Isaiah
The party wasin full swing, but I was ready to snap something in half. The beat of the song overhead was like a blow-horn inside my ears, and not even the shots I’d taken could take me down a notch. I was on edge. My leg bounced up and down aggressively as I leaned back onto the far wall. The plastic shot glass in my hand crumpled up like a wad of paper as Cade and Brantley tried to talk me down from the ledge.
“Isaiah, this was what you wanted.”
I growled through my teeth, eyeing the strobe lights, which gave me an instant headache. It was either the lights causing the throb or the stress weighing down on me. I had too much going on, and despite the plan working overtime in the back of my head and the enlightening phone call I’d had earlier, I was still just as concerned with Gemma as I had been from the start. In fact, it was much heavier now.
“This wasn’t what I fucking wanted. I didn’t want any of this.”
Cade’s hands clamped onto my shoulders tightly as his face blocked the multicolored lights. “I got through Journey, and you can get through this. Keep up with the show, make her hate you, and she’ll be better off.”
I growled, throwing the neon cup to the dirty floor of the school basement where we held all our parties in secret. “No offense,” I started, not really meaning it, “but you didn’t have to deal with seeing Journey every fucking minute of every day. Imagine it for a minute.” I knocked his hands off me. “Imagine seeing Journey every single day and not being able to touch her. Imagine having to pull other girls into your lap to make it clear that you didn’t feel anything for her.” Having Breanna on my lap yesterday, rubbing her silk panties on my thigh as she straddled my knee, felt like my organs were slowly failing inside my body. I felt hollow. I just sat there, itching for the bell to ring so I could fling her off instead of digging myself into an even deeper grave.
I was one step closer to ending my father but a million steps away from starting with Gemma.
“Yeah, I’m sure it was hard having a hot chick in your lap,” Brantley grunted, and I ignored him, knowing he wouldn’t understand anyway. He was the one I worried about the most when it came time to choose sides. He was harder to get through to. His walls were thick.
Shiner popped his hand in between us, holding four shots in the middle of his palm. “Let’s just get shitty. Bain is right there with a girl pressed up against his dick, chugging even more booze than we are. He isn’t going anywhere tonight.”
Yeah, but was Gemma?
Cade snatched a green shot glass, tipping it back and swallowing it whole. “You deserve it, Isaiah. Take some heat off your back. Let’s go back to how it used to be. Even if it’s just for tonight.” He slapped my face with excitement clear in his brown eyes as I grabbed onto another shot. Just for tonight. I’d heard that before.
Brantley nodded. “We won our game. Let’s celebrate that, if nothing else.”
I didn’t give two fucks about the lacrosse game today, and I wasn’t celebrating anything, but I still threw the shot back in hopes that it would help soothe the ache in my chest. I desperately needed something to ground me so I could get through tonight.
Our tutoring session had been intense last night. More intense than the last few. Instead of Gemma and I being indifferent with one another, now we were both angry. She still wouldn’t look at me from across the table, which was exactly what I needed, but fuck if it didn’t sting. I almost pretended that the little alert went off on my phone, telling me that Bain’s car was moving, just so I could get away from the suffocating air, but that was too risky with the SMC becoming more watchful since our little run-in with Mrs. Fitz last week. I was lucky that Bain had been staying put lately, but I was sure there was a reason for that. Just like I was sure that Gemma was about to show up tonight with her two best friends by her side to cut me the same way I cut her.
Gemma wasn’t going to hold back. That sweet, goody-two-shoes girl she was at the first claiming party had been morphed into someone else over the last few weeks, and it was mostly by my doing. She was no longer hesitant around other people. She seemed so sure of herself, even while talking with Bain yesterday, which sent me straight to the red.
I felt completely out of control, and I wanted to blame it all on everything that was going on with my father, but the truth was, I felt out of touch with Gemma, and that was what made me antsy. The protectiveness I felt for her had intensified since last week, but she didn’t want to be protected by me any longer—and for good reason.
