“You were mad at me.”
“That night?” I sighed. “Yes. I was. I was tired of being your secret and wanted you to lash out and storm across that party…” I stilled, closing down that conversation. “That isn’t important. But yes, I was angry with you. So, I started to drink.”
“I remember.”
“I never took drinks from anyone I didn’t trust, because I wasn’t stupid. Except…”
Cole blew out a breath. “Ryan?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “He was the only person to give me a drink, and there are snippets I remember. Sounds of laughter, and kissing, and being dizzy. His voice. I remember his voice, and once I put two and two together that he had been the one to give me the drink, it wasn’t hard to make out the rest of the story.”
Cole’s finger started to move over my thumb, and it canceled out the cold feeling of disgust that I always seemed to feel when talking about Ryan or that night. It had been two years, and I’d come to terms with it, but in order to fully move on, I just had to know if he was still doing it. What if he was? What if he was hurting other girls like he hurt me?
“I could kill him right now.”
Cole’s skin was hot against mine, and I began rubbing my finger along his just like he was doing to me. “I’m not here for revenge, though. Not really. I just have to make sure he isn’t hurting other girls like he did to me.” I turned on my side, and Cole was staring at me. I wished I could hear his thoughts. I wanted to know what he was thinking, or what he’d do with the information I’d given him, or what this even meant for us.
Cole’s other hand came up, and I paused at the sight of his fingers shaking. His thumb brushed gently over my lip. “I want to help you.”
“Wh…what?”
“Let me help you, Mazey. If it takes catching him in that act, then we’ll do that. If it takes interviewing every fucking girl at the school, then so be it. If it takes me torturing him until he admits his wrongdoing and dragging him to the fucking police, I will do it.”
I half-laughed. “I already tried to catch him, and we see how that worked out.”
“That’s what you were doing in his room? Trying to catch him raping someone?”
I looked away as chills covered my skin. “Yeah, and I know. It’s a stupid plan.”
“We will come up with a better plan, then.”
I sighed, hating what I was about to say. “You can’t help me, Cole.”
“Why’s that?”
Our gazes crashed. “Because!” my voice raised. “You’re…” My mouth clamped shut.
“I’m what? Do you not trust me? I won’t kill him—yet. Not unless you want me to.”
I half-smiled. “Stop it. I just mean… You’re…you’re a distraction to me. There. I said it. Everything between us is just…a lot.”
“What if I promise to keep my hands off of you and to keep this…completely platonic…until we can deal with whatever this is? We focus on Ryan, you let me help you catch him and burn him to the fucking ground, and then we will deal with us.”
“Us?” I said.
He gave me a look that made me burn. “Yes. Us. Because there is an us, Mazey.”
I said nothing because I knew it was a terrible idea. When his hands wrapped around my face and he brought his forehead to mine, my heart shattered but somehow pieced back together in the same second. Why did I still feel this way for him? “I couldn’t save you two years ago, and I’ve been beating myself up since. I regret every single thing. Every time I hid you away. Every time I did something to make you jealous. Every time I broke someone’s nose for looking at you. And most of all, not being there when you needed me the most.” My nostrils flared with unshed emotion, and my eyes filled just as quickly as his did. “Please. I may need this more than you do.”
I bit down on my lip, and his eyes zeroed in on it. The second it plopped from my teeth, I rushed out, “Fine.” I glanced away because there was a hidden part of me that felt whole with him on my side. I never meant to fill him in on everything. I hadn’t told anyone of my plan—not even Kate. Yet, two years later, here I was...sharing my secrets with the boy who held my heart and was stupid enough to break it.
“Fine?” The hope in his tone had me rolling over to hide my smile.
“Yes, you can…help me. But I swear to God, Cole, if you fuck this up for me, you won’t just be hurting me. You’ll potentially be hurting other girls.”
I knew he was sitting up by how the bed had dipped, but I kept my bare back to him. “Let me prove to you that I’ve changed, Maze. I’m on your side. Always.”
I straightened my shoulders. “Good. Now close your eyes so I can get dressed, and then we need to talk about some ground rules to keep this plan from crashing.”
The sound of his chuckle hit my ears, and I climbed out of bed quickly, dashing for my clothes.