of my senses. “Do you still think it was me?”
His hand was around my heart, squeezing it until I submitted. “I—”
Suddenly, Cole’s hand left my chin, and his palm collided with mine. Butterflies fluttered for a mere second before excitement turned to shock. The door to the bathroom suddenly opened, and then Cole and I were somehow smooshed together in the tiny shower. My back was to his front, and the second his arm snaked around my waist, I clenched my thighs.