Except fear.
I was still afraid of Richard, and I was afraid of what he was capable of.
“Isaiah. If you’re planning something for Richard...don’t. The only thing I need is what you’re giving me so I can disappear. It’s the only way.” My heart galloped in my chest, and I heard the thumping within my eardrums.
“You’re still going to disappear,” he whispered, reaching up and pushing a stray hair away from my face. “But when things are safe, I will come for you, Gemma. So take this”—Isaiah pulled out a black Sharpie and threw it onto the table—“and mark where you’ll be, because I will come for you.”
I held my breath as my head spun. “Wh-what do you mean?” I glanced back at the map and then to Isaiah again. “If you’re planning on doing something to Richard, please don’t.” I shook my head as anxiety rattled through me. He knew something. “I know that Richard is connected to Bain, and the Covens, your father…whatever...but his plans for me have nothing to do with anyone but himself. Do not do anything to Richard on my behalf, Isaiah. Don’t screw up your life for me.”
I thought back to last night when he said he wasn’t following Bain anymore or giving information to his father, and I began to feel dizzy. Richard’s plans for me had nothing to do with anyone else but him. He was selfish and wanted me for himself. I had nothing to do with his business with the psychiatric hospital or the illicit gun selling. I was Richard’s little angel that he wanted to keep in a box, up in that big house of his, to do with as he pleased.
“Don’t put me in this! Don’t do something because of me. What about Jack? What are you planning?” I was frantic and could feel myself spiraling.
“You’re already in this, Gemma. I’m just the one pushing you out.” Isaiah’s words did nothing to soothe me. I wasn’t afraid for Richard. I wasn’t telling him to leave Richard alone because I wanted to protect the sick bastard. I was afraid for Isaiah. And Jack! Richard was a complex man, and he had more friends than enemies, which was a baffling thought given everything I knew about him.
I glanced at Isaiah's pleading eyes and felt like I could see all the way through him. I knew him, and I knew that he was hiding something. “Do you know why I’m running?”
Isaiah’s jaw clenched, and the room grew cold. It felt like hives were eating away at my skin with each passing second, and when he looked down to my wrists, I almost pulled them back.
“I know that he has chained you up.” Something dark crowded my vision, and my breathing picked up. “I know he’s touched you in places that he shouldn’t have.” Chills coated my arms. My lip trembled, but I fought back the tears because if I broke, I was afraid of what I’d say. “I know he’s cut you and has bruised your beautiful, flawless skin.” Isaiah’s fingers swiped over my cheek, and I shut my eyes, holding tightly onto the invisible wall to shut out everything Richard has ever done to me. “I know that you told someone that Richard abused you, and they allowed him to twist it all so no one believed you. That’s how you ended up here.”
“Stop,” I whispered with blurred eyes.
Isaiah’s hands rested on mine that were clutching my journal. “Please just mark where you’re going so I can find you when it’s all said and done. It’s the only way I’ll let you go. I won’t look until I know it’s safe for us both. I’ll keep it safe until I can trust that no one will follow me to find you or hurt you to get to me. I’ll keep it safe just like I’ll keep you safe.”
I shook my head. With the thoughts of Richard crowding my vision, the fear came back, and it slithered into every hopeful part of my body and turned it dark. “I can’t risk it.” I paused, feeling the cut right to my chest. “That’s not why I’m running, Isaiah.”
His fingers stilled over mine. “What do you mean?”
I took my hands from his and dug the heels of my palms into my eyes, allowing my shaky whisper to fill the empty library. “From the second I got here, my plan has never veered. Survive. I needed to follow the rules, keep my head down, and when I got what I needed…”
“You mean the new identity and money?”
I nodded. “The police know my name and who Richard is. He has friends in law enforcement all across the United States. It wouldn’t matter if I went halfway across the country. If my name were to go through their database, it would lead to Richard, and then he’d find me again. It wouldn’t matter if I told them everything. He’d just pay them off or lie and tell them that I was mentally ill like my mother—which isn’t true. There is no outrunning Richard if I stay Gemma Richardson.” I paused, sniffing up the emotions. “So my plan has always been the same. Get a new name and run like hell and never look back.” Part of me didn’t even care about the past anymore. All I wanted was out.
The library was quiet, and I kept going. I kept going because maybe if Isaiah knew everything, then he’d understand why I couldn’t tell him where I was going. He’d have to accept the heartache like I was. We’d have to just deal with our fate. “I’m not running because of the pain he’s caused me in the past. I’m not running because he’s chained me up and hurt me. I’m running because of what he has planned for the future.”
“Look at me.”
I began to shake in my seat. I heard the chattering of my teeth but was too blinded by the panic crawling up my back to make it stop.
“Gemma, breathe, baby. It doesn’t matter what he has planned, because he doesn’t get to hurt you anymore.”
My words were choppy and cut short. “It’s easy for me to think that when I’m with you. I’m not looking danger in the face when you’re in front of me.”
“That’s because I’m shielding you from it.” His hands came around my face, and he pulled me onto the floor and into his lap. “Trust me when I say I’ll protect you and keep you safe, Gem. Please. What does he have planned for the future? If you’re not running from what he’s already done, then what are you running from?”
Tell him. I wanted to tell him. The way his strong arms folded around me made me feel like I was in a world where Richard didn’t even exist. Nothing existed except for the warm breath of Isaiah moving over the crook of my neck.
“Gemma,” Isaiah’s voice was distant in my head, and I was afraid that meant I was slipping into the past. “Has he raped you?”
Even my voice sounded far away. “I…I don’t know. No. I don’t think so. One time, after Tobias was gone…I woke up, and he was there, hovering over me, but…” Isaiah’s body tensed, and the memory was surfacing. I quickly shut it down and grabbed onto Isaiah’s shirt.
“God, you’re shaking like a leaf. It’s okay. Don’t tell me anything else. It’s okay.” His graceful touches and warm shushes in my ear didn’t stop me from plowing through the walls that were coming up in tens.
“He will,” I blurted, feeling goosebumps bubble on my arms. “He will rape me, and that’s why I can’t tell you where I’m going. I won’t risk it, Isaiah.” I pulled up and looked right into his eyes. “And he made Tobias disappear. He’ll make you disappear, too, if he thinks you’re a threat to me. If he thinks you’ll take me from him.”
The blue in Isaiah’s eyes turned dark and angry. Rage was plastered all over his features when he snarled, “I will take you from him.”
My hands began to sweat, and everything seemed to crash all at once. Tears spilled over my cheeks, and I shook my head. I saw the way that Isaiah’s eyes became worried, and I felt his hand press against my heart.
“Hey, calm down. Your heart is flying through your chest. Gem, fucking look at me.”
A sob escaped me, and then everything went dark.