I snatched another shot, although I knew I was at my limit. I was seconds from shooting it down my throat with Shiner’s eager nod in my peripheral when the basement door opened, and three sets of bare legs popped through the threshold.
Every single person looked in that direction. I could feel the shift in the room. I wasn’t looking at anyone else, though. My attention was solely on the girl in the middle.
Gemma.
My eyes burned with a hot intensity, and I could no longer breathe. My heart halted, and my stomach tightened. She stood there looking so unlike herself that I felt the brunt of shame. It wasn’t that she didn’t look good, because she did. She looked really fucking good. Hot as hell. Her tight black dress hardly reached mid-thigh, and blood shot straight to my groin as I scanned her tanned, toned legs. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail, showing off every perfect curve of her face, and her red lipstick was like a punch to the gut. But…it wasn’t her. It wasn’t the Gemma that I knew. This was a girl who was lashing out because she had been hurt—by me.
“Hey, Isaiah.” Breanna’s voice was like a knife being dragged down my back. “Are we still on for tonight?”
Cade pulled me away, and I knew it was because he could sense my hesitation. “Isaiah. Think about how your father treated her the other night.” I couldn’t seem to snag my attention away from Gemma, even with Cade’s face moving in front of mine. I wanted her. No one else. I didn’t want Breanna. I didn’t want any other girl in this school. I wanted her.
“I’ll kill my father,” I muttered, watching as Sloane and Mercedes dragged Gemma over to the table lined with shots. She inched her head back, and I swore I could feel the burn of Fireball hit the back of my throat too.
“Isaiah, fucking snap out of it. Have you ever thought that maybe Bain was taking those photos of you and Gemma because he’s going to give them to your father or, I don’t know... maybe use it as blackmail?” Obviously. “If you feel for her what I felt for Journey, you will stay away from her.”
I finally pulled myself from Gemma and stared at Cade. I needed to stay on track. I needed to keep myself in line, but I wasn’t sure I could. This was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and that was concerning, given my upbringing.
Cade tapped my shoulder once and flicked his chin behind me. “Go over there, put your fucking hands on Breanna’s hips, and show Gemma and Bain and everyone in this school that she means nothing to you. Because I’m telling you right now, Gemma Richardson will be the death of you, Isaiah. If she gets hurt because of you, you will never fucking forgive yourself.”
Cade was speaking from experience, so I took a deep breath, swiveling on my shoe and stomping back over to Breanna. I was sure it was obvious to her that I didn’t really want her, but I was hoping that it wasn’t obvious to anyone else. There was nothing between Breanna and me. No lust or passion. I wasn’t even sure I would be able to get a hard-on unless it was with Gemma.
A future full of celibacy was what I had to look forward to. Great.
When my palms landed on Breanna’s waist, I felt like I was fumbling with a grenade. Her head pulled back, and I knew that there was likely something unfolding behind me. My heart was stretching for another girl in this room, and I wanted to pound my fist into the ground to make the music and low chatter stop for just a second so I could breathe. Breanna’s hands came up and touched the sides of my face as she whispered, “It’s okay, Isaiah. You can pretend I’m her if you want.” Fucking hell.
I shut my eyes and sucked in even breaths. “Not sure who you’re referring to.”
It was pretty evident there was something to Gemma and me, even if some of our classmates assumed it was only a simple fuck during the claiming party. The faculty, however, was clueless because I’d kept the touching to a minimum and didn’t spare her many glances when the SMC was around. Mainly because if they knew I was fooling around with my tutor, they’d never believe our story or accept any excuses if we were found wandering the halls after curfew.
In the beginning, before everything had shifted, I didn’t hide my interest in her because I needed our classmates to watch her, to envy her, and to speculate on our relationship so Bain would be forced to back away. But that was a mistake.
Seeking her out in the very beginning was a total miscalculation on my part, and deep down, I’d always known it. I’d always known that there was a reason for my need to hover over her and to watch her every move. Gemma dug herself right under my skin, and I couldn’t seem to dig her out, not even for a little while.